is a boner.
Seriously.
Most morning wood is caused by having a full bladder BUT in the instances where that isn’t the case, you cannot let a good boner go to waste. It is worse than alcohol abuse.
Sure, coffee is an option; but you have other others, and one of my favorites is Morning Sex!
BUT there are some do’s and don’ts to accomplishing successful Morning Sex (to your partner anyway, I know you don’t care as long as you get yours).
DO – When you crack open one eye to check what time it is, calculate if anyone will be late to work. Usually Morning Sex trumps going in on time, but in this economy you don’t want some morning quicky to lead to unemployment.
DON’T – Touch us with cold hands. Warm up your hands. We want to feel your warmth and coziness, not your cold ass hands on our nice warm under the blanket body.
DO – Keep mints in your bedside drawer/table.
DON’T – Jab around our pussies blindly. If you notice we’re not Niagara Falls down there, wet your fingers. Use a little lube packet or spit.
DO – Kiss our necks, rub our shoulders, put us on our backs slowly. We could be having an awesome dream and we love morning sex too, but we could be enjoying being a ninja or something. Besides it’s a fact that more men prefer morning/afternoon sex and women tend to prefer sex later in the day/night time. Probably due to NPT.
DON’T – Breathe in our faces, and we’ll be nice enough to not do it to you. Pick a position where face contact (if morning dragon breath grosses you out) isn’t going to happen. Try a spooning position, or keep your head buried in her neck during missionary. If you’re a bit more awake, try doggy style.
DO – Girls, get right to it. I don’t know if you know this yet, but morning wood doesn’t really like to be messed with. Guys who absolutely love a blow job, mostly just want to be fucked in the morning. So lick him a bit, get yourselves wet and hop on for some cowgirl (or reverse cowgirl) action. <– Some MAY differ, but from what I’ve surveyed, skip the playful blowie.
DON’T – This is not a marathon session, even if it is a morning you have nothing to do. Let him get up and pee, possibly brush teeth and swipe on some deodorant before you start up again. Maybe even move your sexin’ to the shower.
If you obey these do’s and don’ts, I’m sure you’ll have successful morning sex. If you’re flying solo – grab yourself a Fleshlight and cheat on Rosey Palms for an amazing morning experience.
Do you have a tip or a fail you learned from?
<3 Jane
Tags: alcohol abuse, Blow Job, blowie, boner, coffee, cowgirl, dragon morning breath, Lube, missionary, morning sex, morning wood, Niagra Falls, nocturnal penile tumescence, NPT, reverse cowgirl, spooning
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I <3 weekend morning hat tricks.
is folgers in your cup!!