I was kidding, it was just a two-fold ploy. The first fold, or fold 1, was to entice you to read the post. “You mean you may come back to Facebook?” my mom would ask. Fold 2 is to easily transition the click-through while implanting context into what I’m about to show you. Which actually translates into an easier writing experience (for me) and a seamless reading experience (for you).
With all that said, this is a pretty funny Facebook exchange that was posted over at PopHangover.
Looks like Joey’s got a good head on his shoulders.
Miss March. This is here because it should have been awesome. The writers, directors and actors are two guys from The Whitest Kids U’ Know. How could this not be an awesome comedy? Oh god it sucks. It’s just plain bad. My biggest grievance with the movie is the dubbing over the world retard with crack head. WHY LORD WHYYYYY?
In the early scene at the “Abstinence Now” seminar, some of Raquel Alessi’s (Cindi Whitehall’s) lines were dubbed over for the movie’s final release. Originally, the story she told on stage prominently featured the word “retard”, referring to a baby that was born to an illegitimate mother who smoked. Due to concerns over bad press, the word was changed to “crackhead”.
Tiger Woods becomes a hero to all men when he crashes his car and the world finds out that he’s been dipping his stick into a plethora of hot chicks’ fun dip.
Also, Stephon Marbury eats vaseline on a live webcast.
Talk about pointless! On November 3rd of 2009 Peek Inc. introduced the TwitterPeek, which is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Its a cell phone shaped device that only does one thing, and I think we can all guess what that thing is just from the name alone. Forgetting for a moment that most people have smart phones these days, Twitter is made so that even those with “dumb phones” can still update and receive twitter messages via SMS. I mean seriously, who is this for?? If you don’t even own a cell phone, why the hell are you tweeting about being at @starbucks?
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Multi-platform) – Oh my GOD was this game straight garbage, almost worse than the movie. It’s graphics alone were a supreme joke, Simply put the game alone could destroy a franchise, the characters had no character, the story was humorless, the levels were all boring and bland and the game play was SHIT. I am soooooo glad I played this for free and on someone else’s system because I would have had to throw my system out.
It seems like just a few months ago that 2009, that cesspool of internet, came to an end and we closed another chapter in internet culture. Let’s look back at what is surely a piss-poor year. In October, Yahoo (in an attempt to not hemorrhage money) pulled the plug on a number of services, most notably, Geocities, destroying millions of god awful websites dedicated to Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence. During the political turmoil in Iran, a woman is filmed bleeding to death on the streets (from a gunshot). Obviously this belonged on Facebook. Snuff goes mainstream! Oh, don’t forget this triumph of mediocrity. Also, Auto-Tune the News was created (which is less actually shitty than you think, despite what their drama school demeanor lets on). A father gets his son REAL doped up at the dentist. “Is this real life?” Sadly it is. Also people started taking WoW WAAAAYYYY to seriously.
2009 marked the reunion nobody asked for, when Bink-182 came out of retirement to grace the stage with songs 40 year olds probably shouldn’t be singing to 14 year olds. On top of that, they had Fall Out Boy (logical choice…and GHEY) and Weezer open for them. Weezer? Come on, Blink; Weezer are having their own mid-life crisis, but at least theirs is full of Lil’ Wayne collaborations, unpredictable River Cuomo WTF-ness, and some solid hooks. Don’t get them mixed in with YOUR kind of straight-up cash-grab reunion.
What totally sucked about 2009 in pop music was the terrible tragedy that came out of it. Poor Rihanna, she was domestically abused by her punk-ass boyfriend Chris Brown. He dodged jail time and had to perform many hours of community service. I cannot believe that he only got community service after making her look like this.
Do you remember Bone Thugs-n-Harmony? I know I do. I used to love them but want to know what they did that totally sucked? On February 28th, they put their first single entitled “The Game Ain’t Ready” on MySpace. Because this was their first single is quite a while, fans flocked to the site which in turn, made the site crash for the entire rest of the day because of all the traffic it brought.
So I’m an American Idol freak right? Yes, yes I am. This year I got stabbed in the heart. Dweeby Kris Allen beat probably the best singer to ever grace the stage, Adam Lambert. What is wrong with you America? Is it that you can tell the boy was gay, he later came out of the closet when the competition was over, due to the amount of make-up? Is it because of the crazy outfits? What was it that made this dweeb beat him? Adam, your my American Idol!
This list could have been pages but this is what I think you might have other opinions if so email DAPS and tell them. with that said HERE WE GO
Ron Browz- “Give Me 20 Dollars” No wifein in da club, GIMME 20 DOLLARS, GIMME 20 DOLLARS, GIMME 20 DOLLARS. When I used to get request for this… & i used too think FML. I would say “pay me 20 DOLLARS.” Some would pay and others would beg, the ones that begged never heard this fuckery… NOTE whats the trend here kids….. AUTOTUNE !!!!!
Black eyed Peas- Boom Boom Pow, WHA WHA WHAT THE F@$%K !!!! is this Rap ? Dance ? Electro ? what ever it is it was and still is everywhere. Question can you even name or care to the the two other members in the Black eyed peas ? I think Will.i.am and Fergie could just be a duo and no one would even notice the other two have left. (sidenote Will.i.am is a super talented producer, songs about girls is really really really dope)
John Madden announces his retirement from broadcasting in the NFL, Paula Abdul leaves American Idol, and David Letterman calls it quits from hiding his illicit affairs; 2009, my friends was a terrible year for the fabled boob tube. But by far, the BIGGEST travesty on television in 2009 must be “Joe Buck Live” The terrible Fox sports commentator must have connections to HBO (read: Joe Buck’s mouth to an HBO executive’s genitalia) because even the guests realized how bad the show was, actually Artie Lange brought it up during a taping. God, i love Artie Lange. God, I hate Joe Buck.
POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)
Riding the wave of “hope” and “change,” Barack Obama swears in to office in January and becomes the first black president in the country’s history. Why did this suck? Because, since then the country regressed into “distrust” and “rage” at what they call socialism.
Lots of things happened this year but I only feel like only telling you about the massive amount of celebrity deaths. This seriously sucked! I mean how could we lose so much awesome in one year? We lost Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, Britney Murphy (she was HOT!!!), Dom DeLuise, Ed McMahon, Edward Kennedy, John Hughes, Les Paul, Lou Albano, Michael Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Jett Travolta, DJ AM, Walter Cronkite, Ted Kennedy and many many more. I thought of giving myself the axe just to fit in. It seemed only right to just give up.
I am just really curious how all these people got away with dying. I did not give them permission to kick the bucket so who did? The Government! The government decided that they needed to whack each one of these people off one by one and most of them dying of “natural causes.” A natural cause is being swallowed by the Earth in a earthquake (well not anymore with China being able to control earthquakes). So, what possibly reason could the government have for killing all of these people on us? Simple: THEY ARE A BUNCH OF JERKS!!!
To fight the government follow: this person and this person on twitter to see how you can help!
this list could have been pages but this is what I think you might have other opinions if so email DAPS and tell them. with that said HERE WE GO
Ron Browz- “Give Me 20 Dollars”No wifein in da club,GIMME 20 DOLLARS,GIMME 20 DOLLARS,GIMME 20 DOLLARS. When I used to get request for this… & i used too FML i would say pay me 20 DOLLARS. Some would pay and others would beg, the ones that begged never heard this fuckery… NOTE whats the trend here kids….. AUTOTUNE !!!!!
Black eyed Peas- Boom Boom Pow, WHA WHA WHAT THE F@$%K !!!! is this Rap ? Dance ? Electro ? what ever it is it was and still is everywhere. Question can you even name or care to the the two other members in the Black eyed peas ? I think Will.i.am and Fergie could just be a duo and no one would even notice the other two have left. (sidenote Will.i.am is a super talented producer songs about girls is really really really dope)
The interwebz is buzzing with talk of a guy who posted his sister’s hookup list to Facebook and taged all the guys. Apparently the girl finds a 12 pack in her underage brothers room and told her parents. The little brother gets grounded for 3 months. So to get back at his sister the dude rummage through his sister’s things and finds her “hookup list” (aka “blow-jobs-to-hand-out list”), he published it on his Facebook page, and tagged all of the intended names on said list.
To all our fellow lady readers does this take you back ? How many of you back in your days of young whoredom had a list similar to list ?
Friend “Z” has bitten you and you’ve turned into a Werewolf. Click here to bite back!
These are three examples of why my Social Media allegiance has shifted from Facebook to Twitter in the past year. Why Twitter? 1.) Because Facebook used to be a nice/easy way of keeping in touch with people and 2.)Because Twitter allows you to do all of the useful things Facebook does, only there’s no place for all of the excess bullshit.
Thing is, Facebook (and the companies that create social simulation games like Farmville, cougZyngacough) are making boatloads of money from this nonsense. In order to get these games and fan pages like “You took too long to text back, so i fell asleep.” more inherently viral FB has actually went through 3 site redesigns!
Now getting gifts of digital sheep and becoming a fan of falling asleep and missing a text are pretty much the dumbest ways to spend your time online.. so, how come people do it? We need to have a scientist figure this out, like ASAP…Oh, there was? Oh, ok let me tell the readers!
There was this cat named Maslow, really nerdy Psychologist type dude. He proposed that there is a hierarchy of needs that every human being strives for in order to live a complete life. So what do sharing sheep and telling your friends you hate it when your Mario Kart falls off a cliff and you end up in 12th place have in common? They’re both was of staying connected to friends and family, albeit in the form of the lowest possible denominator.
Humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs (“Safety in numbers”), or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants). They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure; an anorexic, for example, may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging. (via Wikipedia)
Shared Experience makes us feel connected to others. People like to know that other people notice the same stupid bullshit they do, hence Seinfeld’s icon status. In the same way, people like to know that other people are also bored enough to give the gift of sheep.
Knowing that, I feel like complaining about it isn’t going to get me anywhere. Thank the lord there’s that other “C” word… Capitalize. Anyone here a fan of “Awesomeness“?
By the way, if you’ve been sitting there trying to figure out what that useful twitter stuff is I’ll be covering that next week.
So starting 12:01 a.m, on Sunday, Dec 6th, post your gamerscore here Vivos Los Cheevos . If the community gets 100,000 G or more by Sat, Dec 12th, there will be prizes of MS points and possibly more for random winners. Let the achievement whoring begin!!!
(Please post a picture of your starting gamerscore and on 12/12 post your ending gamerscore to keep things fair and honest)
Are you STILL using Facebook? Oh, you are? Well then.. this is kinda awkward…
Let me restart.
Are you STILL amused by “Facebook Fails” and site of the ilk??? Good. Don’t you wish you and your friends had similar interactions? OMG ME TOO.
If you are anything like me, your friends are just as boring on Facebook as IRL, BUT I still hope to get attention on the interwebs from anonymously curated niche blogs, enter FakebookQuotes
We’ve received some mail and questions asking about the Kinkier side of sex and questions about BDSM; here is an introduction. Much of the following is fact, a few points are my opinion from direct experience. We welcome all questions and debate.
BDSM is short for Bondage, Dominance and Sadomasochism. Some also feel s/M stands for submissive orslave and Master. Others feel “S” also stands for Switch.
Bondage - To be restrained. Either by force of another person, by bonds (cuffs/rope etc) or mentally with restrictions of your actions (ie If your partner tells you to not masturbate till they say so).
Dominance - To take the lead role. If someone tells you they consider themselves a Master, Mistress, Dominant, Dominatrix, Dom, Domme, Domina, or Top it means they have the upper hand in the Power Exchange (PE) relationship. PE is the root to BDSM, if one person didn’t trust and give up their power to another to keep and keep safe the relationship wouldn’t exist.
Submissive - a person who gives up their power, and “gives it” to the Dominant person. This requires alot of trust and communication. If someone says they are a sub, submissive, slave, or bottom it means they follow a Dominant’s lead. ex) slave, bottom, subbie, girl, pet, boi…
Sadist - Is a person who likes to dole out pain, humiliation, and cruelty and gets satisfaction from it.
Masochist - Is the flip side to that coin, they ENJOY the pain, humiliation and cruelty. Starting to see a pattern? One cannot be without the other. If you’re in a situation where this duality does not exist, leave the situation.
whips, paddles, crop and paddle brush… common BDSM tools.
Switch – A person who can sit on the fence and play both sides of the D/s coin. They love doling out pain, as much as they like receiving it and they like playing the Top role as often as they enjoy playing a submissive one.
Master/slave relationships are often far more extreme than a Dominant/submissive relationship…which are usually more extreme than a Top/bottom relationship. Personally, I feel there is a HUGE difference in education, practice and skill between a Master and a Top, same for slave and bottom.
SSC is short for Safe, Sane and Consensual. “On the BDSM rack”, this is a must. Without it, it is abuse. Period. If you do not ask for or condone an action, someone is violating your rights, body and mind. Either correct the person if it was an honest mistake or leave the person immediately.
Mistakes are avoided by communication about limits, what you are willing to do, what you are willing to try and what you will never try. Things that are “nevers” are called hard limits. Setting up limits before play/scenario and talking about the things you love and hate is important because during play/scene the words you use in normal conversation might not translate correctly. There are checklists out there to go over if you want too.
Example: Play Rape is the fantasy version of a Rape; a common role play. If you say ” no no! STOP!” it might excite your partner instead of stop what is happening.
Instead, a safe word is said. These words have NOTHING to do with play, or sex. Pick a safe word and agree on it. “Pineapple” is a good one, in the movie/book CHOKE the word “Poodle” was used. The most common, universal safe word is RED. Meaning, of course, STOP immediately. YELLOW is also used when a sub feels the play needs to slow down a little but can still continue. If you can’t talk for whatever reason, hold a ball in your hand – if you throw it, the message is clear. STOP!
Yes, that’s right, WHEN THE SUB FEELS THE PLAY NEEDS TO SLOW DOWN. Did you really think Dominants held the power in a PE relationship? Nope, you are mistaken. Without the submissive’s permission, Dominants would just seem like bullies. Great submissives are strong willed, have a mind of their own and often question authority in their regular every day Vanilla (plain, boring, regular, routine, nothing added…like Vanilla Ice Cream) life. Be careful with submissive people who are submissive in the bedroom though, sometimes a weak self esteem combines with the thought that they HAVE TO BE submissive in bed too… this is potentially dangerous behavior.
If a subbie starts to be a smart ass during a scene they might be labeled a SAM (smart ass masochist) or be accused of Topping from the Bottom (T/b) … results will vary. I’d probably give a quick spank to remind them who is “Boss.” :) During a scene, the Dominant holds the control and if the submissive tries to guide action in their favor it is seen as T/b.
And there in lies one of the big differences between Kinky people, and BDSMers.
If you like rough sex and have a few fetishes, you have good potential to be a BDSMer, but usually it just means you like kinky rough sex. Careful though, you might get picked up by a BDSMer (who has a much deeper love, understanding and need for a PE relationship) who will call you their Vanilla Conversion Project -VCP.
Another big difference between kinky people and BDSMers is sex itself. Many scenes have little to do with having sex, and often don’t even end in orgasm. Don’t get me wrong though, when they do it is pretty damn awesome!
Over GLBT rainbow you’ll find Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transexual, Transgender, Queer and those who are Questioning their sexuality (Sorry if I forgot anyone, it isn’t intentional but all those colors are hard to remember without a fun acronym like ROYGBIV :). But each group of these people are very separate entities, fighting and living for the same cause – their sexuality, preferences and acceptance.
Hung on the the BDSM rack you will find the same thing going on… and even some crossing over, yay! I love me a gay leather daddy bear to befriend! Or even a bisexual swinging female kinkster to bed!
People often put fetishists -people who love and need a certain non sexual practice/item to be present to get them sexually satisfied and fashionistas -people who love getting dressed up; usually in themed garments… but usually refer to people in gothic/industrial clothing…on the rack too because they have no where else to categorize them.
Most BDSMers have accepted this. If a person has a foot fetish or LOVE to wear latex clothing they aren’t also a BDSMer by default, even though there are BDSMers who have a foot fetish or LOVE to wear latex clothing.
Example of a fetish often put on the BDSM rack:
Furries- People who dress up like animals and anthropomorphize them. There are Fur Conventions, websites, and even toy sites dedicated to this Fetish. They often feel a deep affinity for the animal and feel they have some of the same character traits aka “Fursona”. Furries who are Foxes find themselves clever, sneaky and playful… those who feel they are Squirrels find themselves “attracted” to shiney things, quick minded, and cute.
You might recognize this episode of CSI, they helped put Furs on the mainstream map. Furries have their own set of rules, kinks, and even words to go along with their actions. Are some of them gay? sure. Are some of them into BDSM? yep. Are they BDSMers? not always.
Are BDSMers offended? no. Do uneducated people think Furries are sick people who fuck animals? yes. Is this assumption/jump usually wrong? yes. Just like there are fucking idiots out there who assume GLBT will lead to Child Molestation and BDSM will lead to Incest.
Want to figure out if you’re a Kinky person, Fetishist or BDSMer? Watch or read The Story of O, watch Secretary, read The Beauty Trilogy, poke around on Literotica.com stories or message boards or look at images on Kink.com and see how you feel. Those are considered exploration 101; not absolute prime examples. Heck, shoot me a message here, Facebook or Twitter and we’ll help you figure things out!
It’s time for some serious DAPS investigative reporting!! Which basically means I read it on the Internet somewhere and I want to tell you about it. My very good friends over at techcrunch.com have gotten to the bottom of a seedy story of epic proportions involving Facebook and games like FarmVille and Mafia Wars. I believe it will be like Watergate times 200. Let me take this moment to exclaim how much I hate the latest Facebook “update”. It sucks.
How could Facebook, the most Democratic of all social networks which lets it’s user base vote on terms of use, be harboring such a dark secret about the games allowed on it’s platform? Wu-Tang Clan can explain it to ya: in-game cash Rules Everything Around Me. Dollar, dollar bill y’all. Dollar, dollar bill y’all; indeed.
…. these games try to get people to pay cash for in game currency so they can level up faster and have a better overall experience. Which is fine. But for users who won’t pay cash, a wide variety of “offers” are available where they can get in-game currency in exchange for lead gen-type offers. Most of these offers are bad for consumers because it confusingly gets them to pay far more for in-game currency than if they just paid cash (there are notable exceptions, but the scammy stuff tends to crowd out the legitimate offers). And it’s also bad for legitimate advertisers.
The reason why I call this an ecosystem is that it’s a self-reinforcing downward cycle. Users are tricked into these lead gen scams. The games get paid, and they plow that money back into Facebook and MySpace in advertising, getting more users. Who are then monetized via lead gen scams. That money is then plowed back into Facebook and MySpace in advertising to get more users…
Here’s the really insidious part: game developers who monetize the best (and that’s Zynga) make the most money and can spend the most on advertising. Those that won’t touch this stuff (Slide and others) fall further and further behind. Other game developers have to either get in on the monetization or fall behind as well. Companies like Playdom and Playfish seem to be struggling with their conscience and are constantly shifting their policies on lead gen.
The games that scam the most, win.
Oh shit. I’m scared now. What should you, the causal Facebook user, be watching out for? This garbage:
A typical scam: users are offered in game currency in exchange for filling out an IQ survey. Four simple questions are asked. The answers are irrelevant. When the user gets to the last question they are told their results will be text messaged to them. They are asked to enter in their mobile phone number, and are texted a pin code to enter on the quiz. Once they’ve done that, they’ve just subscribed to a $9.99/month subscription. Tatto Media is the company at the very end of the line on most mobile scams, and they flow it up through Offerpal, SuperRewards and others to the game developers.
Another scam: Video Professor. Users are offered in game currency if they sign up to receive a free learning CD from Video Professor. The user is told they pay nothing except a $10 shipping charge. But the fine print, on a different page from checkout, tells them they are really getting a whole set of CDs and will be billed $189.95 unless they return them. Most users never return them because they don’t know about the extra charge. Woot. Again, sites like Offerpal and SuperRewards flow these offers through to game developers. See here for more on the Video Professor scam.
We’ve all been up at 4am and watched infomercials and thought wow I could really use that. But deep down we all know these TV offers are scams. There’s even a website devoted to all these ridiculous products: complaintsboard.com . Well we’re now seeing their equivalent popping up online too.
God dammit give me specifics DAMIAN!!!! Whoa calm down little doggie. Zynga the company that makes Cafe World, Dragon Wars, FarmVille, Fashion Wars, Mafia Wars, Pirates, Roller Coaster, Scramble, Special Forces, Street Racing, Vampires, Word Twist, YoVille! and Zynga Poker reportedly makes 1/3 of their revenues come from these types of offers. So be careful playing them and don’t buy in-game cash/ points from them!
Warning: this might be a little longer than usual, but there is just SO MUCH to say about this product and I’d be doing you a disservice if I skimped on anything!!! Also, if you can’t look at pocket pussies at work, this post is NSFW.
If you remember, I promised to help you guys build an arsenal. I mentioned The Fleshlight in that linked post, but I hadn’t had my hands on one till recently! Now I have a whole bunch!
AND I have a review for you! Now, I know what you’re thinking “But Jane, you don’t have a cock! How would you know?” Well fappers, I’ll have you know that I had the opportunity to give a couple of these out to get you a proper review. My Stunt Cocks have compiled their information and I’m here to share it with you!
First off, Fleshlight is the #1 leading male sex tool on market, and I’d say in history. It has MANY different sleeve textures and cases that you can mix and match to truly customize your fap experience. You’ll have ALOT of combinations to try! You can buy a couple of cases, and the sleeves separately. Every now and then they’ll run a special where you can get a few sleeves for a discounted price.
Cases: Blue, Black, Pearl, Clear and STU comes in Gold. Faces: Lady, Ass, Mouth, Jack (which looks like an ass bent over) Mini Maid (which looks like a girl bent over in Doggy Style) and Stealth (which looks like some sort of belly button slit). Textures: Wonder Wave, Ultra Ribbed, Original, Super Tight, Ultra Tight, Speed Bump, Touch, Cyclone, Vortex and their Stamina Training Unit (STU). Colors: They use to come in Mocha, but now only come in Pink and Clear (which they call Ice).
The Stamina Training Unit (STU) is totally intense, they say if you can last 10 minutes in this thing, it is like 20 minutes of real sex. Even the strong willed only last a few minutes the first time they use it. It is that intense for a reason; it helps build stamina.
Clear, or Ice are their see through models – fappers wondered what it would be like if they could SEE what was going on – so FL helped them out.
Sex in a Can! – FL seems to be copying the idea of a Nooner, a quicky, a shorter model and put the idea in a beer type can. So far there are 3 types. Pink Lotus Lager, Abbey’s Secret Ale, and Spread Eagle Brew. But if you pay attention to their Blog (Fleshlife)- you’ll find that they have a few more tricks up their FL sleeves. (harhar)
Flesh Jack! – FL got smart and started to appeal to a Gay Market, these were molded from male parts instead of female parts!
If you are in the mood for something that vibrates, check out their Vibro models.
Last option, and very much not the least notable are their Fleshlight Girls. These fuckable sleeves have been molded from nine different porn star’s pussies (9 and counting) PLUS they have new textured sleeves in them! (Lotus, Twista, & Forbidden), Now, all that fantasizing about Jenna Haze, Teagan Presley, or internet sensation Raven Riley can be almost real!
Before I told you what my Stunt Cocks told me, here are a few tips.
My Stunt Cocks got a FL Vibro Touch!
1. Put your FL in warm water for 10 minutes to make it feel more life like.
2. Only use a water based Lubricant. We HIGHLY recommend ID GLIDE. If you use the 9 oz. pump bottle, one full drag out of the bottle is more than enough. If it starts to get tacky try adding a few drops of water, more lube, or a tip from my Stunt Cocks is to spit in it (“It is about as realistic as it can get”).
3. If you prefer you tools cold, try putting your FL in the fridge instead.
4. Use CORN STARCH (not any other kind of powder) if your FL starts to get tacky after you’ve cleaned it, it will revive the Reel Feel Superskin on the outside. Simply shake some on, and pat the excess off. Find it in the baking isle at a supermarket.
5. ONLY clean it with warm water, don’t use soap. FL says you can use a little rubbing alcohol if you want to spot clean it, but I do NOT think it is a good idea at all.
6. Make sure your FL dries out COMPLETELY before you put it away, you do not want it to mold or anything gross.
9. Fleshlight fans have this technique where they stick it in a shoe and go to town on it stuck in a couch or pillows; FL came up with these in case you wanted to take fapping to a whole new level!
10. If you fap on the regular and get raw from it, tried other Strokers and they left your cock a little rub burned, OR your girl can’t give hand jobs to save her life… you can fap like 8x in a row with the FL and be perfectly fine.
Vibro Out of the Canister.
On the realistic scale, my Stunt Cocks say that it is a solid 9 out of 10. It loses a point due to that it isn’t actually a real woman. We’d give it that point back on the basis that it doesn’t get preggers, but that would be cheating.
FL claims that their design will make it look like a flashlight and no one will be the wiser; but the case is a pretty big and even I’d pick it up if I didn’t know any better. Others have been in and out of my Stunt Cock’s apartments and never gave it a second glance. Also, they say their stealth model will leave people confused if they DID open your FL up… just the texture and color alone will give it away if you ask me.
Cap Off Front View.
I Think I’m going to start bringing it to workshops because the Pink Lady model even has a clit, clitoral hood and labia minora/majora – they DID NOT skimp on the realism.
Side View Cap Off.
Stunt Cock Reviews:One of them has owned tools before, the other was a total n00bie.
The sleeves come right out, and are really jiggly and soft, the case gives it its form and allows it to grip your cock. Personally, the vibes didn’t do it for me so I don’t use them. Very easy to clean, but it takes a few hours for it to dry completely. I try and blow in it to get alot of the water out quicker and dab it with a towel.
It has a cap on the bottom that you can loosen or tighten to create suction and tightness. If you put yourself all the way in it, then close the cap, you push all the air out and becomes like heaven inside.
Bottom Cap Completely Open.
This is seriously the most earth shattering orgasm I’ve ever had (that wasn’t with a woman), it feels so real and so soft. I even stuck my finger in it before I used it, and it felt so real!
It leaves me more sensitive because I’m not using my hand as often to fap, so when I’m with my girlfriend it feels even better. She was worried the FL was going to replace her, but honestly, it makes me want her more.
It took a couple of times since it was my first Stroker tool ever, I have to admit that the 3rd time was the charm to get the ideal amount of lube in there and the right suction… but after that, it was minutes before I had one of the best orgasms of my life.
FL makes me wonder if they’re ever going to make a case with a bend in it to even better simulate Deep Throating. With the cap on the bottom you get a range of feeling between sex and an awesome blow job.
Another cool thing about FL is that it was long, I’ve owned a few before and they are usually too short for me to use.
Role Play is pretty cool, if you’re girlfriend gets jealous, this is your threesome without the other girl in the room. This is also your variety without getting her mad at you (or you cheating). Thankfully, my girlfriend is awesome and understands that men masturbate and it usually means just that.
I was in fap heaven. I did it more than 3x one day and didn’t even notice till I looked at the clock.
If I had bought my FL, it would be my best purchase of the year.
The corn starch thing is a little weird, but the cleaning routine and up keep on it is totally worth it. I’d almost deduct another point and give it an 8 because the sleeves don’t seem like they last very long – Jane will have to update this post if/when I’ll need another one. So far 6 weeks, and it is fine.
Don’t be tempted to use a different lubricant with it, ID GLIDE is the best, and anything else will totally ruin the material. Jane gave me a couple of different water based ones, and I’ve always come back to ID GLIDE for stroker tools.
The Fleshlight case felt really comfortable in my hand, usually with strokers they’ll feel gummy or slip because you have lube on them – but not this one. It was easy for me to hold, and when my girlfriend picked it up it fit in her hands too.
If you browse their site, they thought of everything, the hardest part is choosing what you want to do first. It isn’t my thing but if you want to try prostate stuff they even have a section for that. I imagine the gay guys love FL too.
This FL is the greatest thing EVER since I discovered masturbation. Sliced bread can go fuck itself! If the TOUCH sleeve I got feels this good, I’m curious to know what the others feel like.
There ya go fappers, enjoy! I hope I didn’t forget anything. Ask anything you’d like to know and I’ll have my Stunt Cocks answer your questions.
What I want to know is; What would be your ultimate Fleshlight?
<3 Jane
PS. If you are local to Staten Island, you can get Fleshlights @NitecapVideo.
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