Some ingenious bastards over at Wicked Lasers created a Facebook event where if they got enough likes they would actually attach a laser to a shark. After receiving a shit ton of likes, they fulfilled their promise and actually went and fitted a 50 milliwatt laser to a lemon shark’s dorsal fin.
I am not sure what the reasoning is behind this other than blinding an unsuspecting swimmer before they get their leg bitten off, or a laser geek’s obsession with Dr. Evil, but either way it is fucking incredible. If I were an evil mastermind, there are a few mechanical additions to animals I have in mind.
Here’s a real photo of the bringer of the apocalypse shark.
1. A penguin with a tray attached to hold beers
2. A kangaroo with a refrigerated pouch…for beers
3. A monkey with a bottle opener…to open beers.
If only technology was advanced enough to make these 3 far fetched monstrosities possible.
Here is the first photo of Armie Hammer (Heir to the baking soda fortune) and Johnny Depp in “The Lone Ranger”. Johnny Depp looks like an extra from “Apocalypto”, and Armie Hammer looks like a cowboy burglar who is wondering to himself: Bro, is there a fuckin indian standing next to me? Cuz I’d seriously like to finish getting this blowjob.
“The Lone Ranger”, directed by Gore Verbinski of “Pirates of the Caribbean” fame, tells the story of how John Reid becomes The Lone Ranger. The movie will be narrated by Tonto, and will presumably have a mixture of humor and action similar to that of the Pirates movies. The movie also stars Barry Pepper (aka token wild west trash), William Fichtner (who is awesome in everything), and, for some reason, Helena Bonham Carter, which leads me to believe that Tim Burton has his nasty, unwashed hands somewhere in this project. Pirates 5: The Wild West, is set to hit theaters in 2013.
Some lunatic in Russia decided it was necessary to tattoo his cat with the most cliche tattoo besides “Mom”. If he was going to be original, he should have put “Eat me” or a landing strip on the chest because vagina puns are in these days. I hope this vodka swigging douche was trying to be ironic because we all know cats sleep 23 hours a day and shit on my bed for the rest of it. They don’t seize ANYTHING, especially the day.
At least some good will come of this with another Sarah McLaughlin video coming, because I don’t know about you, but I haven’t cried like a whiny pussy since last week.
Oh, false alarm folks, that’s not a cat, it’s a 48 year old man from Chernobyl.
This photo shows a woman’s sonogram where you can clearly see she is carrying Venom, the spawn of the devil, or the chupacabra.
In my opinion, it looks like the baby is wearing a luchador mask, leading me to believe the baby’s father may Mexican. For the article’s sake we’ll say it’s Venom because you’re a nerd and this photo is the closest you will ever get to female genitalia.
In closing I’m gonna say the father of this child shouldn’t worry about a large, black, roided out symbiote coming out of his wife’s vagina, but he should worry about the large black “something” that went into it… I mean c’mon, you can clearly see those are a future basketball player’s tiny hands.
This is a pretty genius marketing tool used by the people from the film “Chronicle”, which is apparently, a movie about 3 teens who are bullied in school and stumble upon Superman’s used condom. After eating his super-spunk they develop crazy superpowers and move people’s cars to other parking spots and tease kids with teddy bears, ya know, exactly what any person would do if they were given superpowers.
It seems one of them decides to strike back at the bullies. Sometimes “it gets better” videos just don’t cut it and a kid has to throw a few cop cars with his mind. Me? I’d be at the roller rink giving those roller derby lesbians their just desserts. You think just cuz I’m a man with light up wheels, you can throw me around Black Widow?
Obviously the human race is on the verge of evolution because this story is pretty amazing. A Chinese boy who was inexplicably born with blue eyes, has the ability to see clearly in the dark. When a light was shone into his eyes they emitted a blue green light much like a cat’s eyes.
While this is really exciting news, I too have developed a “super power”. I have successfully sneezed while pissing, without blowing out my butthole and my Asian sidekick can make a kick chicken and broccoli in complete darkness. Okay professor Xavier, where do me and Shang Tsung sign up?
Superhero names? I am “the Iron Sphincter” and he is known as “Head Chef of Chinese Restaurant When Kitchen Loses Power” Boy.
I’ve been a fan of Beavis and Butt-Head for years and I always wondered what it would be like to party with them. Now, I find out it would be the scariest scenario since that time I saw a man getting raped by 2 German shepards.
Now you know why I cry every time I go to PETCO. OH GOD THAT DOG’S LIPSTICK IS OUT! TIGHTEN YOUR BUTTHOLE!
I must admit, those are the most realistic depictions of fictional characters I’ve ever seen. The same guys should try their talents with the Kardashians! Amiright?
Paul Anderson is on my shit list for a number of reasons, and stealing Mila and her giant nipples away from me is only part of it. Resident evil was the best video game of all time, at least in my opinion, and Capcom gave this son of a bitch a free pass to turn the scariest game of all time into the campiest, Elton Johniest, George Michaeliest, butt piratey-est series of films I have ever seen. Male on male butt-sex is the picture I am painting people! Anderson has bent over Resident Evil and shoved his talentless manhood straight up its hiney.
This is the most exciting Star Wars related news since George Lucas released the Chewbacca sex doll in 2007. The much anticipated Live-Action, Star Wars television series has been tentatively titled Star Wars: Underworld. Not to be confused with the upcoming Kate Beckinsale Vampire-Lycan-war-in-space production “Underworld: Star Wars”. Producer of the franchise, Rick McAllum said in an interview:
They take place between Episode III and Episode IV. That 20 year period when Luke is growing up. It’s not about Luke, but it’s about that period when the Empire is trying to take things [over].
I really hope Lucas doesn’t disappoint me, but after finding out his new flick Red Tails, wasn’t a porn about Native Americans, I’m fairly certain he is going out of his way to let me down.
Because we love you, here’s SW producer Rick McCallum talking about the series:
I see a growing trend in creating new Monopoly boards to coincide with geek favorites such as Star Trek and Starwars, but there’s a point when it starts to become embarrassing. C’mon guys, I mean, Skyrim Monopoly? Really? You are just taking our love of terrible videogames and throwing it up in our faces. No one plays that dumb game and there’s a point in every geeks life where they have to grow up, get a job, and eventually get their penis touched, but for the guy who made this…that day may never come.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to cash my unemployment check, put on my Lord of the Rings footie pajamas and finish my slave Leia mural in my bathroom. Good bye Playboy, HELLO JABBA’S FAP PALACE!
Sure, this is where we share the majority of awesomeness and internet shenanegans, but we DAPS kids can also be found pretty much everywhere else on the web. So, check us out everywhere else AND in your email inbox. Hell, if you really want, we'll print out the site everyday and mail it to your house. Why not?
Connect with DAPS
Sure, this is where we share the majority of awesomeness and internet shenanegans, but we DAPS kids can also be found pretty much everywhere else on the web. So, check us out everywhere else AND in your email inbox. Hell, if you really want, we'll print out the site everyday and mail it to your house. Why not?