Why What You Love Sucks: Black Friday
Are you trying to figure out the bestest, most expensive thing for the person on your list? Because, you know, the amount of money transfers to how much you love them.
November 27, 2009 by JaneBlow
Filed under Lifestyle, Why What You Love Sucks
Originating in Philly, they noticed the heavy traffic due to people going out to shop and named it “Black Friday”. Retailers also would go from being “in the red” (debt) to being “in the black” (back on track). Lastly, people call this day Black Friday because of the blinding headaches one gets while dealing with the crowds, sales, mean people and traffic. Thanks to the Macy’s Day Parade ending with Santa Clause many people subconsciously decided that it was the kick off to the holiday shopping season, the retailers followed.
Only in recent years the people who watch consumer trends found that most people start shopping about a month before the December holidays (or the night before)… and they started to capitalize on this this magic day back in the 1960’s to do super sales on that day to drive consumers out of their little minds and aggravate the hell out of everyone else.
Is it really worth it though?
With everyone else having the same idea, at the same time… you’re stuck with getting up at the ass crack of dawn – no amount of coffee or preparation can get you in gear for the day of aggravation. Good thing Fat America is still full from Thanksgiving the day before, so you wont have to stop for lunch while you shop.
The lines during Black Friday are worse than amusement park lines because its usually cold enough outside to need a jacket. But that is only the beginning because the stores pump heat (when people are uncomfortable they tend to leave the space quicker), the shopping zombie predators are out in masses (they will fight and haggle if you have what they want), they blast holiday music (same reason they keep the stores hot;circulate customers) and you’ve got to hold stuff… usually bulky stuff… because you brought a list; a game plan to try and “get in, get out” so you can move on to the next store and person on the list. Well, the “smart ones” bring a list.
So there you are, hot, aggravated, and fighting some lady tooth and nail for the last mini Ed Hardy perfume for a stocking stuffer …trying to figure out the bestest, most expensive thing for the person on your list, because you know the amount of money transfers to how much you love them.
Your “loved ones” aren’t happy until they get their undeserving hands on some meaningless item that will make them momentarily happy but in the end it’ll be unsatisfying and get tossed aside after a few short weeks. (But you can’t get mad, ’tis the season! JOY!) But surprise, surprise, the THING they want is what everyone else wants because advertisements have brainwashed the masses to think they NEED MUST HAVE OMGZ whatever piece of junk they are promoting.
The companies don’t ship enough inventory on purpose so stores are sold out and back ordered till the day before your holiday. Suddenly your life turns into a hunt for Turbo Man and you’re Arnold Swartzenager… you’re ready to beg, borrow, and buy off the last person who got the Turbo Man/Wii System/Tickle Me Elmo/Guitar Hero for double the price. (I hear this year “Modern Warfare II is like Twilight for straight men.”) This year, THE kid toy to have is a Zhu Zhu Pet. Back in the day people would literally KILL SOMEONE for a Cabbage Patch Doll, do you love your kid that much?
Before I further reveal myself as an Anti-Consumerist and a Hypocrite (after all, I do work in retail… but that doesn’t mean I can’t hate it! gr!!) I say Fuck it, I’ll wait till Cyber Monday to do any necessary shopping.
The term Cyber Monday refers to the Monday immediately following Black Friday, the ceremonial kick-off of the holiday online shopping season in the United States between Thanksgiving and Christmas. [1] Whereas Black Friday is associated with traditional brick-and-mortar stores, “Cyber Monday” symbolizes a busy day for online retailers. The premise was that consumers would return to their offices after the Black Friday weekend, making purchases online that they were not able to make in stores. Although that idea has not survived the test of time, Cyber Monday has evolved into a significant marketing event, sponsored by the National Retail Federation’s Shop.org division, in which online retailers offer low prices and promotions.
What is your game plan for the shopping season? Are you done already, how did your rape and pillaging go?
<3 Jane
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