Posts tagged Bruce Willis

AM-DJ: Every Time I Go to the Mailbox, Gotta Hold Myself Down.

Good morning kid-a-reenos!

This morning we have a classic song which was used in two of my all time favorite films, High Fidelity and Look Who’s Talking. Whether it’s a backdrop for a dancing snoopy doll or part of a Monday morning mix tape compiled by Jack Black, Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves is a surefire Monday morning enema!

Enjoy boys and girls:

Editor’s Note: The actual music video is available here, but the people at EMI (record company behind the song) are morons fucking idiots and don’t understand the power of viral marketing.

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Movie Showdown, 10 Bucks to the Winner… District 9 or Surrogates?

I’m having a hard time deciding if District 9 (August 2009) or Surrogates (September 2009) is more appealing to me.

To give a little more background let’s go into the possible blockbusters a little more in depth.

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District 9 (Starring: Jason Cope, Directed by: Neill Blomkamp, Produced by: Peter Jackson)

Summary: District 9 is based on Alive in Joburg (video), a short film directed by Neill Blomkamp, Sharlto Copley, Simon Hansen and Shanon Worley. The title is influenced by the real-life District 6 in Cape Town. Copley also portrayed one of the interviewed policemen. The short film is about aliens landing in South Africa and becoming confined to a specific area and forced to work. (via Wikipedia)

Promo Video:

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Surrogates (Starring: Bruce Willis, Directed by: Jonathan Mostow, Produced by:  David Hoberman)

Summary: In the year 2017, humans live in isolation and interact only via robotic bodies that serve as surrogates. Several humans are killed when their surrogates are destroyed, and a cop (Bruce Willis) investigates the crimes through his own surrogate. After a near fatal encounter, his surrogate is destroyed, which forces him to bring his human form out of isolation and unravel a conspiracy behind the crimes. (via Wikipedia)

Promo Video:

Now that you’re in the know… Which movie are you more excited about. I’m gonna say I’m partial to a Bruce Willis blockbuster, but I’m gonna be sure to check out both in the good ol’ movie house.

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Where Did All These New Hot Movie Stars Come From??

I love movies. I absolutely love it when there are hot men involved. Within the past year or so, these men have gone from nobody– to just under the A-List movie star role-call. Will these guys be the next power house actors our kids are going to be watching? Or are they going to fall flat in their next box office flop?

1) Bradley Cooper


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Bradley Cooper was in The Hangover this year and it was hysterical. I first took notice to his hotness when he played Rachel McAdam’s boyfriend in Wedding Crashers. He was a prick alright, but looked dam good doing it.

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Potential: Vince Vaughn


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As one of his co-stars in Wedding Crashers, I think Bradley Cooper will eventually make his way to star in roles like Vince. Hopefully he took notes!

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2) Shia LaBeouf


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Personally, I don’t think he  is the hottest thing on the planet, but boy did this kid get lucky. He was a nobody until Disney decided to cast him in Holes. Remember that one kiddies? He was digging dirt for Gods Sake! Now he is making out with Megan Fox?

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Potential: Mel Gibson


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If he plays his cards right, we could be seeing a lot of this kid. He could possibly be in rehab and getting mad divorces in a few years to come.

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3) Justin Bartha


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This guy has the cutest baby face EVAR! His blue eyes are piercing and he commands the screen in The Hangover when he isn’t standing next to Bradley Cooper, lol. I first took notice to this cutie pie when he stared with Cooper again, and Sarah Jessica Parker in Failure to Launch. He plays a computer nerd :)

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Potential: Paul Rudd


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Don’t get me wrong, Paul Rudd is still in the game. But Bartha is riding his coat tail! And Rudd has been around for a while. Remember when he sucked face with Alicia Silverstone in Clueless?


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4) Channing Tatum


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With a body like that, I can look past those big ears pal. God dammit, he’s got sweet abs and sick dance moves, and showed them off in StepUp.


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Potential: Bruce Willis


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Not only do they have the same head and muscles, they have similar acting skills too. I can so see Channing playing a bad ass cop like Willis did. Lets see what G.I. Joe does for him.

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5) Robert Pattinson


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I have a thing for this boy, and I can’t put my finger on it as to why. He is cute, but I have a thing for vampires… and men who play vampires. Should I just date a vampire? Sookie, can you trade worlds with me? Anyway, here is a lovely shot of him playing my favorite vampire, Edward Cullen.

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Potential: Johnny Depp


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Edward Cullen or Captain Jack Sparrow? It’s hard to decide. Depp has always had that awkward style to him. Like he doesn’t really know how hot he is so he tried to keep his hair messy and wear silly hats. Johnny, you got it no matter what you look like and so does Robert.

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6) Zac Efron


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I don’t see what the big deal is with this little boy. He isn’t attractive. He has terrible hair, and doesn’t even sing that well. Is that even his voice in High School Musical?


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Potential: Leonadro DiCaprio


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But, I have to admit, when I was the age of the girls that love Zac, I was in love with Leonardo DiCaprio. I had TONS of pictures of him hanging on my wall. I saw Titanic 5 times in the movies!!!

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7) Taylor Lautner


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Another kid who can thank his rise to fame from Twilight. He is the tall, dark and handsome guy that ladies dream about. Thanks to my boyfriends niece Eloisa, I had the pleasure of seeing Lautner at his prime. When he started in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.


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Potential: Keanu Reeves


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We all know that Keanu Reeves hasn’t picked the best films to star in, like The Lake House, but Lautner has the looks and acting potential to be a big name like Reeves someday. Check out this early pic of him.

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8) Chris Pine


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His career is about to take off. Chris recently stared in Star Trek which did awesome at the box office. I first saw him in Just My Luck with Lindsay Lohan. I thought he was a cutie then, but now he is a man I think could give me children.

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Potential: Harrison Ford


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Thanks to Star Trek, Chris has a bright future ahead of him. If he plays his cards right, he could have a long career of block buster smashes like Harrison Ford.

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Did I miss anyone? Do you agree that these men could be the next superstars?

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Celebrities, only sexier…

The internets is a big place. I would even go as far as saying, you could learn more on the internet than at an ivy league university. That’s pretty cool… Learning is good and all,  but every once in a while the internet gods present us with something so fantastically bizarre that there really are no words.

That being said, I present to you:

CELEBRITIES WITH UPSIDE DOWN FACES!!!!!1!!

These are just a sampling of my personal favorites from a contest being held on Freaking News.com.  The hosts of the contest have this to say about it:

Migraines can cause reversal of vision phenomenon when a person sees everything upside down. In such cases, after migraine attack stops normal vision comes back. Strangely, for human brain it’s more difficult to digest the image of a person flipped vertically, rather than the image where the face stays intact while the head and the rest of the body are flipped vertically. No matter how unusual such edit looks the person on the right is usually more recognizable than his unedited copy on the left.

All I can say is wow, I’d spider-man kiss all of these people! What about you kind folks?

P.S. I know i kind of tricked you guys with the title… because I really am a nice guyAND the fact that I know you’re all perverts, here’s a link to Anna Paquin’s sex scene from last night’s True Blood (By the way, it’s NSFW).

You’re welcome.

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REMAKE 2: EVEN MORE REMAKEDED…The attack of the remakes!

Greetings Valtrex Users,

Not that anyone noticed, but I was away on the cosmic spirit portal jump for the past month being that I am OT III in my branch of scientology. When I returned from my journey I immediately turned on my inferior earth computer and began browsing what you puny earth beings call “The World Wide Web”.  As I was looking I saw something that startled me so much I nearly crushed my neighbors house telepathically (This being one power I have learned to use during my growth as a clear being). The only thing that keeps me connected to this expired planet is movies. Classics should never be touched. Like the clock from Beauty and the beast said, “If it’s not baruch, don’t fix it.” I am seeing a shit ton of movies being remade which means I need to beam back to Holicron Cronus Voltek IV and amass and army to defeat the greedy hollywood warlords.

IN THE NAME OF XENUU! I COMMAND THY LEGIONS TO WAGE WAR ON…. Mom!, get outttt you know this is my alone time! Stop being nosy I always have my pants off when I blog!

I really hate that speak and type program.

Anyways here’s some movies that are being remade without the express written consent of my childhood.

The Flight of the Navigator

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Now, I know I have written about this movie in a past blog, but it holds a special place in my heart because I too experienced the same journey’s in my childhood except my ship was a fridge box covered in tin foil and my alien friends were a shaved rat and a shower head. In my opinion, they are gonna make this movie modern but still keep that disney spirit that’s made all the past movies so great. I heard that in this remake global warming has caused the earth to begin falling apart, this ship comes at the beginning of the movie and rescues one child named Jesus Christophe. The rest of the movie is spent watching numerous different species of animals meet their demise. Amazing disney, your hatred of animals never ceases to amaze.

The next shitbox to be remade is…

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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Now the people who are producing this say it is not a sequel, but a re-imagining of the original movie…So all you nerd queefs will be sad to hear there will be no angel, spike, xander, the dyke witch or any other familiar characters except for the skanky, valtrex using, crab infested cheerleader we all love to run trains on, Buffy. I assume Megan Fox will play the role of Buffy, and the entire movie will consist of her bending over objects whole rubbing her legs and licking her lips…Oh god…I…need…to be alone.

BACK!

Apologies, I needed to go get something…from the…kleenex and lotion store?

Anyways continuing on the path of horrendous remakes, I bring you!

A Nightmare on Elm Street

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You’re welcome ladies. Now this will be another “re-imagining” of the franchise, where the movie will be a lot darker and realistic. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but a burnt pedophile dressed like a candy cane beats the shit out of me everytime I go to sleep, so I don’t know how much more relaistic you can get, Except his name is Eddie Kreiger. He’s german. Jackie Earl Haley is rumored to have the role of our beloved crispy, boy touching, dream weaver. I am looking forward to seeing if Johnny Depp will reprise his role as the gay, half-shirt wearing hershey highway patrolman we know and love from the original. God, that shirt makes me wanna punch a baby.

I just received word they are remaking one of my favorite movies and I just soiled myself, and not in a good way like usual.

TOTAL RECALL…Really?! Really?!

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I thought this movie was great the way it was, but NOOOO you fuckers in Hollywood just can’t leave well enough alone. This is probably gonna star the rock as Quaid and Verne Troyer as Kuato. I see Bruce Willis as Cohagen and…wait…Can we get Megan Fox to put on a prosthetic 3rd titty? If we can I am on board. Let’s do this people the original sucked! Can someone please call ILM and have them interview Megan for a screen test. I WANT GENUINE TRI-TITTY ACTION!

Well I am sure hollywood has a shitload more movies they are going to destroy, but all I leave you with this one word of advice. Petition for a remake of Totall Recall. Do it for Me, do it for Megan, do it for Tri-Titties.

LOVE ALWAYS,

Sham TM Esq.

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