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MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

Miss March. This is here because it should have been awesome. The writers, directors and actors are two guys from The Whitest Kids U’ Know. How could this not be an awesome comedy? Oh god it sucks. It’s just plain bad. My biggest grievance with the movie is the dubbing over the world retard with crack head. WHY LORD WHYYYYY?

In the early scene at the “Abstinence Now” seminar, some of Raquel Alessi’s (Cindi Whitehall’s) lines were dubbed over for the movie’s final release. Originally, the story she told on stage prominently featured the word “retard”, referring to a baby that was born to an illegitimate mother who smoked. Due to concerns over bad press, the word was changed to “crackhead”.

YUCK.

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

Tiger Woods becomes a hero to all men when he crashes his car and the world finds out that he’s been dipping his stick into a plethora of hot chicks’ fun dip.

Also, Stephon Marbury eats vaseline on a live webcast.

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

Talk about pointless! On November 3rd of 2009 Peek Inc. introduced the TwitterPeek, which is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Its a cell phone shaped device that only does one thing, and I think we can all guess what that thing is just from the name alone. Forgetting for a moment that most people have smart phones these days, Twitter is made so that even those with “dumb phones” can still update and receive twitter messages via SMS. I mean seriously, who is this for?? If you don’t even own a cell phone, why the hell are you tweeting about being at @starbucks?

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Multi-platform) – Oh my GOD was this game straight garbage, almost worse than the movie. It’s graphics alone were a supreme joke,  Simply put the game alone could destroy a franchise, the characters had no character, the story was humorless, the levels were all boring and bland and the game play was SHIT. I am soooooo glad I played this for free and on someone else’s system because I would have had to throw my system out.

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)

It seems like just a few months ago that 2009, that cesspool of internet, came to an end and we closed another chapter in internet culture. Let’s look back at what is surely a piss-poor year. In October, Yahoo (in an attempt to not hemorrhage money) pulled the plug on a number of services, most notably, Geocities, destroying millions of god awful websites dedicated to Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence. During the political turmoil in Iran, a woman is filmed bleeding to death on the streets (from a gunshot). Obviously this belonged on Facebook. Snuff goes mainstream! Oh, don’t forget this triumph of mediocrity. Also, Auto-Tune the News was created (which is less actually shitty than you think, despite what their drama school demeanor lets on). A father gets his son REAL doped up at the dentist. “Is this real life?” Sadly it is. Also people started taking WoW WAAAAYYYY to seriously.

ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

2009 marked the reunion nobody asked for, when Bink-182 came out of retirement to grace the stage with songs 40 year olds probably shouldn’t be singing to 14 year olds. On top of that, they had Fall Out Boy (logical choice…and GHEY) and Weezer open for them. Weezer? Come on, Blink; Weezer are having their own mid-life crisis, but at least theirs is full of Lil’ Wayne collaborations, unpredictable River Cuomo WTF-ness, and some solid hooks. Don’t get them mixed in with YOUR kind of straight-up cash-grab reunion.

POP (contributed by Lauren)

What totally sucked about 2009 in pop music was the terrible tragedy that came out of it. Poor Rihanna, she was domestically abused by her punk-ass boyfriend Chris Brown. He dodged jail time and had to perform many hours of community service. I cannot believe that he only got community service after making her look like this.

Do you remember Bone Thugs-n-Harmony? I know I do. I used to love them but want to know what they did that totally sucked? On February 28th, they put their first single entitled “The Game Ain’t Ready” on MySpace. Because this was their first single is quite a while, fans flocked to the site which in turn, made the site crash for the entire rest of the day because of all the traffic it brought.

So I’m an American Idol freak right? Yes, yes I am. This year I got stabbed in the heart. Dweeby Kris Allen beat probably the best singer to ever grace the stage, Adam Lambert. What is wrong with you America? Is it that you can tell the boy was gay, he later came out of the closet when the competition was over, due to the amount of make-up? Is it because of the crazy outfits? What was it that made this dweeb beat him? Adam, your my American Idol!

HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)

This list could have been pages but this is what I think you might have other opinions if so email DAPS and tell them. with that said HERE WE GO

Ron Browz- “Give Me 20 Dollars” No wifein in da club, GIMME 20 DOLLARS, GIMME 20 DOLLARS, GIMME 20 DOLLARS. When I used to get request for this… & i used too think FML. I would say “pay me 20 DOLLARS.” Some would pay and others would beg, the ones that begged never heard this fuckery… NOTE whats the trend here kids….. AUTOTUNE !!!!!

Black eyed Peas- Boom Boom Pow, WHA WHA WHAT THE F@$%K !!!! is this Rap ? Dance ? Electro ? what ever it is it was and still is everywhere. Question can you even name or care to the the two other members in the Black eyed peas ? I think Will.i.am and Fergie could just be a duo and no one would even notice the other two have left. (sidenote Will.i.am is a super talented producer, songs about girls is really really really dope)

TV (contributed by Chris)

John Madden announces his retirement from broadcasting in the NFL, Paula Abdul leaves American Idol, and David Letterman calls it quits from hiding his illicit affairs; 2009, my friends was a terrible year for the fabled boob tube. But by far, the BIGGEST travesty on television in 2009 must be “Joe Buck Live” The terrible Fox sports commentator must have connections to HBO (read: Joe Buck’s mouth to an HBO executive’s genitalia) because even the guests realized how bad the show was, actually Artie Lange brought it up during a taping. God, i love Artie Lange. God, I hate Joe Buck.

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

Riding the wave of “hope” and “change,” Barack Obama swears in to office in January and becomes the first black president in the country’s history.  Why did this suck?  Because, since then the country regressed into “distrust” and “rage” at what they call socialism.

FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)

Lots of things happened this year but I only feel like only telling you about the massive amount of celebrity deaths. This seriously sucked! I mean how could we lose so much awesome in one year? We lost Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, Britney Murphy (she was HOT!!!), Dom DeLuise, Ed McMahon, Edward Kennedy, John Hughes, Les Paul, Lou Albano, Michael Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Jett Travolta, DJ AM, Walter Cronkite, Ted Kennedy and many many more. I thought of giving myself the axe just to fit in.  It seemed only right to just give up.

I am just really curious how all these people got away with dying. I did not give them permission to kick the bucket so who did? The Government! The government decided that they needed to whack each one of these people off one by one and most of them dying of “natural causes.” A natural cause is being swallowed by the Earth in a earthquake (well not anymore with China being able to control earthquakes). So, what possibly reason could the government have for killing all of these people on us? Simple: THEY ARE A BUNCH OF JERKS!!!

To fight the government follow: this person and this person on twitter to see how you can help!

Tags: "Joe Buck Live", adam lambert, american idol, Artie Lange, barack obama, black eyed peas, Blink 182, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, chris brown, Cindi Whitehall, david letterman, facebook, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Joey Lawrence, John Madden, kris allen, Melissa Joan Hart, Miss March, Myspace, Paula Abdul, Rihanna, Stephon Marbury, The Whitest Kids U' Know, Tiger Woods, TwitterPeek, We Hate The 2000s!, weezer, Yahoo