Greetings Valtrex Users,
I am just another one of the flock reading those damn tabloid magazines and watching TMZ, and though I loathe these people with every ounce of my being, I am drawn to the stories of their everyday lives. I have reached a point where I spit on the magazines and punch a baby everytime I see TMZ or any of those letters (both reasons why I am no longer allowed in CVS) so I felt it was time to make a list of these sunzabitches and the reasons why I feel they should be fed to lions while I watch and play with myself.
HEIDI MONTAG AND SPENCER PRATT
I place these 2 wastes of oxygen on the tippy top of my list. I could not watch tv, surf the net, or masturbate to my Playboy without seeing at least one of these morons make an unnecessary appearance. I would bang Heidi like a drum, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not the type I’d go out of my way for…If she was wasted at a bar and a group of guys had her on top of a pinball machine, I might take a shot…
NOTE: Sham does not condone rape in any form unless it’s your girlfriend and shes a paraplegic. WHATDOESSHECARE???? AMIRIGHT?
Spencer needs to get smashed in the face with a led pipe. He is the douchiest motherfucker on this side of the universe and if someone in Hollywood would just kick his teeth in I would donate a full paycheck to the “RID DARFUR OF OBESITY” fund.
Jon and Kate
Here’s another dynamic duo of Dickhead. Have you watched this show? I watched a few episodes at the request of my woman and I have to tell you, I do not use the C word often, but this woman is the biggest Creep on the planet. If I were her husband I would have killed myself 3 days into the marriage. They both whored their kids out for money and now they’re both bitching to the press about each other. Here’s an idea. Take all that money you made and put it away for your kids you pieces of shit. Hey Kate, use some money to get rid of those stretch marks because your stomach looks like Freddy Kreuger’s taint. Jon, you aren’t cool, you never were cool, and the only reason anybody knows who you are is because you had 47 kids. If that grants you fame then the pedophile on my block with the kid collection in his basement should have an Emmy award winning show. Oh hey Special Agent…If anyone feels the need to pour molten crayon on both of them I will donate another paycheck to the ”RID THE PLANET OF ED HARDY” fund.
Cunt. Whew, I was holding it in and that felt amazing.
The Real Housewives of wherever
I hear this show has many incarnations and I have never seen it, but to watch these spoiled, unattractive pigs in the tabloids bitching about not being able to put gas in their bentley it makes me want to throw a rabid cat into a group of schoolchildren. Fuck you Housewives. Your sugar daddies are cheating on you because you’re wrinkly and suffer from Boars Head Labia. Plus, no guy wants to come home and play with orangutan titties.
Last, but not least…
The crazy family who whored their psychotic son, and glorified birthday balloon out for publicity!!!!
Falcon Heene and family!
I know they don’t have a show yet, but they will. You all know what they did, we all watched in awe as this balloon flew through the air and everyone was gasping. I knew this wasn’t real because of how I was raised. If it was me who made believe I was in the balloon and they found me in the garage, my parents wouldn’t be talking to reporters. No siree. The reporters wouldn’t hae been able to hear the helicopters hovering above over the high pitched screams I released as my parents beat the shit out of me. Now I know your saying your parents were abusive. Fuck you. I turned out pretty damn good and I never tried to take my dad’s hovercraft for a joyride believe you me. The father should be strung up and covered in midget piss and thrown into a pit of sex hungry, gay, male midgets. I will donate a box of condoms to the “Let’s eradicate useless pregnancy” fund if someone shoots a bb gun at that balloon the next time they try that shit again. We’ll see if the family is so eager to lie when their son Parakeet is plummeting to the earth at mach 3.
Here’s some evidence to prove this family is insane. Here’s a video of the 3 sons doing a music video called “I’m Not Pussified”. Wow.
Compelling and rich.
These bastards are making millions for being assholes, douchebags, bad parents, sluts, alcoholics…I say any one of you are all of those things so why can’t you get paid? JOIN ME!
Love always,
Sham TM Gossellin
Tags: Balloon boy, Ed Hardy, Falcon Heene, Heidi and spencer, heidi montag, Jon and Kate, Jon Gossellin is a douche, SPencer Pratt, the heene family, the real housewives of atlanta, tmz
Make this viral and you get 1,000,000 internet dollars.
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I want to make millions for being an alcoholic asshole media whore…Sham how do we do it?
I agree Wholeheartedly, but I would put Jon and Kate at the top. Just sayin.