The List: School Lunches…

Back to school means going back to the glory days of school lunches. Come take a walk down memory lane with DAPS.

Today kicks-off the start of a new school year for a large section of the country. Time for pencils, books, the reek of impending failure, and school lunches: the only bright spot for some in an otherwise dreary day.

PB and J:

The simplest of simple sandwiches made for consumption by simpletons. The PB and J sandwich is the only sandwich on the Proletariat-level of society that can still satisfy any commoner on a budget.

Bologna:

What the hell is bologna? Why is it spelled like the Italian city and not Phonetically? Why do 99% of Americans trust it’s seemingly sole production output to Oscar Meyer? When will the blood stop rushing to my head and back to my vital organs?

Hot Lunch:

Remember hot lunch? The bourgeosie meal of choice for the parents that were too lazy to get up and make you lunch. Hot lunch was VERY hit or miss (see Individual Pan Pizza vs. Slice). I remember having the choice between chocolate milk and regular milk. What kid in their right mind isn’t going to go right for the chocolate milk? The fact that they even had plain milk as an option proved to be just some sick joke.

Lunchables:

Talk about rich bastards. Low and behold the crown-jewel of the lunchroom. Pre-packaged and hand-selected for perfection, the Lunchable could do no wrong. Everyone would trade anything just to get a bite of a Cracker Stacker or Nestle Crunch bar; but it would ALWAYS be to no avail.

Soylent Green:

Remember the smooth taste and delicious plankton-ness of Soylent Green? Simply delicious. It’s too-bad it was outlawed by the Clinton administration back in ‘99. Kids today are really missing out on something special…..Edward G. Robinson tasted like meatloaf.

So what were your favorite school lunches?

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