I love Apple products, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Sure, it hurts my heart to know that they employ what is essentially slave labor to build their products, and that there is a ridiculous markup on their gizmos. It just works well for me, and I’m an American, and I can buy what I want.
There is a line I won’t cross though. I won’t modify my body to better use an Apple product.
Seriously guy? Seriously?
First of all, who likes iPod Nanos that much? Get an iPhone bro.
I never heard of Red River Hogs either, but apparently it has something to do with their coloring.
The red river hog (Potamochoerus porcus), also known as the bush pig (but not to be confused with P. larvatus, common name “bushpig”), is a wild member of the pig family living in Africa, with most of its distribution in the Guinean and Congolian forests. It is rarely seen away from rainforests, and generally prefers areas near rivers or swamps.
Red river hogs eat grasses, berries, roots, insects, molluscs, small vertebrates and carrion. They are capable of causing damage to plantations. Red river hogs typically live in herds of six to 20 members led by a dominant boar. Sows rear three to six piglets at a time.
Well a sow, Binti, and her baby daddy Runty, just hit that 3-6 piglet mark at the Kansas City Zoo after birthing those four cuties up above.
mmmm pig milk.
Pigs are cute and all, but there is part of me that cant really get behind the whole “rolling in your own filth” thing. I mean, I feel gross if I skip a shower.
You know these people who have pigs as pets? They are weirdos if you ask me. Sure, it’s cute, but so are baby sheep, doesn’t mean I want a petting zoo in my dining room. And do they swear off pork? I’d imagine that their beloved pet wouldn’t like to wake up to the delicious scent of bacon.
You know what I have right now? A big old NERD BONER!
Why? Because seeing the two of my most favorite things together just makes me happy. And seriously, when hell is full and the dead walk the earth, who will protect us from zombies? The government? Pshhhhhhh. Nope. If the Battle of Yonkers has taught us anything is that our military is only prepared for the last war. We need the help of some ninja teens of the mutant variety. (How many zombie related references can I make?)
OK, enough playing around here’s what you’ve been waiting for:
By now you’ve heard that Beastie Boy Adam Yauch recently passed away. If you didn’t know until you just read it here, I’m sorry for having to be the bearer of bad news. I do, however, have some gooder news.
Wayyy back in 2005, long before movie producers brilliantly decided to turn the board game, BATTLESHIP into a feature film. Damian, Lobbercrab, and Drew made our own film about our childhood staple.
Because chances are that you haven’t seen it, I’m sharing it here. I don’t care if you don’t care. it’s my goddamn website and I can share whatever the fuck I want.
NOW WATCH!
You might have noticed that most of the lines were lifted from a different famous action movie, or that this video has a bitchin’ soundtrack, but most importantly, unlike the big screen version of BATTLESHIP. Our video features the game prominently.
So, we win.
Also, LOL @ Nitebot pictures.
OH, Also this, it’s completely unrelated, but shut up.
I’m not going to tell you that I unintentionally hit on a member of this band, but my friends might try and convince you otherwise.
The Matches are one of my favorite bands who made music in the last 10 years. It saddens me deeply that they aren’t making music together anymore. I can take solace in the fact that they have a music video where a dancing girl has a TV for a head.
And the only way to avoid it is to brush their teeth with booze. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. (This ultra long ‘haha’ is me actually laughing at loud. (I won’t be typing ‘lol’ because I’m not a 13 year old girl))
One of the things that amazes me is when an awesome story/event falls through the cracks here at DAPS. I scour these internets and try to find the funny, day-in and day-out. But, I failed you loyal DAPS readers, because this clip from last week’s 2012 Comedy Awards is seriously,insanely funny.
It’s common knowledge that for everyone in our generation, The Daily Show is one of the funniest news satire programs ever created. But what makes it so funny? The Correspondents, sillywinks. Remember a lowly correspondent named Stephen Colbert? Yes, the very same Stephen Colbert, host of the hugely popular the Colbert Report, started as a correspondent on The Daily Show!
Well, last week after winning the Best Late Night Comedy Award, Jon Stewart turned the mic over to his correspondents and they totally trolled you America. Traditionally, after winning an award, the winner picks a cause of great importance to them and speaks about how their performance is dedicated to that cause. After winning their award the Daily Show correspondents did the exact opposite. They picked ridiculous non-sequitur causes to rally against, and I love each and every one of them. Here’s the list:
I want the world to completely stop existing and for life as we know it to end in December just like everyone else, but sadly, it doesn’t look like it’s the case.
The oldest-known version of the ancient Maya calendar has been discovered adorning a lavishly painted wall in the ruins of a city deep in the Guatemalan rainforest.
The hieroglyphs, painted in black and red, along with a colorful mural of a king and his mysterious attendants, seem to have been a sort of handy reference chart for court scribes in A.D. 800 — the astronomers and mathematicians of their day. Contrary to popular myth, this calendar isn’t a countdown to theend of the world in December 2012, the study researchers said.
“The Mayan calendar is going to keep going for billions, trillions, octillions of years into the future,” said archaeologist David Stuart of the University of Texas, who worked to decipher the glyphs. “Numbers we can’t even wrap our heads around.”
Great. Now I’m going to have to pay off all that credit card debt I incurred trying to spend my last living days “ballin” with the 3 DVD plan from Netflix and cartons of indian reservation cigarettes from the internet.
The notion that the world would end came from people thinking that Mayans had magical insight into the future and created an arbitrary system of time that when compared to our arbitrary system of time, ended on December 21st, 2012. And we all know that having an old calendar laying around can cause a great deal of confusion.
I was kind of banking on this apocalypse. I mean, how awesome would that have been? Sure, we all would be dead or something, but those couple of hours when shit starts popping off would have been awesome.
In 2012 athletes are not limited to communicating strictly through print or television media. Many have their own websites, twitter accounts or blogs. Here at DAPS we are committed to scouring the internet to find the very best of athlete’s online blogs for your information and entertainment purposes. This week we have Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett who is in the midst of the kind of media firestorm that could only happen in Boston, people are pissed that he went golfing while supposedly recovering from an injury. Here is an entry from his online blog from this week.
Howdy Ya’ll, Josh.0 (it’s a new nickname I am trying out, ya know like Tosh.0?) here. Right off the bat let me address this so called controversy about golfing when I am supposed to be resting my lat muscle. First off I don’t even know what a lat muscle is. That sounds like hippie shit, we don’t have those in Texas and you DO NOT mess with Texas. I can promise you that I am on a strict 6,000 calorie a day diet and have cut down the number of beers I have. I’m only having a 12 pack on days I don’t pitch and a 6er on the days I do. As for the concerns about my weight well muscle weighs more than fat so ya’ll can just get off my balls.
Besides, I was golfing it’s not like I was doing some strenuous activity like rock climbing or marathon running or that stair master that Dusty is always using. I was playing golf for God’s sake and to be honest I’m using playing in the loosest sense of the word here. Mostly I was just pounding brewskis with my broskis and pretending to be Happy Gilmore. I can promise you that I wasn’t doing anything even remotely strenuous enough to injure myself. I’m a world class athlete, not some old woman with a bad hip.
Now as far as my “slow start”, let me put all your fears to rest Red Sox nation. I’m a big game pitcher, I don’t know if you heard but I got two World Series rings and I went into Yankee stadium and shut them out back in 2003 on 3 days rest. You guys aren’t paying me $15 million a year to win games in May. Heck you aren’t paying me at all because John Henry and the other owner’s sign my checks so ya’ll can kiss my ass.
Thats the face of a man who was just invited to lick Josh Beckett's balls
Besides, I haven’t been nearly as bad as Clay Buchholz who I started calling Clay Aiken he’s been so bad. I even got Big Papi to start calling him that although I’m pretty sure it’s because Papi doesn’t know who Clay Aiken or Clay Buchholz are and really doesn’t understand English all that well. Hell, I’m having a better season than Dice-K. That dude hasn’t pitched like all year, probably out having sushi or something. The Red Sox paid $51.1 million just to TALK to that guy. Heck I talk to the team for free all the time. Just the other day I told our manager Bobby V. that I wasn’t doing these stretching drills he wants us to do anymore and he can lick my balls. Boom, free of charge, you’re welcome.
Now that we have all that cleared up, you fans can go back to drinking your Sam Adams, eating your clam chowda and adoring me. And if not then well ya’ll can lick my balls.
So there it is; everything you wanted to know about the Josh Beckett golfing controversy straight from the horse’s mouth (or the horse’s ass depending on your perspective). If there are any other “Real” athlete’s blogs you would like to see let us know and we will faithfully scour the internet for them.
Sure, this is where we share the majority of awesomeness and internet shenanegans, but we DAPS kids can also be found pretty much everywhere else on the web. So, check us out everywhere else AND in your email inbox. Hell, if you really want, we'll print out the site everyday and mail it to your house. Why not?
Connect with DAPS
Sure, this is where we share the majority of awesomeness and internet shenanegans, but we DAPS kids can also be found pretty much everywhere else on the web. So, check us out everywhere else AND in your email inbox. Hell, if you really want, we'll print out the site everyday and mail it to your house. Why not?