Live-Blog: Biodetection Technologies Conference 2008…

Vin live-blogs a seemingly boring event…seemingly.

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9:25pm: Well, it looks like I can never go back to New York. I’ve killed the farmer so that I could feast on his brain and drink his blood so that I would have protein and liquid to survive out in the forest. I guess i’ll just have to roam the land, Bill Bixby style, so that I won’t be caught by the police. I’ll still be writing for DAPS so long as I have my laptop. But the killing will probably never end(so long as I still have a taste for blood). That’s just something you guys on the site will have to get used to. I’ll probably show-up for special events here and there; but for now i’m just going to hang low and hop from town to town in search of cool things to write about. Well, i’m tired. Killing people can sure wear a guy out. I’m going to sleep. I’ll be back writing my usual banter in a few days. Goodnight everyone.

8:50pm: Well, I was on the 8:05 train to Boston. I stole Dave’s sword and took it on the train with me. A few minutes into the ride, a small child noticed my sword and wanted to see it. I took it out for him to look at. After he was done looking at it I told him to close his eyes and I would give him some candy. I then took the sword and sliced the child’s head off. This didn’t go over well with the other passengers, so I was pretty much forced to kill all of them. After killing everyone, including the conductor, I jumped off of the side of the train and on to a pile of wet hay on the outside of a farm. I am currently writing this from within a barn. I’ll post another update sometime before 9:30.

7:35pm: I think that Dave is on to me. He keeps giving me strange looks and excusing himself to go make phone calls. I am planning on stealing one of his swords and sneaking out of the house when he’s not looking. From there i’ll probably catch the next train out of town and start my life a new.

6:53pm: I’m currently at my friend’s house; he doesn’t want his name revealed(don’t tell anyone, it’s Dave Pacheco). I am closely eyeballing his authentic samurai swords and am contemplating using them to fend off the police if and when they find me. Dave’s cool. He’s making pancakes for dinner; that’s crazy. Breakfast for dinner? I like it. Things are starting to look up for me. I’ll keep you posted sometime near the end of the seven o’clock hour.

5:57pm: Bad news; the web feed still isn’t working. I decided to pawn my watch for a vial of Salvia and some Twix bars. They were both delicious. A homeless man tried to steal my laptop so I beat him to death with a heavy rock. Currently I am hiding out in the ball-pit of a Chuck-E-Cheese. I think the parents are on to me. Got to go; will post another update before seven.

5:25pm: Long story short, Drew found the dead girl scouts in my furnace and upon attempting to silence him with my fire-poker, he escaped out of the window that I had broken with my Rock Band guitar earlier in the day. He probably called the police. I am now on a bus with my laptop and am traveling to an undisclosed location to attempt to watch the live feed from the conference again. Should be fun. I’ll post another update at the top of the hour.

4:30pm: That was a pain in the ass. Those cat brains leave some mighty big stains that are hard to get out. Drew just called me up and said that he is coming over on his way home from work–and he’s bringing hot wings. I think he’s here, so i’ll go get the door and update you all in about forty minutes.

3:15pm: Yummy. Those pecan sandies were delicious. It’s too bad the girl scouts weren’t here to enjoy them–because they are all dead. The party balloons I blew up are starting to deflate. I was feeling cold because my air conditioning won’t turn off; so I warmed myself up by putting a loaded gun in my mouth. I also got board and started to play Russian Roulette with my pet cat, Whiskers. I won, but Whiskers wasn’t so lucky. I have to go now; I have to go scrape Whiskers’ brains off of my kitchen wall. I’ll be back in about an hour.

2:20pm: A little while ago my doorbell rang; it was a pack of girl scouts selling cookies. Seeing as I had no money on me, I decided to lure them into my house and throw them into my furnace. Well how else was I supposed to get away with stealing their delicious cookies? I’m not worried about the parents. They were waiting in their cars outside, so I took out my flamethrower, burned them alive, and sent them to hell. All this killing is making me hungry. I think i’ll go eat more of those cookies and take a short nap. I’ll be back in about an hour.

1:25pm: It’s official; my live feed of the event is broken. I’ve started to just give-up and play Xbox. Marvel: Ultimate Alliance is a really underrated video game. I did start out playing Rock Band but my controller broke after I repeatedly slammed it into my window after failing to get past the solo in Say it ain’t so for the 20th time. Oh, wait. Someone is at the door. I’ll write more in a little while.

12:34pm: Well, i’m back home and on my answering machine are messages from Damien, Tavis, Casey, Flam, Rocco, Phil, Billy, and everyone else from the site. It seems that they all can’t make it. Fine. I guess i’ll just watch the Biodetection Technologies Conference by myself. I can’t wait to hear Prof. James Falkner talk about the advent of the effects of Hawking radiation on Polar Bears in Alaska. As of right now, the video feed on my computer isn’t working so I can’t watch any of it yet. I’m sure it’s just booting-up. It should be running fine by 1:00pm.

11:56am: Well that was sure something. I went to go pick up the party clown, and when I got to his house he was smoking a pack of Virginia Slims and wanted his money up-front. Since all of us guys have decided to chip-in for the clown, I don’t yet have the money. He then pulled a knife on me and tried to shank my neck. Luckily I was able to wrestle off one of his clown shoes and throw it at his balls as I was running away. On the ride back home, Mikey said that he couldn’t make it. Soon after, Chris and Drew also called and told me that they were not going to come as well. I stopped off for some White Castle on the way home and started to drown my sorrows in undersized meats and krinkle-fries. Next update should come in less than an hour.

9:35am: Oh boy, today is going to be great. I’ve invited the whole gang from DAPS over for a party to watch the Biodetection Technologies Conference 2008 live via webcam off of my Mac. There’s going to be chips and salsa(yum), cotton candy, balloons, and a party clown. Speaking of which, I have to go pick him up now. He lives all the way out in Newark, NJ so i’ll probably post the next update around noon.

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