Hi, my name is Brendan Lyons, and I have spent most of my adult life a bachelor. I’ve seen and done a lot of wild things and been in almost every awkward situation imaginable. People always approach me as if I were a bartender or a barber with questions about life and love, and I have always been successful in giving them advice. I may not pour drinks or have any idea how to cut hair, but what I do know is how to be a bachelor. The world has reached out to me, and I am here to answer their call.
Sadly, there was no question this week so I figured I would talk about something every bachelor should know. So this weeks topic is smarting up your look.
Ok boys, your becoming men, and the best way to show it is through the way you dress. First impressions mean almost everything, so it’s important you don’t screw this up. Ready? Good, because we are going shopping. Only this time, we are going to do it a little different. This time we are going to walk right past stores like Hot Topic, Old Navy, and Modells. From now on, you live in Macy’s, The GAP, and Banana Republic. And most importantly, do not be fooled by make-believe grown-up stores like Express an Guess. These stores only sell clothing with retched designs all over them, and are only appealing to jerk-offs and teenagers.
Let’s start with shirts and sweaters. I know you love you I <3 BEER t-shirt that your room-mate got you Sophomore year because you did the longest keg-stand, but it’s time to throw it away. In fact, all graphic tee’s should be hidden or discarded immediately. Don’t worry, you can still wear t-shirts, but keep them plain. One solid color, with no logo on them. I recommend V-necks because they make your neck look longer and they are a lot more comfortable. Same goes for sweaters, keep them simple so they are easy to build an outfit around. I’d also go V-neck with these, throw a plain white t-shirt underneath and your good to go.
Moving on to pants. Pants are important, and a good pair is extremely hard to find. No only do they have to look nice, but they have to be comfortable because your walking around with precious cargo in them all day. Please gentlemen, buy pants that fit. The crotch of your pants should be at your crotch because nobody wants to see your best Slim Shady impression. I like to mix it up between jeans and slacks. But, if your a jean guy, there is nothing wrong with that. You can wear them everyday as long as you dress them up right. I recommend Gap 1969 jeans. They are comfy, they fit right and they are stylish.
Shoes and accessories. If your an adult, your going to look ridiculous if you wear beat-up sneakers everywhere you go. Do yourself a favor a buy a couple pairs of dress shoes. One black, one brown, and one burgundy. For every pair you buy, buy a matching belt. If you are going to wear sneakers, at least make sure they are clean. And I would go with white or black Nike Up-Towns. They are very nice, with no stupid designs all over them.
Hats and scarves are cool. Buy a couple of each to make sure they match your outfit. Because matching is the most important thing of all. You’d be surprised how much miss-matched clothing will destroy your chances of talking to the girl at the other end of the bar you’ve been looking at all night.
Ok, let’s go to jackets. They are fun, and if you buy the right kinds, you could wear them from the beginning of Fall, right through he end of Spring. Blazers are a must. Every man, in my opinion, should have four or five blazers in different colors and styles. Go out in jeans and a t-shirt and no one may notice you, throw on a blazer and a Yankee lid and you look like you just raided Jay-Z’s closet. In the cold of the winter, I’m going to need you to man-up and throw away the bubble jacket, and go get yourself a pea-coat. Their warm, their classy, and if a girl is drunk enough, she may thin your a sailor.
Jewelry is simple. If it’s not elegant and in most cases brutally expensive, don’t bother wearing it. So leave your Timex at home. If it’s not Movado or better, use your cell phone to keep time. As far as chains go, they can be nice, but they can also be extremely gaudy. So either way, keep them tucked into your shirt.
Last but not least, suits. You should all have two or three. Suits could be a lot easier than you think. As long as their tailored right, kept well pressed, and you have some sense of what matches what, you should be alright.
Follow these simple instructions and the next time you approach a woman, you won’t be doing it as a boy, but as a well put together man.
Anything you want to know about and are afraid to ask anyone else? Emails are welcome! Feel free to send any and all questions to me at brendan.lyons@dogandponyshowwebsite.com.
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