Posts tagged soylent green

Posted on Aug 31, 2009 by MightyVin — Humor / Lifestyle / The List / Vin's F***ing Uncensored Blog — 8 comments

The List: School Lunches…

Today kicks-off the start of a new school year for a large section of the country. Time for pencils, books, the reek of impending failure, and school lunches: the only bright spot for some in an otherwise dreary day.

PB and J:

The gold (brown and purple) standard.

The simplest of simple sandwiches made for consumption by simpletons. The PB and J sandwich is the only sandwich on the Proletariat-level of society that can still satisfy any commoner on a budget.

Bologna:

WTF is Bologna

What the hell is bologna? Why is it spelled like the Italian city and not Phonetically? Why do 99% of Americans trust it’s seemingly sole production output to Oscar Meyer? When will the blood stop rushing to my head and back to my vital organs?

Hot Lunch:

Now that's what I call a "Hot" lunch.

Remember hot lunch? The bourgeosie meal of choice for the parents that were too lazy to get up and make you lunch. Hot lunch was VERY hit or miss (see Individual Pan Pizza vs. Slice). I remember having the choice between chocolate milk and regular milk. What kid in their right mind isn’t going to go right for the chocolate milk? The fact that they even had plain milk as an option proved to be just some sick joke.

Lunchables:

DouchablesTalk about rich bastards. Low and behold the crown-jewel of the lunchroom. Pre-packaged and hand-selected for perfection, the Lunchable could do no wrong. Everyone would trade anything just to get a bite of a Cracker Stacker or Nestle Crunch bar; but it would ALWAYS be to no avail.

Soylent Green:

IT'S FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!

Remember the smooth taste and delicious plankton-ness of Soylent Green? Simply delicious. It’s too-bad it was outlawed by the Clinton administration back in ‘99. Kids today are really missing out on something special…..Edward G. Robinson tasted like meatloaf.

So what were your favorite school lunches?

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Posted on Jun 06, 2008 by MightyVin — Bizarre / Humor / Lifestyle / Philosophy / Vin's F***ing Uncensored Blog — No comments

KID A…

It is my belief that one day we will all have the technology to create our own clones. This could go either way. Here are some pros and cons to having a clone. Actually, they’re all pros; I simply don’t see how clones could be a bad thing. Unless they were somehow able to rise up and kill us all. Like that would ever happen.

Free Organs:
You drunk loser
When we are finally able to obtain clones for ourselves, we will no longer need to worry about drinking too much(except for that whole driving drunk and running over a baby thing). You will be able to turn your liver into an explodable mass of scar tissue and burbon and not have to worry about dying because you will be able to cut open your clone, rip his liver out with your bare hands, ingest it, and then simply expel the old one out. At least I think that’s how it works.

Bruce Lee Death Rumble?:
Fight of the Conchords
Ok. Follow me on this. We(by “we” I mean “I”) fly to Bruce Lee’s gravesite. Once there, we dig up his corpse. We then proceed to steal some of his D.N.A. We then use said D.N.A. to clone an army of Bruce Lee killing machines. We then give them machetes and drop them off in New Zealand. From there, they have a fight to the death for my amusment and possibly kill the very un-funny Flight of the Conchords in the process. The one remaining Bruce Lee will be given a 4-picture deal with The Weinstein Company and $100,000. This will all be broadcast on FOX to replace American Dad.

Soylent Green:
People?Think of the possibilities. We clone humans by the millions, kill them all, and turn them into bite-size crackers that will be sold at low prices to the middle and lower-class. Brilliant. Or, I guess we could just clone the animals. But where’s the fun and dystopia in that?

No More School:
We know all your secrets
If you had a clone, you could make it go to school for you. And when your clone starts to fail a class, you can have it bludgeon your teacher to death with a stapler. When the cops show up they will arrest the clone, rendering you innocent. I know that this technology is not available yet. But a man can dream; A man can dream.

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