Before you travel home during the holidays with your sex toys, manly tool arsenal and your bag of kink… I want to help you avoid any embarrassing situations you might encounter.
A really long time ago, I took a trip to Florida (from NYC) to meet my boyfriend’s family for the first time. I was crazy nervous even though I talked on the phone with them for over a year. Before I went, I checked the weekly weather forecast and made sure to pack sun dresses, bathing suites and tasteful clothing.
I also kept in mind that when they left the house or went to sleep it was time to get sneaky, and fuck all crazy while we could. I also packed toys, cuffs, and skimpy lingerie.
A guy’s dream right? Bringing home a girlfriend who is a respectable sweet adult to family, and a total whore in bed…but I digress.
They picked me up at the airport, and I got a huge hug from the collective family, threw my stuff in the trunk of the car and journeyed back to their home for dinner. When I was meeting the rest of the family in the house, his brother volunteered to get the luggage. He came in shortly after, bags in tow, beet red in the face and laughing then exclaimed
“Um… your bag is vibrating!”
My heart was in my throat, my mini bag of airplane Doritoes tossed in my stomach and it was my turn to be 30 shades of red. This was NOT the first or second impression I wanted to make nor was this the way I wanted to introduce what I did for a living. My brain scrambled for an excuse, but the bag was still vibrating. In fear of losing more battery power (even though they were rechargeable) I composed myself and calmly dove for my bag so I could find and shut whatever it was off.
Thing is, I could have SWORN I did the right thing. I ALWAYS store and travel with my toys correctly.
1. Take batteries out after each use and put in a makeup pouch, and keep it with my toy box. (saves money)
2. Wash toys with toy cleaner, a damp cloth or baby-wipe before and after each use.
3. Allow them to dry completely, then wrap them in an old T-shirt or in zip-top bags, separately.
4. Keep the glass in their protective pouches, and never let my other toys touch because they might bond together and get ruined.
5. Never use Silicone Lubricant with a Silicone Toy, and always use Water Based Lube if I need any at all.
6. Store my toys in a cool dark place just in case some of the materials sweat and melt.
7. Put corn starch on all cyberskin, vixenskyn, UR3 … and any other realistic material toys to keep them soft and rejuvinated. (not sticky or ruined).
8. Lastly, NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER travel with toys with the batteries in them. NEVER EVER!!!
I figure if professional Dominants, and other Sex Professionals travel every day with toys of their trade, so could I. That scanner at all the stations have seen it all, and worse. There shouldn’t be any embarrassment in a healthy sex life.
And, well, blame it on a guilty slutty conscience but the vibrating in my bag ended up being one of those vibrating shaving razor blades.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of that sooner (sarcasm). Good thing the joke was on my boyfriend’s brother, he really helped break the ice when they asked me what I did for a living and what my future plans were!
Lesson learned, I’d say. Happy Thanksgiving everyone; keep this in mind for xxxmas!!
Since I shared with you, Do you have any embarrassing “oh no they discovered I have sex toys!” stories?
<3 Jane
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