Why is it that I can’t find a member of the opposite sex that finds the same things funny as I do? Well to start out we all have to acknowledge that women just aren’t funny. Now I’m not talking about female comics; they’re funny. Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey and Sofia from Golden Girls can do no wrong in my book. And no I’m not talking about Janeane Garofalo, she’s sucks big time. I’m talking about the regular girls we meet at work and when we’re out. In my extensive research I’ve found 2 species of girls; first there’s the ones who aren’t funny at all and then there are the ones who on the surface seem funny but then you discover this doesn’t truly reflect their personality. Regarding the first group of women you can identify these subjects by their conversation cues. They will not try to make light of a common situation or event such as work that day or the weather. They will just talk about their life or random thoughts they have; not in joke form mind you but in regular sharing of information speak. I like this author sooo much We should get rid of the photography section there’s nothing but naked pictures in there and a lot of kids in here. It’s just not right you know. My boyfriend this, My boyfriend said that. Booooooo I hate being around all that (not the genius nickelodeon kids sketch comedy show but her talking) and your horrible opinions. The most interesting thing about any of that nonsense is that you actually have a boyfriend. How did that happen? Now the second group of funny women is classically defined by Webster’s dictionary as appearing to like guy orientated shows such as Family Guy, the Simpsons and South Park while at the same time making numerous call back and references to these shows in regular day life. These particular girls are the ones I’m most interesting in pontificating about.
Their outward appearance and temperament is very compatible with the male specie but in my experiments this is just a façade; which literally means false front. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to be able to talk about the ‘World of Warcraft’ or ‘Imagination Land’ episodes of South Park with them but I find there’s nothing underneath. I feel the theme of the show doesn’t ring true to them. We both as men and women enjoy the show but we aren’t enjoying the same things. I’ve boiled it down to I’m watching South Park for its political incorrect content and over the top humor while on the other hand these girls are just watching because their boyfriend is a fan and they need a common interest to feel connected with him. Furthermore their funniness of callbacks and slightly skewed jokes only goes skin deep and at times its basically just parroting my sense of humor.
If you’ve read this far, chances are you’re asking yourself how does one come to these mad conclusions? Well my dear Watson, I’VE ACTUALLY DONE MOTHERFUCKING EXPERIMENTS. At work when I know I’m going to be working with the prototypical guy’s girl I’ve thought to myself how can I test out my unproven theories? Well, I decided to not bring my usual funny at all. No call backs, no making fun of customers, no ‘hey did you see that episode of so in so’, no laughs, no nothing. It would just be her show entirely. Naturally I couldn’t set all this in motion without her being aware that something was up so I started off the night as usual. But then I set up a joke and then waited to see how long until it was said back to me. It didn’t take long at all. At that point the funny valve got turned off completely just to see if the funny could last without any cues from my deranged mind. Oh boy did that situation fail. We didn’t have any fun at work that night. And what was the x factor here? Me. I think the reason for this is that these girls just don’t live the life of a sarcastic mean spirited man who laughs at horrible things.
I enjoy laughing at the little ironic things that are part of our every day life on this stupid planet. I laugh at the local news all the time. I laugh at the founders of this country who wrote that all men are created equal yet owned slaves. I laugh at the movie ‘Lord of War’ and it’s portrayal of an African warlord’s son who carries around a gold AK47 and has a pet hyena on a leash. That’s funny to me. In family guy when Peter and Quagmire swear off women forever and then they flash forward to the future and Quagmire leaves to go have sex with a bagel. I laughed for 10 minutes straight at that joke. And my girlfriend at the time giggled but I knew she didn’t find it THAT funny. What an unfunny bitch.
Tags: broderick, comedy, women
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are you asking me if i want a boyfriend? because i do, i date brendan.
i think humor is a universal thing that is used to spread equal common ground between all people. i definitely don’t just use it to connect with guys. I also tried really hard not to parrot Carlo’s sense of humor and it happened anyway……..
That wasn’t directed at you (Lauren). I was simply saying that it sounds like he (Matthew Broderick) prefers males to females and decided that I could make a construnstructive suggestion.
Congrats on the boyfriend.
LOLWOMEN
CRALO IS JERICHO
This reminds me of the time I lied to a boy that I met at a carnival one time. He really liked cars, so I told him the I liked cars too, because I wanted him to like me. I soon realized that if a boy doesn’t like me for who I am, then he’s probably not worth liking.
- DJ Tanner
of course women are funny, there just as funny as men. This is a dumb conversation.
sorry Deana i misunderstood your comment and you go dj tanner!
Well Matt, I have one and only one suggestion for you in regards to this matter, Here it is…..you ready?………………………Go out one night and find a girl, any girl, any shape, any color, any size. In your case it doesnt even have to be a girl, but, when you find one and lose your virginity. Then, and only then, may this hostility towards women that you have, can subside. Give it a try….you might like it…..if not with a woman, read Maskim’s article on anal sex…..but for all our sakes just give it a try. Thanks for listening.
actually now that i think about it, i bet alot of chicks laughed at this. then they farted and said "eat my yeast infected cunt, u stiff." there are some damn twisted, funny chicks out there. chicks that would do shit that would make your jaw drop. you need to change your pool dude. go on a date with an opionated, smart, goth chick that most likely likes family guy, and who has most likely done way nastier things than use a cucummber on herself. ha ha bagels. i dont know if i got that joke so much either. i hope that means im still fuckable.
I really dislike this article, but your not 100% wrong Im sure they’re some women who fit this mold but not all. I dislike this article because I do not find it amusing. Matt you must remember that Funny is the objective, our goal is to make people laugh and never look back in anger. You soud like a fairly intelligent man, but you must think before you type. Next time you write please remember these two things. First like I said funny is the objective. Lastly the only time verbally abusing women is funny is when you do it with your fists.
I WIN.
I agree with Lauren. I’m just far too exhausted to be articulate about it.
Also. Nice one Phil.
this whole time, i really thought my dates enjoyed the post-modern classic, The Big Lebowski. Little did i know, she only wanted to admire the good looks of Steve Buschemi.
You’re a madman Broderick.
Running experiments at work… thats crazy talk. lol
_____________________________________________
It’s the claw…
what about Lesbians?
HOLY SHIT!!! I thought I was the only one who wanted a Gold AK47 and a hyena on a chain leash while driving around in a open top red cadillac with 2 hot african women dressed like Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders in the back.
Women are the same anywhere you go especially here…contact over.
Hey now…I think you guys are spending time with the wrong ladies!!!! Stop hangin out with Staten Island hoessssssss and maybe you’ll fidn an interesting funny girlllllll… women are not the same daveeeeeeee…..all butterflies are still butterflies..but when you look close mad different…..ta deee
Well Matthew, you hit a sore spot my friend. Because I am funny. And most of my friends are funny. I work for this web site don’t I? I don’t think that Carlo or Chris or Drew would let me work on it if I wasn’t. I don’t know how you thought that this ‘article’ of yours was funny enough to be posted like that. It should have been written in a blog along with more of your women bashing. For your information, my boyfriend and I find a lot of the same things funny. And I don’t watch South Park or Family Guy to find a common interest with him. I like the shows, they make me laugh. I find all of the little references they make out to be hilarious and catch them all. Maybe this ‘extensive research’ of yours should have been use on more real women and not some chicks you met at your local Staten Island dive bar. I agree with Eliza and think that you ALL are hanging out with the wrong girls. Women are not all the same guys. You just think that way because your small-minded brain doesn’t want to actually spend time getting to know women and are happy with whatever they portray themselves out to be. This isn’t true for all men though, and this comment I am posting isn’t to bash men. I agree that not all men are the same and you all need to understand that we aren’t all the same.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOL
CRALO IS JERICHO
sounds like you want a boyfriend.
check out the indian guy in ‘cougar controversy’ you might like what you see.