VERSUS!: Stoners vs. Drunks…

Drunks vs. Stoners in a battle for inebriation supremacy.

It’s an age-old question: who’s got it better? Drunks or Stoners? Here are a few things to consider before making your decision.

Cost of vice:

There is really no way around getting your hands on some alcohol without paying for it outside of fermenting it yourself in your bathtub. On the other hand, weed can be grown indoors and more-commonly sold at a lower cost depending on supply and demand.

Guidos drink beer:

Yo Bro, we drinkin’ beers tonight? Fuck yeah, we drinkin’ beers tonight! Fuckin’ Coors Lights all night ’till my liver fails and you guys dump me off at the emergency room. I FUCKIN’ LOVE AMERICA ITALIA!!!!

Stoners eat coral:

FACT!

S.A.T. Test:

Drunks can’t really concentrate on a whole lot when they’re completely blasted. Stoners, on the other hand, actually get smarter from inhaling marijuana smoke, as explained in the early-2000’s film “How High.” It starred Method and Red, so you know it’s credible.

Rape:

Drunk people are way more likely to rape you in their much-inebriated state. Stoners will just leave the scene altogether to go home and watch reruns of MANswers while eating raw cookie dough.

Wacky bastards:

Stoners, say what you will, are entertaining as anything. The wacky nonsense that shoots out of their mouths is laughable in every way. Drunk, on the other hand, never make anyone laugh. They’re like clowns: they just make me feel sad and sorry for them.

Stoners: “Look at that high motherfucker. He’s crazy.”

Drunks: “This is just pathetic. Aw, look, he just threw up all over his Reeboks. *tisk tisk*”

So who do you feel has the better time? Drunks or Stoners?

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