Chains of Love
A woman handcuffs herself to her husband. For her next trick, she’ll make her chances of staying out of prison disappear.
So this crazy bitch from Connecticut, Helen Sun, handcuffs her 37 year old about to be divorced ass to her husband, Robert Drawbaugh, while he lay in bed asleep. Changes the bedroom lock too. All this so she can get some face time with him and maybe reconcile their differences. Homie wakes up in a rage, picks up the phone and dials 911. She don’t like this too much so she starts chomping on him like he’s a chimichanga.
If You Haven’t Seen It, It’s New To You
Chris Lyddy of the Fairfield Police Department claims, “I can’t say I’ve ever seen a scenario quite like this.” I imagine Mr. Lyddy has never seen Hannah Montana, I Love Lucy, Full House, Lost or countless other sitcoms either then. If he had, then this would seem very familiar – this is standard sitcom plot. You take two people who never get along or at least not at that particular moment and toss in an irresponsible third party who happened upon their relatives police/magic handcuffs. Oh and the key always gets lost or the trick always gets forgotten. Hilarity ensues and in the end, they always work it out.
I’d bet my bottom dollar that’s where Ms. Sun came up with this crackerjack plan, well at least part of it. Another integral part to her impeccable scheme had to have been those raunchy women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan and Cosmo Girl and Highlights. Of course the articles in them and the advice they dole out should be taken with a grain of salt, but Ms. Sun prefers to save that salt to season her husband’s arm and torso (10 WAYS TO SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE!).
She Has a History of Violins
Just kidding, she has a history of acoustic guitars. Apparently this is not an isolated incident – she has attacked him prior by pushing him down the stairs and breaking an acoustic guitar over his head Jeff Jarrett style. Yikes … I feel bad for this guy, but I also feel bad for her. She’s a victim too – of modern media and popular culture but also something far more reaching … something that affects us all. To-Do Lists. We all make them but there’s a kind of self fulfilling prophecy that you’ll never accomplish everything (or sometimes anything) that you write on a To-Do List. Helen Sun is no different – had she completed her list maybe she would’ve had enough time to change her hubby’s mind. Instead she’s sitting somewhere right now in handcuffs, knee-deep in irony.
To Do List:
- Purchase new door locks
- Purchase handcuffs
- Install door locks
- Steal Rob’s cell phone
- Stop divorce
- If all hell breaks loose, use teeth
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