The Megaplex

The Megaplex: Dark Shadows

Posted by on 5/11/12 at 2:30 pm

Last weekend at the Megaplex was AMAZING & RECORD BREAKING!!! I personally think this weekend is going to be amazing as well, but I will admit upfront, I have major biases. With that being said, many people will probably go see this weekend’s offering, but expect the Avengers to once again have WORLD DOMINATION.

Dark Shadows is a gothic horror comedy film based on the 1966–1971 gothic horror soap opera of the same name. The film is directed by Tim Burton and stars Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins, a 200-year-old vampire. It also stars Eva Green (Titties), Michelle Pfeiffer, Chloe Mortez, Helena Bonham Carter (DUH) and Jackie Earle Haley to name a few.

The plot starts out in 1752, when Joshua and Naomi Collins sail from Liverpool, England to North America. Their son, Barnabas, grows up to be a wealthy playboy in Collinsport, Maine and is the master of Collinwood Manor. He breaks the heart of a witch, Angelique Bouchard, who kills his parents, curses his family including all his lovers, leaping to their deaths from a nearby cliff and finally turns Barnabas into a vampire and buries him alive in a chained-coffin in the woods. 200 years later in 1972, Barnabas is accidentally freed from his coffin by a group of construction workers, sucks them dry of their blood and makes his way back to Collinwood Manor where he finds his once-magnificent mansion in ruin. The manor is currently occupied by Barnabas’ dysfunctional descendants. Barnabas decides to restore his family name, but when Angelique discovers that he has escaped his shallow grave she plots revenge and tries to win him back.

I have been highly anticipating this movie from the moment I heard about its development. When they finally released footage, I was jumping for joy. I didn’t know what to expect, so it made me pumped. It’s amazing that this has been adapted from a Soap Opera, as it’s obviously not of my time, but I can’t imagine it was crap like today’s daytime bullshit. Anyways, Tim Burton is once again working with his go to guy, Johnny Depp. Not only do I LOVE Burton, Depp is my favorite actor to walk on this planet. Right there and then, this is a must see for me, which is where my bias comes in. Hollywood is once again capitalizing on the vampire craze, but this time, they have brought us a film that is for guys too. It’s going to have horror, comedy, sex, etc., which is an overall great combination of entertainment. Johnny Depp is amazing in anything he does in my eyes, but playing a vampire is right up his ally. The rest of this cast is AWESOME as well, especially the young and talented Mortez, and the extremely sexy Eva Green. How can I forget Burton’s girl toy, Helena! Also, look out for some GREAT cameos.

Some people are saying that Burton has lost his touch, but I think they are nuts. He may stick to what he does best, but why fix something if it ain’t broken. He is the MAN, and Depp is the MAN, so that is enough said! Go See This Movie!!!!!!!

R.I.P Jonathan Frid

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The Megaplex: The Avengers.

Posted by on 5/4/12 at 3:30 pm

IT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED. A FANBOYS WET-DREAM, MY WET-DREAM!!! THE BIGGEST MOVIE EVENT OF ALL TIME!!! AHHHHH GET PUMPED!!!

Now sit back, relax, ASSEMBLE, and read what the hell I have to say about THE AVENGERS.

THE AVENGERS is the sixth installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The film was scripted and directed by Joss Whedon and features an ensemble cast that includes Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, and Samuel L. Jackson. The basics of The Avengers for all of you who have been living under a rock is that, Nick Fury, director of the peacekeeping organization S.H.I.E.L.D., recruits Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America to form a team that must stop Thor’s brother Loki from enslaving the human race.

What Marvel has pulled off here is pure genius, which many thought was impossible. They have strategically structured a movie universe to all align, which is what made The Avengers possible. It all started with the success of Iron Man way back in 2008. That after the credit scene which had Nick Fury, played by Samuel L. Jackson, come visit Tony Stark, had fanboys, like myself, GOING NUTS. Ever since then, The Avengers was born, starting with the reboot of the Incredible Hulk, which Ed Norton is actually the only non original actor to be in The Avengers because he is a douche, but I personally think Ruffalo is the best, then Iron Man 2, followed by Thor, and finally Captain America: The First Avenger, which ended right where The Avengers begins!!!

Joss Whedon, is finally going to get the BIG HOLLYWOOD credit he deserves as he hasn’t seen stardom success since his days of Buffy on TV. I am a huge fan, and we are only going to see more pure AWESOMENESS to come from him. He was legit the perfect and only person to have brought this whole thing to life at its core.

In a nut shell, this is the greatest comic book film of all-time in my eyes. I even like it better than The Dark Knight, and think it will be better than The Dark Knight Rises. I know that is a bold statement, but only time will tell.

This film has EVERYTHING you could ask for, and the star power of having all these amazing actors on one screen at the same time is remarkable. Who is your favorite Avenger? Anyways, assemble your friends, and go see this in IMAX 3D RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

PS…MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!!

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The Megaplex: Think Like a Man and The Lucky One

Posted by on 4/20/12 at 4:30 pm

Here’s whats opening this week.

Think Like a Man looks quite frankly, HORRIBLE. I want to punch myself in the face right now for even telling you about it. It’s a shitty comedy about four friends who conspire to turn the tables on their women when they discover the ladies have been using Steve Harvey’s relationship advice against them. All I have to say is Jerry Ferrara aka Turtle to you all looks completely out-of-place and I will leave it at that.

The Lucky One is the film adaptation of Nicholas Sparks novel of the same name. The film stars Zac Efron, who I would give anything to be as I have said to you all numerous times. However this is yet another Nicholas Sparks romance that the guy just seems to continuously be pulling out of his ass. Maybe I would like to be him instead? Anyways, it tells the story of a Marine who travels to North Carolina after serving three tours in Iraq and searches for the unknown woman he believes was his good luck charm during the war. I mean, the plot I guess is original? But it is still an outrageous unbelievable love story. Efron can pull this off in my opinion, but that is about it. All I can say is, if you have a girl, she is probably going to want to go see this, and I am sure you can get her to repay you in so manner!

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The Megaplex: American Reunion.

Posted by on 4/6/12 at 1:30 pm

This weekend at the Megaplex is a fuckin awesome blast from the past.

American Reunion doesn’t really need much explanation. It’s exactly what you are thinking, and better yet, unlike all those American Pie Direct-to-DVD movies, this has all the original American Pie cast! It’s the eighth installment in the American Pie film series and the fourth in the original series. All your favorites from the class of 1999 return to East Great Falls for their high school reunion.

This film is right up all of DAPS’ readers alley, and you really should check it out. The nostalgia is splooging all over the place, especially for me, as this was probably one of the first R-rated films I felt badass watching, way back when because my friends and I had to sneak to see it!

The American Pie series is everything a male could ask for. SEX, NUDITY, BOOZE, NUDITY, DRUGS, NUDITY, CURSING, NUDITY, PARTYING, did I say NUDITY? Anyways, if you’re a fan of the series, you are for sure going to love this one because we have the great original cast, and even though they may have grown up, they are still doing the same old shenanigans, just like we are!

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The Megaplex: Mirror Mirror and Wrath of the Titans.

Posted by on 3/30/12 at 4:30 pm

Last weekend at the Megaplex was ALL ABOUT THE HUNGER GAMES, and so will this weekend, but I will tell you what new flicks are coming your way anyways.

Mirror Mirror is the first of the two Snow White adaptations being made this year, with the other being Snow White and the Huntsman (the superior looking one by far). It’s directed by Tarsem Singh and stars Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane, and Sean Bean. On paper, this cast looks impressive, but I don’t buy Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen. I however find Lily Collins sexy as hell, and love her as Snow White, which I feel is the only thing that looks better about this adaptation versus Kristen Stewart’s.

The plot of this one is the closer of the two, to the story we all know and love, however, besides some stunning visuals, this looks rather stupid, and that is coming from some who normally eats this shit up. Wait for June 1, 2012, and just go see Snow White and the Huntsman, because that looks absolutely bad-ass!

Wrath of the Titans is the sequel to the 2010 film Clash of the Titans. The film stars Sam Worthington, Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson, Danny Huston, Édgar Ramírez, Bill Nighy, Toby Kebbell, and Rosamund Pike with Jonathan Liebesman in the director’s chair. So, this time around Perseus braves the treacherous underworld to rescue his father, Zeus, captured by his son, Ares, and Brother Hades who unleash the ancient Titans upon the world. Many people hated the first film, as did Sam Worthington himself, but it still made a butt-load of money, hence the sequel.

Personally, I am a fan of Greek mythology, so there was always an underlining interest for me, but I can admit that is wasn’t very good. They promised to make a bigger and better film this time around, but I am not sure if they did. There are just too many good films on the horizon, which will leave this in the dust. Watch at your own risk, but you should know what you are getting yourself into for the most part.

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The Megaplex: HUNGER GAMES!!

Posted by on 3/23/12 at 3:30 pm

THIS WEEKEND AT THE MEGAPLEX IS GOING TO BE HUGE. IT ACTUALLY ALREADY IS HUGE. Just like last weekend with 21 Jump Street, there is clearly only one movie for you all to see, and it also just so happens to be one of my most highly anticipated films of the year.

The Hunger Games is a science fiction action-drama (right there you should already have a boner) directed by Gary Ross and based on the WORLDWIDE BESTSELLING novel of the same name by Suzanne Collins. It stars Jennifer Lawrence (OMG, I want to be inside her), Josh Hutcherson (Will finally be a household name), Elizabeth Banks (Yum), Liam Hemsworth (Thor’s lil bro), and Woody Harrelson (Hell Yea). So yea, the cast is pretty awesome. Some fans at first were a little skeptical of some of the producer’s picks, especially Jennifer Lawrence as the beloved Katniss, but no one is complaining anymore. I mean I don’t know how anyone can complain looking at her on-screen for 2.5 hours; she is just that FUCKIN’ SEXY.

Some people say the plot is unoriginal, and it’s been done before, but I still think it’s awesome and original in its own right. The basics of the plot are it’s set in a future where people are distinguished by “class” and every year the Capitol selects a boy and girl from the twelve different districts to fight to the death on live television for everyone to see to set an example to remind them all “who is in charge”. The story’s main protagonist, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to take her younger sister’s place when she is selected to take part in the Hunger Games on her first year of availability. I will leave you at that…

There is no doubt in my mind that this movie is going to break records, and it’s going to give the likes of Twilight and Harry Potter a run for their money. This is the first HUGE book series to come to the big screen after them. You all know I am an ENORMOUS Potter fan, but the Hunger Games is a force to be reckon with, and I feel has the broadest appeal out of them all, with a crazy fan base to add-on top of that.

Now that you are finished reading this, get your ass to the Megaplex and see this fuckin shit RIGHT NOW, especially in IMAX, because you won’t regret it. It’s already getting rave reviews, and some are saying it is even better than the book, which is something you NEVER hear! If you don’t already know, this is the first of a trilogy, so there is going to be more awesomeness where this came from! If you are so eager after seeing thing film, maybe you could pick up a book and read. I know that sounds crazy, but try it sometime!

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The Megaplex: 21 Jump Street

Posted by on 3/16/12 at 5:00 pm

THIS WEEKEND AT THE MEGAPLEX IS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! There is clearly only one movie for you all to see, and it’s right up DAPS’ alley, and just so happens to be one of my most highly anticipated films of the year.

Now sit back, relax, and read what the hell I have to say about 21 Jump Street.

21 Jump Street is an action comedy film based on the TV series of the same name by Stephen J. Cannell. The film is written by Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall and directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller (“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”). Can you say range and a complete 180 follow up? Anyways, the film stars Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum as a pair of underachieving cops that are sent back to a local high school as part of an undercover team of young looking cops to blend in and bring down a synthetic drug ring.

The moment I heard about this film I was PUMPED. I am a huge 21 Jump Street fan, and I have the entire series on DVD. This show is what brought Johnny Depp into the spotlight, and I can’t wait to see his cameo in the film as he is my ALL-TIME FAVORITE ACTOR, so look at for that and other members of the original cast.

All in all, the concept of this series, and now obviously the film, may be straight to the point and simple, but it’s great and awesome at the same time. What makes it even better is that the film isn’t technically a remake, as it takes place in present day and the 21 Jump Street initiative is reopened from being closed, which allows for modern day creativity.

At first I was a little skeptical of the cast, even though I am a huge Johan Hill fan. Now I am completely sold, especially on Channing Tatum. The guy has comedic chops, and needs to be doing more film like this rather than his romantic drama bullshit. Add Ice Cube into the mix as Capt. Dickson, and you are in for the treat. He was made for the role, and it was actually written specifically for him. To top off all this awesomeness, they went with a HARD R rather than a cheesy PG-13, which I am pumped about! High School is a hard R, and I am ready for all the dirty jokes involving sex, partying, drinking, drugs, and cursing of course.

Now that you are finished reading this, get your ass to the Megaplex and see this fuckin shit RIGHT NOW. You won’t regret it as you will be laughing your dick off, and may even go back a second time.

P.S. The sequel is already being written, so you will have something to look forward to after you see this a few times…

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the Megaplex: Project X and Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax.

Posted by on 3/2/12 at 3:30 pm

Finally, a weekend at the Megaplex that I can get aboard has arrived.

Project X is a comedy film directed by Nima Nourizadeh in his feature film debut, written by Michael Bacall and Matt Drake based on a story by Bacall, and produced by The Hangover director Todd Phillips. The plot follows Thomas (Thomas Mann), Costa (Oliver Cooper) and J.B. (Jonathan Daniel Brown), three friends who plan to gain popularity by throwing a party, a plan which quickly escalates out of their control. An interesting fact about the film is the title was initially a placeholder for a final title, but interest generated by the secretive title resulted in it being kept. The film was cast through a nationwide open casting call to find people who never really acted before, with a few exceptions.

The film is presented as a home video from the perspective of an attendee using a camera to document the night’s events. This is obviously a genre mash-up of comedy and POV films like Paranormal Activity for example. This is defiantly a film that had a lot of secretive buzz and people where making a big deal as it was being brought to us by the great Todd Phillips. Even though you may not think this film looks original per say, in my eyes it looks HILARIOUS, will definitely be a cult hit, and allow people like myself to revisit the glory days. Booze, Drugs, and Bitches are always a great combination, and I will leave you with that.

Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax is a computer-animated 3-D musical comedy film based on Dr. Seuss’ children’s book of the same name. It was produced by Illumination Entertainment (Despicable Me) and was released by Universal Pictures on March 2, 2012(Today), which would have been the 108th birthday of Seuss, who died at the age of 87 in 1991. This is the fourth feature film based on a book by Dr. Seuss, the second Dr. Seuss adaptation fully computer-animated after Horton Hears a Who!, It’s also the third Dr. Seuss feature film released by Universal, after How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Cat in the Hat.

Anyways, The Lorax tells the story of a Ted, a12-year-old boy who is in search for the one thing that will enable him to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. To find it he must discover the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world. Sooo, I am a HUGE animation fan as I have told you all in the past, so I think this looks awesome. The animation looks stunning, and I am always up for a good kid’s movie. I also personally think the cast is OUTSTANDING. Danny DeVito as the Lorax is ON THE MONEY CASTING, Zac Efron as Ted is great, but I also do secretly wish I had his life. We then round out the cast with Taylor Swift, who you don’t even want to know the things I would do to her, in a dirty sexual way of course, Ed Helms, who is obviously my boy, Rob Riggie, Betty White, and Jenny Slate. All in all, this movie looks FUCKIN AWESOME if this is your sort of thing, so I suggest you go check it out in IMAX 3D!!!

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The Megaplex: Gone, Act Of Valor, Wanderlust, and Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds.

Posted by on 2/24/12 at 12:00 pm

Once again, nothing really tickles my fancy at the Megaplex this weekend, but I’ll tell you what’s up anyways. Now sit back, relax, and read what the hell I have to say about Good Deeds, Gone, Act of Valor, and Wanderlust

Good Deeds is yet another CERTIFIED PIECE OF SHIT by Tyler Perry.

For all of you that have read my past articles, I despise this man, and think he is one of the MOST OVERRATED talents, or I like to say, “lack thereof” in Hollywood.

So yea, FUCK THIS MOVIE.

Gone is your typical thriller film. It tells the story of Jill, (played by my tittie fuck crush, Amanda Seyfried) a former kidnapping victim who learns of her sister’s current disappearance. She becomes convinced that the serial killer who kidnapped her a year ago has returned and is looking for her.

Jill sets out to once again face her abductor, while searching for clues on her sister’s whereabouts and having the police are chasing her.

In short, there’s nothing special besides Seyfried’s tits.

Act of Valor is an American war action film about a Navy SEAL squad that goes on a covert operation to rescue a kidnapped CIA officer, while also taking down terrorists who aim to strike America. It stars relatively unknowns, along with actual active duty U.S. Navy SEALs, and U.S. Navy Special Warfare Combatant Crewmen.

I mean call me an ass, but they have been marketing the hell out of this movie by letting everyone know it stars actual active duty officers. My BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD is in the U.S. Army, so I have mad respect for our armed forces, but now they are movie stars? Yea, no thanks.

That fact alone make me right off the bat say, this is gunna suck. Let them do the real stuff, leave the actors to acting. This movie just makes me angry for the mere fact that I’M not walking on the red carpet for MY movie premiere right now.

Wanderlust is a comedy film produced by Judd Apatow, directed by David Wain, starring Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd, as a married couple who try to escape modern society by leaving their cushy lives in New York.

I am a HUGE Paul Rudd and David Wain fan, but for some reason I can’t get behind this movie. It just looks so FUCKING STUPID. I mean doesn’t this plot remind you of a Direct-to-Video Release? After an urban couple purchases a place in New York, the husband loses his job.

With no other options, the couple leaves for Georgia to live with family. Along the way, they stay at a bed and breakfast hotel that turns out to be a hippie commune.

At this time you should be shaking you head and saying, “Charlie’s right, it does.” Sorry Judd and Paul, but you can’t win them all.

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The Megaplex: Journey 2, The Vow, Safe House and Star Wars Episode 1

Posted by on 2/10/12 at 2:30 pm

This week at the Megaplex is all about if “that is your thing.”

So… sit back, relax, and read what the hell I have to say about Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, The Vow, Safe House and Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is an American 3D adventure film and the sequel to the 2008 film Journey to the Center of the Earth (One of the first main stream 3D films). It stars Dwayne Johnson, Michael Caine, Josh Hutcherson, Vanessa Hudgens, Luis Guzmán and Kristin Davis. The basics of the plot are that Sean Anderson (Josh Hutcherson) partners with his mom’s boyfriend (Dwayne Johnson) on a mission to find his grandfather (Michael Caine), who is thought to be missing on a mythical island.

Keep reading →

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