Well kids, we’ve made it through the past few weeks and we are down to two more weeks of WE HATE THE 2000s! Read on to see what really sucked about 2008.
MOVIES (contributed by Daye)
The Happening. Stupid, Stupid M. Night Shyamalan. The trees/ plants are trying to kill humanity?!?! W.T.Fuck. How is that a twist ending?? You know we have pesticides and have the ability to light whole forests on fire right?? Here’s how to make the movie infinity better: So the trees make some people go crazy… how about having the US Army using flame throwers burn all the forests? Movie over. Credits.
SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)
The Detroit Lions lost every game of the season going 0-16 and Tim “The Toolman” Taylor drinks himself to death.
Conversely, the New England Patriots go undefeated all the way to the Super Bowl only to lose to the New York Giants. And their wide receiver Plaxico Burress shoots himself in the leg with his handgun in a club. Meanwhile, in the boxing world, Oscar De La Hoya loses to Manny Pacquiao when he fails to come out of his corner for the 9th round, Mexicans everywhere become severely depressed and for 3 weeks lawns all over the U.S. are neglected and destroyed.
TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)
In 2008, Taser unveiled and released their combination taser/mp3 player. It was first showcased at CES 2008, complete with its leopard-print case. You know how we keep knocking hybrid technology of the previous decade? This here is the icing on the cake that is shitty hybrid technology. Scenario: you’re in a poorly lit park at 2am walking home alone. Are you going to be paying attention to a sketchy situation where you may want to have a taser handy, or blasting Lady Gaga? If you answered with the latter, good luck being prepared for an oncoming assailant! However, blasting Metallica while tasing some unsuspecting mugger might be worth it. Seriously, if there were two products I’d never combine, it’s a taser and a fucking mp3 player. I suppose next we’ll see a handgun with a movie player on top. Now police officers everywhere can watch Rush Hour to keep their spirits up during a firefight with drug dealers! Oh, that Chris Tucker.
GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)
Guitar Hero: Aerosmith (PS3, Xbox360, Wii) - 1. I hate Guitar Hero, I have never like Guitar Hero. 2. Aerosmith SUCKS, and are overrated and suck and are old and I hate hate hate them… sorry that review was completely personal, I just do not like them and hate the fact that shit bands are getting their own game (::cough cough:: Metallica ::cough cough:: Van Halen).
INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)
This is me when I think of 2008 on the internet.
Either way, 2008 was pretty frickin lame. I mean there was hardly anything to poke fun at, or even really worth mentioning. Well, there was the Montauk Monster and this guy decided to make some literal music videos. Oh, and a low point for memes across the world, moot (founder of 4chan.org) announced that weegee was his favorite meme at the 2008 ROFLCON.
ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)
In 2008, Ringo Starr (of Pete Best fame) posted a video on Youtube stating that he will no longer be accepting fan mail. Good. Who the fuck needs you anyway? The nerve to simply assume that we all want to drop what we’re doing and write you and your big nose letters. It’s not like you were in some big rock and roll band. You were in the Peter Sellers’ film “The Magic Christian,” big fucking whoop.
POP (contributed by Lauren)
I am a HUGE Guns ‘N Roses fan and I was very excited when Velvet Revolver, members of the original G ‘n R group like Slash and Duff, announced that Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots was going to join the group and be the lead singer. It lasted how many months? Because in 2008, Weiland left the band and announced that he will return to singing with STP. Reports stated that there was a lot of tension between Weiland and the other members of Velvet Revolver.
In other news, Guns ‘N Roses released their first single in 9 years, the title track from their Chinese Democracy album. You can read my review on this crappy album here. (BTW, Slash and Duff are NOT in this bad, just Axl)
If you have been reading this wonderful series, you know how much I HATE Mariah Carey. Well, in 2008, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa made April 15th, Mariah Carey Day in Los Angeles, California. Go F**K yourself Mayor. You too Mariah.
HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)
I had a long and tawdry list of hip hop song to choose from for this year. Thank you 2008 for being as memorable as 2007 with beats that where far superior than the verbiage that accompanied them.
RON BROWZ – Pop Champagne or AUTOTUNE, as most like to call it, was a massive hit. every bar I went to would go crazy when this tune came on. I never saw anyone in the bar pop champagne, but I did see saw watered down cranberry vodkas, Coors light, and guy’s doing Jager Bombs.
SOULJA BOY- Turn my swag on (is there a button of switch for “swag”? idk…) what I do know is tweens everywhere love to turn there “swag” on. Don’t we all want to hop out of bed, turn our swag on, take a look in the mirror, and say “what’s up? Yeah, I’m getting money”, oh….. UMMM MAYBE !!!!!
USHER, FEATURING YOUNG JEEZY -”Love in This Club” deals with the problem every man faces once in his life. Meeting a large group of mediocre looking women in the bathroom and having to get drunk enough to magically transform them into supermodels. TRUST – it’s not as glamorous as Usher & Jeezy make it out to be. It’s a cheap novelty made only to be enjoyed at a dirty watering hole.
TV (contributed by Chris)
2008 brought us more terrible celebrity based reality shows that give the decent reality television I enjoy a terrible, terrible name. Take “Living Lohan” for example; This was a program which followed around Lindsay Lohan’s family during their day-to-day lives. UGHHHHH.
Then there was “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated“ (which was created by Ryan Seacrest) First, I need to point out how stupid it is to have a reference to Facebook’s relationship status in your show’s title. (What’s worse is that i know the genius who thought that up was REALLY proud of it.. asshole) Anyway, DR:IC’s sole purpose was to follow around Denise Richards and her daughters around in THEIR day-to-day lives.
I don’t know what I’m more aggravated with.. the fact that television producers thought these we’re good concepts or the fact that I know that there were people who watched…
POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)
One of the solutions to the 2002 recession, the growing real estate market, turned out to be a catalyst for the second recession. But the economic flu of 2002 looked mild compared to the death knell of the late 00’s. In September of that year, one the titans of the banking industry, Lehman Brothers, filed for bankruptcy. Later that month, the stock market its largest single day loss in history. Everything is pretty much back to normal now, besides that pesky problem of jobs. Like the government said, they’re working on it. That’s good, because nobody else is working these days.
FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)
Purity Rings. Jonas Brothers. All this is intertwined in the biggest fad of 2008. But instead of me explain it to you, I’ll let South Park do it:
Tell is Mickey right? are little girls stupid? are the Christian retarded?
Tags: axl rose, Chinese Democracy, Detroit Lions, guitar hero, Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, guns n roses, Lehman Brothers, M. Night Shyamalan, Manny Pacquiao, mariah carey, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Metallica, Mickey mouse, New England Patriots, New York Giants, Oscar De La Hoya, plaxico burress, PS3, purity rings, Scott Weiland, slash, south park, stone temple pilots, super bowl, swine flu, The Happening, Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, van halen, Velvet Revolver, wii, xbox360
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