Last night I asked the internet a very important question. “What are the worst songs ever?”, as expected the submissions flowed like Vitamin Energy leaving Mike Shane’s body.
You might be asking yourself, Why is that such an important question? The answer is simple really, those horrible songs you suggested have become the basis for the single greatest pandora playlist EVAR!
Here are my top 10 favorite tracks from that list.
“Sailing” – Christopher Cross
Submitted by our own Emilio Sparks, this one needed to lead our list. If you don’t know why, press play and listen to it while you read the rest of the list. If you haven’t shot yourself by the bottom of the page, you obviously don’t have a gun.
“Barbie Girl” – Aqua
“Hey Ken, Wanna go for a ride?”…. Absolutely not! Essentially a love song to a 10″ plastic doll this Danish/Norwegian bubblegum pop hit of 1997 is probably going to be stuck in your head for the rest of the day, that does not however make it a good song. (thanks to Regina Smith on that contribution to the BPPE!)
“Make em say UGH!” – Master P Featuring Fiend, Silkk The Shocker, Mia X & Mystikal
To start off, the sound effects used to cover up the curses are along funny enought to justify being on the page. But Nikki Bertucci was probably referring more to the amazing lyrics when she made her suggestion. She’s probably remembering Silkk The Shocker eloquently stating “P gon’ make ya say UNGGGGGGH, I’ma make you say OWWWWWWWW”. (Note: I once hid a .wav file on my cousin’s computer so that this song would play on my command while he was in AOL chat rooms.)
“Lip Gloss” – Lil Mama
Thank the LORD, that Joe Bisceglie and Adam from Avon Junkies reminded us about this one. Thank the LORD that this YouTube video came complete with the song’s lyrics. Amazingly DAPS Editor-In-Chief Carlo loves this song.”never has a female artist so elegantly and bluntly put the effects of make up on the libido of an adolescent male.” Seriously, he said that.
“Sussudio” – Phil Collins
DAPS’ Vin Forte writes: What more can you say about a song that Patrick Bateman would use to set the mood for commencing sweet love-making in American Psycho? This song not only demeans people with lisps but also rips off the melody of Prince’s “1999.” Besides, anyone willing to name their daughter Sussudio is just asking for them to be fucked by Phil Collins. LOLVIN.
“Who Let the Dogs Out” – The Baha Men
The official theme song of the 2000 New York Mets (Who LOST the world series) was Who Let The Dogs Out by the Baha Men. I Blame the loss entirely on this song, NOT Timo Perez forgetting to run the bases, NOT Armando Benitez being Armando Benitez, Not Todd Zeile’s warning track power. THIS SONG LOST THE METS THE WORLD SERIES.
“Kokomo” – The Beach boys
When I was 7 years old, I loved this song. Then I went to school and Learned that Kokomo is made up! What the SHIT is that all about!!?? The closest thing I could find to Kokomo being a real place is some shitty town in bumfuck Indiana. Fuck YOU, Indiana. FUCK YOU!
“1-2-3″ Gloria Estefan and The Miami Sound Machine
The first sign that the warranty on the Miami Sound Machine was expired was “1-2-3.” Who knew a song that we all learned in Kindergarten would be a hit?? Apparently The Devil did, because he earned one soul selling his services to get it on the radio, that, or Estefan blew him personally.
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” – Deep Blue Something
Is there anyone who would know bad music better than Brian Haley of The Melonfarmers? (J/k J/k go listen to Party at the Dojo, you’ll know i’m kidding) Brian let us know that Breakfast at Tiffany’s causes him to lose his faith in humanity every time it comes on… Me too Brain, me too.
And to round out the list at 10
“We Built This City” – Starship
If Starship built a city on rock and roll, I’m pretty sure it would turn out something like Newark, New Jersey. Have you ever been to Newark? it’s as if New Jersey needed a place worse than itself. I mean, the Devils? Really? Martin Brodeur can suck it (by it I mean a dick {penis})
Ending the list here doesn’t mean that’s all we put into the playlist… we added a shit-ton of other worthy songs into the pandora database. I mean how could we not have “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen or “Mambo #5″ by Lou Bega? That would be pure blasphemy.
Make sure you take a whole day to let this station set it… it really is pure amazing. Thanks to everyone who helped with the creation of this post! What songs should we add to our playlist? let me know in the comments, I’ll add them!
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