WE HATE THE 2000s!: 2004

2004 Sucked, and here’s why we think so!

If you’ve been reading our series on why we hate the previous decade (read: The 2000s) you get the point, just about everything sucked for those 10 years. 2004 was no different, if not worse… take the film Damian chose to single out:

MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2.

SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 is a 2004 comedy film, and the last to be directed by Bob Clark. It is a sequel to the 1999 film Baby Geniuses. It received universally negative reviews from film critics, earning a 0% positive rating on review website Rotten Tomatoes. One such critic remarked, “Superbabies has no redeeming qualities.”^[1] The film was distributed by Triumph Films and Crystal Sky.

Jon Voight + Scott Baio + Vanessa Angel = movie cancer.

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

The New York Yankees choked and became the first and only team in baseball history to lose a series after being up 3-0. (see: Biggest Choke in MLB history)

The hockey world sobs when Gary Bettman (shyster extraordinaire) declares a lockout due to a failure to reach agreements with the NHLPA.

Oh, I forgot, the terrible Montreal Expos move and become the even more terrible D.C. Nationals. (Nationals >Yankees)

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

So we hate to admit it, but 2004 was actually a rather fantastic year for technology. For starters VoIP went mainstream, and that alone was a really cool advancement that I personal have been using for a number of years now. However, for all the good that came out of 2004 one thing in particular sticks out like a sore thumb.

On January 24th at the World Economic Forum held in Switzerland, Bill Gates made a shocking announcement,”Two years from now, spam will be solved.” Yup, thats right, that day Bill Gates told the world that Microsoft would eliminate spam by 2006. I suppose those emails I get about Viagra aren’t actually spam then? I guess its really just targeted direct marketing. Lets also overlook the fact that 2004 was the single worst year of the decade for pc viruses being forwarded in email attachments.

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3 (PS2) – This is just another 3D fighting game like every other one out on the market the other difference is the fact that the characters are from the Dragon Ball universe… boring. What they need to do is make a Dragon Ball game like Naruto: Rise of a Ninja and Naruto: Broken Bond for the Xbox 360, those were good games. Yeah the American Naruto voice saying “Believe It!!” all the time can be annoying but that’s why I play it with the original Japanese cast voice-over.

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)

2004 was the 10th anniversary of the internet. How did we, as a collective, and shared community celebrate it? Well first of all EVERYONE GOT A BLOG. Blogging “started” a long time ago, but modern blogging software hit the scene in 2003 and gave every dullard with fingers the ability to waste an inconceivable amount of disk space and bandwidth. So much space in fact that the number of hosts jumped to around 2 million with over 46 million web servers hosting 68 million websites. (That’s a lot.)

Culturally, the internet continued on its slow and indecipherable decent into madness when THIS became the first YTMND page to reach 1 million page views. Also The “Numa Numa” thing happened. That was pretty retarded.

On the bright side, the single most important phrase uttered about the internet was uttered…… you know what I mean.

ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

In 2004, the world got just a bit more douchier (real word?) thanks to the formation of Velvet Revolver. Consisting of members from a band that ran their course fronted by Eddie Vedder Wannabe Scott Weiland. Talk about a band no one was asking for, while at the same time being the exact epitome of “Mainstream.” Velvet Revolver is a landmark in zero; That is to say they created a zero-point of blandness that has become a gauge for bands either being worse or better than Velvet Revolver.

POP (contributed by Lauren)

You know who I can’t stand? Britney Spears. She is an attention whore! What the hell girl? You get married on January 3rd and then it gets annulled 2 days later on January 5th? What was the point of that? Did someone drug you? Were you drunk? Lets face it, this guy is way better looking that that other idiot.

Wanna know what also SUCKED about this year? Stupid Janet Jackson had to go ruin it all and fu*k up awesome Half Time shows during the Super Bowl. What were you thinking lady? Justin, please, you could do better man. ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ my a$$!

Oh and by the way, Linday Lohan, you can’t sing! Stop making albums!

HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)

In 2004 raps started to sound the same. There were tons of tracks to choose from, I think captured the essence of what 2004 really meant to me commercially music wise: PURE SHIT !!!!

Petey Pablo- Freek-A-Leek at this time the South was killing the hip hop scene, there where a lot of good songs coming out of the south. I’m shocked this joint became as popular as it did. When i used to drop this at the bars chicks you to go crazy and bar on the bar it self. It was nice to look at but it was a poor choice in music to dance sexy too.

Lil’ Flip – Sunshine Sunshine might be the worst song of the year over the Hoobastank-The Reason

TV (contributed by Chris)

First off, I’d say the biggest disappointment of ‘04 was the fact that Showtime pulled the plug on ‘Dead Like Me‘. DLM was a unique, interesting, well written sci-fi/comedy about a girl who died when she was struck by a toilet seat which had fallen from space. The show which was produced by Bryan Fuller (who also produced Pushing Dasies and Wonderfalls, and were both similarly killed before their time) was a gem and a half. The characters were memorable, the dialogue was witty, and the stories were always peppered with fun. ::sigh:: This is why we can’t have nice things.

As Television continued to evolve in 2004, the world also saw the last episodes of annual favorites Friends, Frasier, and Rugrats. But by far the biggest loss of the year was the fact that Tom Brokaw stepped down and was replaced by Brian Williams. Now I don’t dislike Williams, he cool, but Brokaw has the News Anchor persona on lock. Check this classic Brokaw moment and tell me I’m wrong.

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

At one time, President George W. Bush had an approval rating of 90%, which was one of the highest in presidential history. An unpopular war in Iraq and the erosion of civil liberties in the name of defense left the electorate clamoring for new leadership. A last minute elevation of the terrorist threat level, and the release of unflattering pictures of the democratic candidate windsurfing, gave the sitting president the edge he needed to defeat the democratic challenger John Kerry. This would begin a second term for Bush that would lead to one the lowest approval ratings for a president in history.

FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)

Pocket Bikes. Really, these things were the shit back in 2004. I didn’t and still don’t understand what the hype was over these overpriced lawnmowers. The bikes are too small for a normal adult and to dangerous to allow kids to ride. The only people that would be able to ride these would have to be a midgets. They are the only people that could fit on the bike and make the decision to buy one. Great marketing strategy guys lets make tiny motorcycles that midgets won’t buy because they suck and kids can’t buy because their parents won’t let them.

He would totally rock the pocket bike!

Pocket bikes are so not hot but you know what is hot? Paris Hilton’s 2004 sex tape. She showed every girl in America that it is okay to be a raging whore. Want to be famous? Make a tape of you chocking on the shlong and BAM insta-famous!

According to underground twitter hashtag #slanderthursday “Paris Hilton once had sex with Michael Jackson where she was dressed like a small Philippines boy and Michael was dressed as a Catholic priest.”  What! You say that is false! Well, if that’s false then the whole damn system is false!

Anyway, besides her father running one of the largest hotel chains ever created, and her sex tape (this one… yes we’re linking to the real thing, the link is NSFW, seriously) why else did Paris Hilton deserve to be the biggest FAD of 2004?……..I can’t come up with anything except that she is a raging slut.

Raging. Slut.

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