Dog and Pony Show

Koreans LOVE StarCraft!!!

Daye — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:00:31 +0000

First of all just the fact that there are comedians in Korea is astonishing. FACE!

In my younger years, while playing StarCraft, never once during a match did i imagine myself exploding with laughter as a comedian impersonated the game. My genuine reaction would be one of stunned silence. Why the hell is he talking about StarCraft? Oh wait. I’m in South Korea and for some fucked up reason StarCraft is the national sport…

Prepare to have your funny bone tickled….

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AM-DJ: Hippie Chicks and Hippocrates

chris — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:00:15 +0000

Whenever I hear todays AM-DJ track, I’m taken back to the moment when Preston Myers first laid eyes on Amanda Beckett.. They were both eating strawberry pop-tarts and it was the beginning of something beautiful.

The song I’m referring to in that reach of a Can’t Hardly Wait reference, is “Walking On The Sun” by Smash Mouth off of the album ‘Fush You Mang’ which is actually a really good pop-punk album, don’t believe me… go listen to it yourself.

So, take a load off and check out some 90s <33 this morning.

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Good Night Sweet Prince: Corey Haim (1971 – 2010)

chris — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:57:01 +0000

Canadian. Teen Idol. Legend.

Best known for starring in films like Lucas, Murphy’s Romance, The Lost Boys, License to Drive and Dream a Little Dream, Haim skyrocketed to success as one of “The Two Coreys.” Not ironically he later starred in a reality show of that very name with fellow Corey, Corey Feldman. According to TMZ Feldman was found dead of an apparent overdose early this morning.

Actor Corey Haim died this morning of an apparent overdose — possibly accidental — according to LAPD. He was 38. Police tell us they were called to St. Joseph’s hospital in Burbank, CA shortly before 4AM PT to investigate. (Via TMZ.coM)

This is indeed a sad day. At least we still have Wesley Snipes.

“What was that? A little vampire humor? Well, it wasn’t funny!”

Here’s a stalkery fan video of Haim, because dust in the wind just isn’t appropriate here:

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Daily Awesomeness: Fireworks Factory Explodes.

chris — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:30:23 +0000

Ever wonder what it would look like if a fireworks factory exploded? Check it out here…

Like the guy in the video said “It’s like a tiger”.. yeah, exactly like a tiger.

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Superman Ring Selling Big On Ebay

MightyVin — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:17:51 +0000

A vintage Superman ring, a promo from DC Comics via the 1940s, is currently up for sale on Ebay and has, so far, garnered bids upwards of $4000.

According to the seller:

This is a very rare first-ever Superman Premium Ring released to the public by DC Comics in the 1940’s. It is a silver metal ring with a brass Superman in the center, surrounded by the brass inscription “Supermen of America Member” on a red painted background. One side of the ring has two lightening bolts, and the other side has a planet.

How much would YOU pay for a vintage Superman ring?

Buy it here.

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Contextual Ads RUIN the Rickroll.

Carlo — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:00:00 +0000

Because I’m a fucking herb with no life, I was YouTubing “MW2 Glitches” (not because I do them, but I just find hacking and abusing flaws to be interesting) and I found this video for an Unlimited Predator Missile Glitch. (For the 12 of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, trust me and keep reading. It’ll broaden very shortly.)

Now aside from this being one of the most genius rickrolls I’ve come across (it’s perfectly executed in the style of these “glitch videos”), it’s also very telling of the state of internet tomfoolery.

Now what I’m talking about probably wont happen in this embedded version, but look at this screen cap from the youtube page:

ummmm way to be a rickroll block Youtube. At least put the ad AFTER the punchline. GEEZ.

But seriously, this sucks. Like when all your prank call targets got Caller ID, except there is no *82 to go private.

Link shorteners can help you when the URL is too descriptive. for example: “http://www.slutload.com/watch/6pxctFmOxaB/Horny-slut-kept-moaning-during-a-hot-fuck-Asian-sex-video.html” turns into “http://bit.ly/apCPtv” SWEET!!!

Well, not really. The “Anti-Goatse Bill” was passed.

Chapter 110 of title 18, United States Code, is amended by inserting after section 2252B the following: (a) Whoever knowingly uses a misleading domain name on the Internet with the intent to deceive a person into viewing material constituting obscenity shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 2 years, or both.

(b) Whoever knowingly uses a misleading domain name on the Internet with the intent to deceive a minor into viewing material that is harmful to minors on the Internet shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 4 years, or both.

(c) For the purposes of this section, a domain name that includes a word or words to indicate the sexual content of the site, such as “sex” or “porn”, is not misleading.

(d) For the purposes of this section, the term “material that is harmful to minors” means any communication, consisting of nudity, sex, or excretion, that, taken as a whole and with reference to its context— (1) predominantly appeals to a prurient interest of minors; (2) is patently offensive to prevailing standards in the adult community as a whole with respect to what is suitable material for minors; and (3) lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value for minors.

ZIS IZ BOOSHIT!!!!!

So technically, a Rickroll is still legal, but is getting fucked by greedy record companies/youtube. But that URL shortener example is illegal, hence I did not link to it, lest I be thrown into jail where I would end up like the asian chick in that video I did not link too. (See how the system works?)

So what the hell am I trying to say? Well it’s simple, the internet is srs bsns and you shouldn’t fuck around on it.

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A New Tron Legacy Trailer is OUT!!

Daye — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:59:10 +0000

Prepare your eyes for TRROOOOON!!

Fresh off his Oscar win for ‘Crazy Heart’ Jeff Bridges is back in glorious IMAX 3D bitches!

SHHHHHH. He’s sleeping:

I already have my tickets. DO YOU?

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Carlo’s Cute and Cuddly Critters: Sleepy Kitten

Carlo — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:00:28 +0000

Kristin and I just spent about 20 minutes browsing Cute Things Falling Asleep and found the cutest video. So cute infact, we almost committed group suicide to cope with it. #RealTalk

DID YOU GUIZE SEE THAT KITTEN FALL OFF THE COUCH! OMG.

Now I gotta be honest, the person in the video is kinda creepy, but I have to let it pass, cuz I’m a big weirdo when I’m in front of cute animals too.

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Average DAPS Reader: Final Fantasy 13

Carlo — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:15:09 +0000

I’m not really a huge gamer. But I love, love, loved Final Fantasy 7. Although the games that followed it were “good”, I really couldn’t get into them. I spent about 400 hours playing FF7, and about 15 playing 8 – 10. With that said, Final Fantasy 13 is officially out today and people are losing their shit.

Now I play a lot of COD:MW2, like an upsetting amount, but I know these FF nerds are gonna completely waste their lives on this game. I was there, I know, it’s ugly.

Bathing becomes needless, as you aren’t leaving the house. Your parents only hear from you when you yell to bring your dinner into the basement because you swear the part your up to is important and you can’t pause it (really just a cut scene). Your friends will be supportive for the first week, but then begin wondering if you’ve become a complete shut in. Your voice will strain from atrophy and your skin will get greasy as shit. And when it’s all said and done, your mind will be blown by how amazing the story is and how the gameplay really made you feel as if you were in the game (when really you are spending 65% of your time leveling up in those woods where the crazy plant monster is INSANE XP BRO). Let’s face it. You have a problem.

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Can you guess her, um, muff?

chris — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:35:44 +0000

I received a rouge IM the other night. It was unexpected, and included a single link to a blogspot url. That url?

http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/

let me repeat that for you

http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/

Now, I know what you’re thinking.. “Is he posting porn?!?” Yeah, well, it is sort of porn. But i’m not posting it because i want you to go get your jollies off, so please leave your jollies in for the duration of this post. If you’re not thinking that, you probably don’t realize that “muff” is a slang term for VAGINA.

You see, the concept behind Guesshermuff.blogspot.com is a simple one, GHM as i’ll refer to it from here on out, shows a photo of a young lady daily and asks the age old question…

Do you think you can guess how a babe keeps her muff based on how she dresses? Does your co-worker’s carpet match the drapes? Is that geeky girl in your class secretly a sex kitten who shaves it bald?

What happens is, you’ll see a photo like this one:

Then underneath the photo, GHM reveals the answer through the click of a “See the Answer [Here <--NSFW]” link.

Now, this site raises a very interesting question.. Where the hell are they getting all of the photos? It’s been speculated that the ladies come exclusively from Eastern Europe. It must be considered that the photos were all stolen because this notice is carefully hidden at the bottom of the page..

To Request an Image Removal, Please Leave a Clear Message Stating the Reason of the Request In the Comment Section of the Post and the Image(s) Will Be Removed Within 12 Hours.

It’s also entirely possible that the ladies donated their images to science (well, the science to determining muff-ness) The truth is, we may never know.

GYM simply put a game out there that men have been playing since the dawn of time clothing, they simply provided the one thing that the game always lacked.. an answer. But, if you’re anything like me, and you’ve never played this game in real life.. brand new doors will open up to you.., all of a sudden lines at the post office and DMV will be magical, in short you’ll see the universe in a totally different way!

Lunchlady? Landing Strip.

Crossing guard? Bush

Michelle Obama? You get the point..

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AM-DJ: Midget. Necklace.

chris — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:00:21 +0000

Rise and Shine Campers!

This morning we’ve got a Ludacris JAM for you to butter toast to (Sexual Euphemism?) No better way to start your day than a “baby” version of Ludacris with a large afro… amirite?

This track from Chicken and Beer features some chick named Shawnna that nobody cares about now. Sorry Shawnna!

Hey DJ, bring that back!

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Daily Awsomeness: Why Matt Forderer is more awesome than you.

chris — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 00:58:16 +0000

There are few things in life that embody Awesomeness more than a Rooster contemplating a grilled cheese sandwich. To learn more about this MASTERPIECE. Check out the artist (Matt Forderer’s) official website.

Our friend @porknbomb passed this our way, thanks for being awesome p&B!

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No Context: Drug Scene from “The Room”

MightyVin — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:04:53 +0000

The following is a scene from The Room (named ‘The worst film ever’ by EVERYONE) taken completely out of context.

All the info you get is that it is about drugs.

If you’ve never seen The Room, have fun figuring out what the deal is with that weird foreign guy at the end.

Random

Carlo’s Cute and Cuddly Critters: OMFG CUTEST CAT EVAR

Carlo — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:00:04 +0000

As you probably know by now, the only thing that makes me mildly enjoy life is a cute animal. I mean I just want to hug then and squeeze them till they die from over-love. This adorable kitten is no exception.

ARRRRGHHH I wanna rage out over how cute this guy is!

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Christoph Waltz’s greatest work to date UPDATED

Carlo — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 18:16:58 +0000

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I know he won for acting in some movie about Nazi’s or whatever, but Jimmy Kimmel, as bad as he can be, has moments of glory. Like this:

Nothing makes me smile more than actors willing to have fun doing zany shit like this. I mean, fuck Meryl Streep or whoever. Actors do work, ANY work that comes along. Poser motherfuckers “carefully select roles.”

UPDATE via @liver_alone:

you can see the original video here: http://trololololololololololo.com/

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Average DAPS Reader: Watchin’ the Oscars

Carlo — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:57:47 +0000

I don’t really watch movies. Well that’s not true, I do watch movies, just not when Hollywood tells me too. I have Netflix bitches, eat dick.

Last night I was watching the Oscars for the first time in like 17 years, seriously. Why did I watch this year? Twitter of course! I didn’t want to be left out of all the fun commentary!!!

I mean, I could care less about any of these highfalutin assmunches, unless I can make fun of their outfits/demeanor on Twitter to impress my friends with my wit. amirite?

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So-Called “Scientists” Conclude Dinosaurs Killed by Asteroid.

Daye — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:00:04 +0000

So, over the weekend, USA today reported the following: Scientists conclude asteroid, not volcanoes, wiped out dinosaurs.

An international team Thursday concluded that it was an asteroid, not volcanoes, that wiped out dinosaurs 65.5 million years ago.

False! Hahahah silly Scientists. We have photographic evidence that proves Jesus our lord and savior, amen, rode Dinosaurs to and from work.

Proof:

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Jersey Shore Presents: The Hurt Locker

chris — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:30:30 +0000

If you’re anything like me, you haven’t seen the 2010 Academy Award winner for Best Picture, The Hurt Locker. Surely there will be a lot of water cooler chatter about the movie that had Kathryn Bigelow double fisting oscar statues.

Thankfully George Lopez had the Jersey Shore cast re-enact some of this year’s nominated films so that we (the world) could all be on the same page. This beauty is what James Cameron sees when he thinks of The Hurt Locker, and trust me… It’s EXACTLY as funny as it sounds.

That should pretty much fill you in on THU, I mean you get the gist right? good.

Thanks to our friend Craig for tweeting this at us (albeit a couple of weeks late)

For more Jersey Shore parodies of this year’s Oscar nominees click here, but why would you?

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AM-DJ: Quit Work, Go Surf.

chris — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:55 +0000

I personally remember this track from the 1986 Disney film Flight of the Navigator, a time traveling spaceship adventure with creatures which I strongly recommend. It also was featured in films Three Kings and Look Who’s Talking.

Yup, you guessed it. Todays AM-DJ track is “I Get Around” by The Beach Boys. It’s a perfect Monday morning track, so turn the speakers up full blast, let your hair down, quit your job and go surfing!

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WE HATE THE 2000s!: 2008

Lauren — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:00:07 +0000

Well kids, we’ve made it through the past few weeks and we are down to two more weeks of WE HATE THE 2000s! Read on to see what really sucked about 2008.

MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

The Happening. Stupid, Stupid M. Night Shyamalan. The trees/ plants are trying to kill humanity?!?! W.T.Fuck. How is that a twist ending?? You know we have pesticides and have the ability to light whole forests on fire right?? Here’s how to make the movie infinity better: So the trees make some people go crazy… how about having the US Army using flame throwers burn all the forests? Movie over. Credits.

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

The Detroit Lions lost every game of the season going 0-16 and Tim “The Toolman” Taylor drinks himself to death.

Conversely, the New England Patriots go undefeated all the way to the Super Bowl only to lose to the New York Giants. And their wide receiver Plaxico Burress shoots himself in the leg with his handgun in a club. Meanwhile, in the boxing world, Oscar De La Hoya loses to Manny Pacquiao when he fails to come out of his corner for the 9th round, Mexicans everywhere become severely depressed and for 3 weeks lawns all over the U.S. are neglected and destroyed.

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

In 2008, Taser unveiled and released their combination taser/mp3 player. It was first showcased at CES 2008, complete with its leopard-print case. You know how we keep knocking hybrid technology of the previous decade? This here is the icing on the cake that is shitty hybrid technology. Scenario: you’re in a poorly lit park at 2am walking home alone. Are you going to be paying attention to a sketchy situation where you may want to have a taser handy, or blasting Lady Gaga? If you answered with the latter, good luck being prepared for an oncoming assailant! However, blasting Metallica while tasing some unsuspecting mugger might be worth it. Seriously, if there were two products I’d never combine, it’s a taser and a fucking mp3 player. I suppose next we’ll see a handgun with a movie player on top. Now police officers everywhere can watch Rush Hour to keep their spirits up during a firefight with drug dealers! Oh, that Chris Tucker.

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

Guitar Hero: Aerosmith (PS3, Xbox360, Wii) - 1. I hate Guitar Hero, I have never like Guitar Hero. 2. Aerosmith SUCKS, and are overrated and suck and are old and I hate hate hate them… sorry that review was completely personal, I just do not like them and hate the fact that shit bands are getting their own game (::cough cough:: Metallica ::cough cough:: Van Halen).

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)

This is me when I think of 2008 on the internet.

Either way, 2008 was pretty frickin lame. I mean there was hardly anything to poke fun at, or even really worth mentioning. Well, there was the Montauk Monster and this guy decided to make some literal music videos. Oh, and a low point for memes across the world, moot (founder of 4chan.org) announced that weegee was his favorite meme at the 2008 ROFLCON.

ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

In 2008, Ringo Starr (of Pete Best fame) posted a video on Youtube stating that he will no longer be accepting fan mail. Good. Who the fuck needs you anyway? The nerve to simply assume that we all want to drop what we’re doing and write you and your big nose letters. It’s not like you were in some big rock and roll band. You were in the Peter Sellers’ film “The Magic Christian,” big fucking whoop.

POP (contributed by Lauren)

I am a HUGE Guns ‘N Roses fan and I was very excited when Velvet Revolver, members of the original G ‘n R group like Slash and Duff, announced that Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots was going to join the group and be the lead singer. It lasted how many months? Because in 2008, Weiland left the band and announced that he will return to singing with STP. Reports stated that there was a lot of tension between Weiland and the other members of Velvet Revolver.

In other news, Guns ‘N Roses released their first single in 9 years, the title track from their Chinese Democracy album. You can read my review on this crappy album here. (BTW, Slash and Duff are NOT in this bad, just Axl)

If you have been reading this wonderful series, you know how much I HATE Mariah Carey. Well, in 2008, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa made April 15th, Mariah Carey Day in Los Angeles, California. Go F**K yourself Mayor. You too Mariah.

HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)

I had a long and tawdry list of hip hop song to choose from for this year. Thank you 2008 for being as memorable as 2007 with beats that where far superior than the verbiage that accompanied them.

RON BROWZ – Pop Champagne or AUTOTUNE, as most like to call it, was a massive hit. every bar I went to would go crazy when this tune came on. I never saw anyone in the bar pop champagne, but I did see saw watered down cranberry vodkas, Coors light, and guy’s doing Jager Bombs.

SOULJA BOY- Turn my swag on (is there a button of switch for “swag”? idk…) what I do know is tweens everywhere love to turn there “swag” on. Don’t we all want to hop out of bed, turn our swag on, take a look in the mirror, and say “what’s up? Yeah, I’m getting money”, oh….. UMMM MAYBE !!!!!

USHER, FEATURING YOUNG JEEZY -”Love in This Club” deals with the problem every man faces once in his life. Meeting a large group of mediocre looking women in the bathroom and having to get drunk enough to magically transform them into supermodels. TRUST – it’s not as glamorous as Usher & Jeezy make it out to be. It’s a cheap novelty made only to be enjoyed at a dirty watering hole.

TV (contributed by Chris)

2008 brought us more terrible celebrity based reality shows that give the decent reality television I enjoy a terrible, terrible name. Take “Living Lohan” for example; This was a program which followed around Lindsay Lohan’s family during their day-to-day lives. UGHHHHH.

Then there was “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated“ (which was created by Ryan Seacrest) First, I need to point out how stupid it is to have a reference to Facebook’s relationship status in your show’s title. (What’s worse is that i know the genius who thought that up was REALLY proud of it.. asshole) Anyway, DR:IC’s sole purpose was to follow around Denise Richards and her daughters around in THEIR day-to-day lives.

I don’t know what I’m more aggravated with.. the fact that television producers thought these we’re good concepts or the fact that I know that there were people who watched…

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

One of the solutions to the 2002 recession, the growing real estate market, turned out to be a catalyst for the second recession. But the economic flu of 2002 looked mild compared to the death knell of the late 00’s. In September of that year, one the titans of the banking industry, Lehman Brothers, filed for bankruptcy. Later that month, the stock market its largest single day loss in history. Everything is pretty much back to normal now, besides that pesky problem of jobs. Like the government said, they’re working on it. That’s good, because nobody else is working these days.

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Carlo’s Cute and Cuddly Critters: Some kinda cute fish???

Carlo — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:00:18 +0000

Now I’m a little on the fence about fish being cute. But I gotta admit, today’s critter is up there on the cute factor, so much so, that it makes up for the fact that a fish cannot be cuddly. I mean, if you cuddle with a fish, you’ll probably kill it.

OMG it’s smiling!!! AND IT HAS A SPIKEY HAIRCUT! I can’t, I CAN NOT. This fish is probably the only cute fish ever. (Nemo isn’t cute, it’s a striped goldfish.)

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Jay Leno Kicking Ass?

MightyVin — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:53:31 +0000

Well, kinda.

As bad as this clip of him and Pat Morita in the 80’s buddy-cop film “Collision Course” is, it’s too awesome to pass up.

It has 80’s cheese written all over it: The bad outfits, the bad Leno jokes, Pat Morita, and a cheap action montage set to bad new wave.

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A Real Life Cartoon: A Goofy Movie

Daye — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:30:18 +0000

How did Youtube user Ted Sowards create this video?

wowowoowow.

Check out the special effects too. They look pretty good:

WATCH IT!!

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Average DAPS Reader: American Apparel

Carlo — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:00:27 +0000

So it seems like American Apparel’s Sexy Butt contest has come down to 3 asses. OH-MAHGAHD these are some fine asses.

I legit got a half-stock reading about this. My vote is for Ass #1 as I can see a bit of her sexy, sexy cooter in the shot. #2 is a fat ass booty and I want to bite it. #3 is tight, but mami (I am assuming she is a boricua) needs to invest in a wetter webcam.

ANYWAY… is anyone going to shop at American Apparel because of this campaign? God I hope not. I walked into one a few times and always leave feeling dirty. Really shitty clothes (think Old Navy Quality… BUT WORSE) that “look cool” kinda, that is priced like some shit that you’d expect to be able to wear more than 6 times. AMIRITE?

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Things Mike Shane Watched on YouTube Instead of Sleeping

Carlo — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:00:06 +0000

The other night, just about an hour before we started to party w/ Andrew WK, super photographer, and good friend Mike Shane regaled me with tales of his YouTube viewing habits, and thus, a segment (is that what these things are called, I mean is there an blog version of this idea?) was born.

EPISODE 1 – HUMANS vs TASERS

I gotta be honest, nothing makes me more outraged then cops who taze people. I mean, it’s ~~often~~ an abuse of power against an individual who is merely defending their own constitutional right. (I have actually read the constitution, have you?) BUT there are also citizens who deserve this restraint and I understand the evil (I GUESS). Luckily, a LOT of people are morons, so they taze each other too.

LOLOL Worst Co-Worker ever.

Commence Taser Porn NAO.

This shit outrages me. 187 mothafucka.

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ARRRRGHGHHHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHHGHG

Okay, let’s have some more fun…

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Here are a pair of vids from a YouTube user who are too fucking cool to allow me to embed the vids. Male Taser Chain, Female Taser Chain.

ELMO NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Now for a bunch of Cops/Military Tasing each other.

Does anyone else get the feeling that the police are just a big frat party with guns? Yeah me too. BEWARE THE POLICE STATE. Okay, sorry.

And finally, Chewbacca Auditions: