I can remember very fond memories from my childhood of waking up early on a Saturday morning to watch cartoons. One of the main selling points of a great Saturday morning was the choice of kid-marketed cereals.
There were literally hundreds to choose from; all probably terrible in terms of healthiness. But at the end of the day, they were all too good to pass up. Especially in the 90’s. This was the era that saw the re-birth of the blatant novelty cereals.
There were two main kinds: cereals that took non-cereal treats and cerealized them(Reeses cereal, Oreo cereal, Smores cereal) and the return of the cartoon tie-in cereal(Spiderman cereal, X-Men cereal, Super Mario cereal).
My point is that I want you all to look back and think about how cereal used to be. Pretty fucking great, right? Now look at what cereal has become. It’s all Honey Bunches of Oats and Total. There’s no emphasis on actually making breakfast an experience anymore.
The big food companies have done more in the past few years to suck the fun out of cereal than in any other time in history. First they get rid of Ecto-Cooler, then Cinnamon Sun Chips, now breakfast cereal.
I take solace in knowing that I was able to be alive when all three were still around.
Make this viral and you get 1,000,000 internet dollars.
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Vin, you forgot about the Ninja Turtles cereal, best stuff ever. I wish they still made it.
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It’s the claw…
Oh, remember the seasonal “Christmas Capt’n Crunch”? It had Christmas shaped crunch berries and came with this frosting that you could put on the cereal. Ah, good times.
What about the toys? No more toys in the cereal. "Send in 3 UPCs with $4.95 shipping and handling" I DONT THINK SO ASSHOLE! … and what’s the deal with Robert Downey Jr? I mean I’ve never heard of his dad. I think he can drop the Jr and remain just as unsuccessful.
I remember that Chex once put a computer game that used the DOOM game engine in their cereal boxes as a prize. It was exactly like DOOM or Wolfenstein…only with some character called “Chexman”.