No, seriously…
I’d hate to get sloppy 71,015’s.
But let’s be real for a second… what a whore. (Twitter Whore that is.) I don’t really expect her to live up to her claim, but I would definitely watch the movie they would have to shoot if they did. (LOL at 72,000 dude bukkake.)
Either way, I put my bid in.
GO #NED!
Tags: Blow Job, local sluts, twitter, whore, world cup
No commentsThis is what you missed this week on Jane Blow’s Website just in case your cute n’ cuddly dog ate your computer mouse and you spent your last penny on your ticket for Iron Man PLUS you didn’t know how to navigate using the TAB, SHIFT and ENTER keys.
We finally FMKed Avatar, did a Pervertable special on a cooking utensil, summoned The Gooch for the Sexlopedia and Nikki CoXXX spilled her guts about cheating, breaking up, emotional affairs and being honest with herself. I did a review on Wet Synergy, and wrote a little erotica.
The sexy Jenaveve Jolie made the Spotlight (NSFW).
FACT! She’ll make you fap faster than a speeding bullet!
Barbie Hardcore is on “B is for Blow Job” and discusses her love for giving dome. A woman in a cubical got porn from her boss and flips out, Kendra Wilkinson’s porno make the news and Justin Says you should know your rights when it concerns STD/Is. This week also seemed to be orgasm trouble week, I hope this helps ladies and gents!
<3 Jane
Tags: avatar, Blow Job, jenaveve jolie, orgasm, Sex, The Gooch, Wet Synergy
No commentsis a boner.
Seriously.
Most morning wood is caused by having a full bladder BUT in the instances where that isn’t the case, you cannot let a good boner go to waste. It is worse than alcohol abuse.
Sure, coffee is an option; but you have other others, and one of my favorites is Morning Sex!
BUT there are some do’s and don’ts to accomplishing successful Morning Sex (to your partner anyway, I know you don’t care as long as you get yours).
DO – When you crack open one eye to check what time it is, calculate if anyone will be late to work. Usually Morning Sex trumps going in on time, but in this economy you don’t want some morning quicky to lead to unemployment.
DON’T – Touch us with cold hands. Warm up your hands. We want to feel your warmth and coziness, not your cold ass hands on our nice warm under the blanket body.
DO – Keep mints in your bedside drawer/table.
DON’T – Jab around our pussies blindly. If you notice we’re not Niagara Falls down there, wet your fingers. Use a little lube packet or spit.
DO – Kiss our necks, rub our shoulders, put us on our backs slowly. We could be having an awesome dream and we love morning sex too, but we could be enjoying being a ninja or something. Besides it’s a fact that more men prefer morning/afternoon sex and women tend to prefer sex later in the day/night time. Probably due to NPT.
DON’T – Breathe in our faces, and we’ll be nice enough to not do it to you. Pick a position where face contact (if morning dragon breath grosses you out) isn’t going to happen. Try a spooning position, or keep your head buried in her neck during missionary. If you’re a bit more awake, try doggy style.
DO – Girls, get right to it. I don’t know if you know this yet, but morning wood doesn’t really like to be messed with. Guys who absolutely love a blow job, mostly just want to be fucked in the morning. So lick him a bit, get yourselves wet and hop on for some cowgirl (or reverse cowgirl) action. <– Some MAY differ, but from what I’ve surveyed, skip the playful blowie.
DON’T – This is not a marathon session, even if it is a morning you have nothing to do. Let him get up and pee, possibly brush teeth and swipe on some deodorant before you start up again. Maybe even move your sexin’ to the shower.
If you obey these do’s and don’ts, I’m sure you’ll have successful morning sex. If you’re flying solo – grab yourself a Fleshlight and cheat on Rosey Palms for an amazing morning experience.
Do you have a tip or a fail you learned from?
<3 Jane
Tags: alcohol abuse, Blow Job, blowie, boner, coffee, cowgirl, dragon morning breath, Lube, missionary, morning sex, morning wood, Niagra Falls, nocturnal penile tumescence, NPT, reverse cowgirl, spooning
2 commentsIf you buy a lube or lotion that tingles, it is because it has L’Arginine or Menthol in it, sometimes both. If you have a negative reaction to something with Menthol in it, try the L’Arginine and vice versa. Some of you out there are allergic to menthol and don’t know it till you try something the sex industry puts out.
Other key words to look for are “Intensify, Shared Pleasure, Pleasure, and _______ Plus.” Those words usually mean they added something tingly.
The color of these bottles, if they aren’t clear and say “Intense” on them – are usually in the Purple family, unless it comes in a flavor.
Menthol gets cold, L’ Arginine tingles. Yohimbe gives you that numby tingly feeling, and Ginsing has a “zingy” feeling to it.
Usually made for women, to rub (that is the trick, you must rub it in) on their clits topically – feels amazing during sex, masturbation or intensifies an otherwise boring day of errands.
Benzocaine, or Lydocaine and in higher quantities Yohimbe will numb you. Yohimbe is found in the higher end products like Pjur or Eros brand. You can find these ingredients in Anal Eze, Rear Entry, Stud Spray, China Brush, Stay Hard, Delay, and Long Play sprays, creams, lotions, and lubes. Usually made to make men last longer, or anal sex less painful.
High End for your Back End.
Makes it easier to pluck your eyebrows too.
Butt Love!
Marathon Cream by Adam & Eve
No more than 2 quick sprays from a distance.
1. Men: Get hard, get the BJ, have fun – THEN apply the delay stuff if you want to. Then go down on her, do something else for at least 10 minutes so it dries and doesn’t rub off on her too much.
2. When you’re both numb, you feel nothing. So don’t add too much, and don’t rush the process.
3. We warn AGAINST using Anal Eze. If it hurts you are doing it wrong. Pain is your body saying “SLOW THE FUCK DOWN JERK!” If you can’t feel what is going on, you can do damage.
Want to try something really nice? You’ve heard of Head on for head aches. Try Hard on for dicks! Put this on your lips, and give a blow job. It’ll feel awesome because it tingles and is cold AND it has a little yohimbe in it, so he’ll last longer ;)
Warming and Cooling lubricants are a different experience too. Warming hit the market in the 90s and these bottles are usually Red. Cooling has lots of menthol in it and the bottles are usually White and Blue or just blue. A not so new idea is also coming back, companies are putting Aphrodisiacs and Pheromones in lubricants and lotions; Climax Burst’s bottle is Orange. This post is already a little long, so Aphrodisiacs and Pheromones will be covered another time. Sorry kids.
Aphrodesiac …. Cooling …. Warming; the beads are aloe!
Most brands of lubes out there have a warming lube, not everyone has a cooling though. We like Ice, or Climax Bursts blue bottle.
Lubes you can obviously use during sex, inside your body and out. Lotions shouldn’t really be used inside of your body, they are much better topical.
KY Yours & Mine: Lube – in our opinion, Over rated.
One of the tubes gets warm, the other tingles/gets cold and combined in theory – feels pretty good.
KY wasn’t made for sex, no matter what they say in the commercial. It was made for medical visits. Imagine your ass in the air guys or legs in stirrups ladies, not for prolonged fucking. It gets sticky and gummy; it just sucks. Plus the bottles leak like crazy. For the record, we don’t like Astroglide either. These brands are popular because they’ve been around for so long. Stop buying them for sex.
Climax Intensify: Lube – This is the stronger, in our opinion of the tingle lubes that are out there.
ID brand lubricants has a “Pleasure” which used to be “Plus”. It is a lube that tingles. We like ID products over Wet brand products.
Orgasmix: Lotion – Great!
Classic clit cream. Rub it on and have sex, masturbate, make someone blow on it, go for a walk… doesn’t matter, it’ll feel awesome.
Keep it in your purse, we swear its cool. Just don’t let anyone lick it, its kinda gross. Hell, try putting it on your nipples, or under the head of his dick.
Nympho’s Desire: Lotion – This is another classic product you’ll find online, at home parties and in stores. I wouldn’t lick this stuff either.
Cleopatra’s Secret: Lotion – Another Great Product!
Another great clit cream, but this one comes in flavors! It does everything Orgasmix does, but your partner can lick you too.
Some companies even make one for G-spot. It is a combo tightening/tingle cream. Real quick note on tightening lotions: they irritate the lining of the vagina and puff it up so you become tighter. It isn’t a permanent fix, and is usually unnecessary. Do your kegals instead.
We like Adam & Eve’s G-Spot brand. The company is one of the oldest and everything they put out is geared to couples, even their dvds.
I think we covered them all. If you want to know more, just ask us!!
Twitter @SexpertJaneBlow . Facebook.com/JaneBlow . Myspace.com/Jane_Blow and email us at Si.Sexperts@gmail.com !
I’ll say it once, I’ll say it 1000x. A good way to find out if the person you’re buying from knows their stuff, is how well they know their lubes and lotions. If they don’t know them, stop listening to them about almost anything else in the store. They are either new, don’t care, or work on commission.
Excitement about a good product cannot be faked, they’ll come off as genuinely excited if they know their products and want you to be happy.
<3 Jane!
Tags: Adam & Eve G-Spot, Adam & Eve Marathon Cream, Aloe, Anal Eaze, Anal Sex, Analyse Me, Astroglide, Benzocaine, Blow Job, China Brush, Cleopatra's Secret, climax, Climax Bursts Aphrodesiac, Climax Bursts Cooling, Climax Bursts Warming, Climax Intensify, Clit, Delay Spray, Eros, Ginsing, Hard On, Head On, Ice Lubricant, ID Pleasure, Intense, KY, KY Yours & Mine, L'Arginine, Long Play, Lotion, Lube, Lydocaine, masturbation, Menthol, Nitecap Video, Nympho's Desire, Orgasmix, Pjur, Rear Entry, Rock Hard Power Spray, Sex, Wet, Yohimbe
4 commentsWe always encourage people to ask questions about sex and their relationships with their partners and friends. It helps eliminate Bedroom Dysfunction and misconceptions about sex. Actually, on the grand scheme of things, you should question everything (including authority).
When I (Jackie) was younger I’d ask all of my friends questions about their sexual life because I was curious to see if I was “the only one” who thought certain things … and to collect free porn sites. When I started, all we had was masturbation and being felt up though. I’d call it ‘A Senseless Survey’, and my friends would look forward to them because they were able to find out of they weren’t “the only one” either. I would privately collect the info, and put my friend’s answers in a paragraph and email it back to everyone. No names, no personal info. As I got older I became something of a sexual Dear. Abby. My ‘Senseless Surveys’ gave that same anticipated feeling as hearing the ice cream man from up the block did. I became my friends’ very own Pavlov. My friends told me they called my survey’s “The Ultimate Sex Cheat Sheets” and told me to write a book one day out of all of the info compiled. One day… one day.
Best thing is, this happened to Shannon too. We had different paths in life but we both ended up at Nitecap Video where we received more questions and further honed our skills as a Sexpert.
Everyone had the friend they talked to about sex, and it turned out – it was us! And it stayed with us through intermediate school, high school and college.
Now, this practice for Jane Blow hasn’t stopped….well, the mass emails stopped for some time, but now we have DAPS to send forth the collected information of sexual behavior and questions.
But enough about Jane Blow…
we want to hear FROM YOU.
Shannon and I would like to make (for now) one of our posts a month, about the questions YOU ask us.
We are sincere when we say “Ask Us Anything” because we have not only heard it all, but we’ll also give you an educated/fun answer. We want you to ask us anything you’d like about sex – may it be personal for you, or an in general question that you’ve wondered about. Best toys, favorite porn stars, “is _______ normal?”, xxx events, best place to get a rub-n-tug, hygiene – you can even go the fetish, taboo route because if you can’t ask US you can’t ask anyone. You will find no judgment here.
We will respond first privately to you so you can have your answer of course. In the posts we wont include names so feel free to question us but sign it with an alias for the post’s sake.
AND to get the ball rolling, here is a question from this week we received from a male Facebook follower:
Q: What are the do’s/don’ts of having sex with a girl while she is on her period?
A: DO lay down a dark towel. DON’T be too rough because her skin is separating/supple and any tares would be bad. DO try oral sex (if you KNOW FOR SURE SHE DOESN’T HAVE ANY STIs), possibly with a tampon in. Earn your Red Wings while she is Riding the Cotton Pony. DON’T swallow or push on the tampon to avoid TSS. DO try to avoid her first 3 days because she could be very achy and messy. DON’T pinch her nipples too hard because her body is far more sensitive, what was pleasurable could be painful during this week. DO pay attention to her “ooos” and “aaaahs” they will tell you everything you need to know (if she doesn’t). DO everything you can to make her comfortable if it isn’t her idea of a good time. DON’T pressure her into it if she doesn’t want to try it, but ask her to keep an open mind to it – it could be fun.
Since this is a time of change for her body there is ALOT of circulation going on down there, which means she is VERY sensitive. This could make for a very painful experience if done wrong. But if done right, it is very amazing.
You could just ask for a blow job or make this the perfect time to ask for some anal sex. Though, you’ll probably get punched. So if you need it that bad and she isn’t going to help you out – give Strokers or Cock Rings (more on those in another post) they’ll better your FAPing and then if we’re in the mood, we’ll make you your damn sandwich.
mmmmm…after FAP sandwich!
If you’d like to know more, ask. We can talk for hours on this question. Thank you for asking it. :)
Encourage others to stop in, and throw a question to us:
Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, SI.Sexpert@gmail.com OR Jane.Blow@dogandponyshowwebsite.com !!!
P.S Be sure to listen for us soon on Degocast !!
<3 Jane
Tags: Anal Sex, Bedroom Dysfunction, Blow Job, Cheat, Cock Rings, Degocast, facebook, fap, free porn, masturbation, menstruation, Myspace, Nitecap Video, Pavlov, Period, porn, Questioning Authority, questions, Red Wings, Riding the Cotton Pony, Sandwich, Sex, Sexpert, Sexpert Jane Blow, Stroker, Towel, TSS, twitter
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