Good Morning Campers, Rise and Shine!
We’re going to be providing you with some daily morning music starting today! To kick off our new tradition, we’ve invited our friend Adam from Avon Junkies to pick the week’s morning music dosage. For his first pick, Adam selected The Used track “The Bird and the Worm” Really awesome song, one of the band’s best. The song can be found on the band’s album Lies for the Liars, which I also recommend!
PS. the video is pretty awesome as well… dig it below:
If you’ve been reading our series on why we hate the previous decade (read: The 2000s) you get the point, just about everything sucked for those 10 years. 2004 was no different, if not worse… take the film Damian chose to single out:
SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 is a 2004 comedy film, and the last to be directed by Bob Clark. It is a sequel to the 1999 film Baby Geniuses. It received universally negative reviews from film critics, earning a 0% positive rating on review website Rotten Tomatoes. One such critic remarked, “Superbabies has no redeeming qualities.”[1] The film was distributed by Triumph Films and Crystal Sky.
Jon Voight + Scott Baio + Vanessa Angel = movie cancer.
The New York Yankees choked and became the first and only team in baseball history to lose a series after being up 3-0. (see: Biggest Choke in MLB history)
The hockey world sobs when Gary Bettman (shyster extraordinaire) declares a lockout due to a failure to reach agreements with the NHLPA.
Oh, I forgot, the terrible Montreal Expos move and become the even more terrible D.C. Nationals. (Nationals >Yankees)
So we hate to admit it, but 2004 was actually a rather fantastic year for technology. For starters VoIP went mainstream, and that alone was a really cool advancement that I personal have been using for a number of years now. However, for all the good that came out of 2004 one thing in particular sticks out like a sore thumb.
On January 24th at the World Economic Forum held in Switzerland, Bill Gates made a shocking announcement,”Two years from now, spam will be solved.” Yup, thats right, that day Bill Gates told the world that Microsoft would eliminate spam by 2006. I suppose those emails I get about Viagra aren’t actually spam then? I guess its really just targeted direct marketing. Lets also overlook the fact that 2004 was the single worst year of the decade for pc viruses being forwarded in email attachments.
Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3 (PS2) – This is just another 3D fighting game like every other one out on the market the other difference is the fact that the characters are from the Dragon Ball universe… boring. What they need to do is make a Dragon Ball game like Naruto: Rise of a Ninja and Naruto: Broken Bond for the Xbox 360, those were good games. Yeah the American Naruto voice saying “Believe It!!” all the time can be annoying but that’s why I play it with the original Japanese cast voice-over.
2004 was the 10th anniversary of the internet. How did we, as a collective, and shared community celebrate it? Well first of all EVERYONE GOT A BLOG. Blogging “started” a long time ago, but modern blogging software hit the scene in 2003 and gave every dullard with fingers the ability to waste an inconceivable amount of disk space and bandwidth. So much space in fact that the number of hosts jumped to around 2 million with over 46 million web servers hosting 68 million websites. (That’s a lot.)
Culturally, the internet continued on its slow and indecipherable decent into madness when THIS became the first YTMND page to reach 1 million page views. Also The “Numa Numa” thing happened. That was pretty retarded.
On the bright side, the single most important phrase uttered about the internet was uttered…… you know what I mean.
In 2004, the world got just a bit more douchier (real word?) thanks to the formation of Velvet Revolver. Consisting of members from a band that ran their course fronted by Eddie Vedder Wannabe Scott Weiland. Talk about a band no one was asking for, while at the same time being the exact epitome of “Mainstream.” Velvet Revolver is a landmark in zero; That is to say they created a zero-point of blandness that has become a gauge for bands either being worse or better than Velvet Revolver.
You know who I can’t stand? Britney Spears. She is an attention whore! What the hell girl? You get married on January 3rd and then it gets annulled 2 days later on January 5th? What was the point of that? Did someone drug you? Were you drunk? Lets face it, this guy is way better looking that that other idiot.
Wanna know what also SUCKED about this year? Stupid Janet Jackson had to go ruin it all and fu*k up awesome Half Time shows during the Super Bowl. What were you thinking lady? Justin, please, you could do better man. ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ my a$$!
Oh and by the way, Linday Lohan, you can’t sing! Stop making albums!
In 2004 raps started to sound the same. There were tons of tracks to choose from, I think captured the essence of what 2004 really meant to me commercially music wise: PURE SHIT !!!!
Petey Pablo- Freek-A-Leek at this time the South was killing the hip hop scene, there where a lot of good songs coming out of the south. I’m shocked this joint became as popular as it did. When i used to drop this at the bars chicks you to go crazy and bar on the bar it self. It was nice to look at but it was a poor choice in music to dance sexy too.
Lil’ Flip – Sunshine Sunshine might be the worst song of the year over the Hoobastank-The Reason
First off, I’d say the biggest disappointment of ‘04 was the fact that Showtime pulled the plug on ‘Dead Like Me‘. DLM was a unique, interesting, well written sci-fi/comedy about a girl who died when she was struck by a toilet seat which had fallen from space. The show which was produced by Bryan Fuller (who also produced Pushing Dasies and Wonderfalls, and were both similarly killed before their time) was a gem and a half. The characters were memorable, the dialogue was witty, and the stories were always peppered with fun. ::sigh:: This is why we can’t have nice things.
As Television continued to evolve in 2004, the world also saw the last episodes of annual favorites Friends, Frasier, and Rugrats. But by far the biggest loss of the year was the fact that Tom Brokaw stepped down and was replaced by Brian Williams. Now I don’t dislike Williams, he cool, but Brokaw has the News Anchor persona on lock. Check this classic Brokaw moment and tell me I’m wrong.
POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)
At one time, President George W. Bush had an approval rating of 90%, which was one of the highest in presidential history. An unpopular war in Iraq and the erosion of civil liberties in the name of defense left the electorate clamoring for new leadership. A last minute elevation of the terrorist threat level, and the release of unflattering pictures of the democratic candidate windsurfing, gave the sitting president the edge he needed to defeat the democratic challenger John Kerry. This would begin a second term for Bush that would lead to one the lowest approval ratings for a president in history.
Pocket Bikes. Really, these things were the shit back in 2004. I didn’t and still don’t understand what the hype was over these overpriced lawnmowers. The bikes are too small for a normal adult and to dangerous to allow kids to ride. The only people that would be able to ride these would have to be a midgets. They are the only people that could fit on the bike and make the decision to buy one. Great marketing strategy guys lets make tiny motorcycles that midgets won’t buy because they suck and kids can’t buy because their parents won’t let them.
He would totally rock the pocket bike!
Pocket bikes are so not hot but you know what is hot? Paris Hilton’s 2004 sex tape. She showed every girl in America that it is okay to be a raging whore. Want to be famous? Make a tape of you chocking on the shlong and BAM insta-famous!
According to underground twitter hashtag #slanderthursday “Paris Hilton once had sex with Michael Jackson where she was dressed like a small Philippines boy and Michael was dressed as a Catholic priest.” What! You say that is false! Well, if that’s false then the whole damn system is false!
Anyway, besides her father running one of the largest hotel chains ever created, and her sex tape (this one… yes we’re linking to the real thing, the link is NSFW, seriously) why else did Paris Hilton deserve to be the biggest FAD of 2004?……..I can’t come up with anything except that she is a raging slut.
Last week I wrote a bit about Waterbation/Shower Sex and used the word “Pervertables” and forgot to define it… and you caught me. I got a few emails about that so I’m going to clear that up for you all.
A Per-vert-able is any non-sex, household item that you can convert for sex – you “pervert it” thus creating a pervertable. Got it?
I feel like everyone has done this at one point or another in their lives. Take the shower head for example, is one of THE BEST pervertables ever. Here are a few Bondage on a Budget tips, plus some other goodies I’ve been told over the years.
I hope you musicians are reading right now. You know all those cables you have, especially all of the ones you’re ready to throw out? Those make great bondage ties in a pinch. You can use them like rope OR loop it over itself (like you do those rubber bracelets) to use them as ties. The rubber smell is pretty cool if you’re a sensory person too. If you fold them over to create a single loop, you’ve got a make shift slapper, just don’t go too crazy they reeeally sting. You don’t need an OhMiBod product to be an audiophile – but they sure help.
Any Nurses reading along? Medical tape, gauze and safety scissors are pretty awesome for bondage too. Since they’re designed not to hurt all that much when pulled off – you get a really secure, really soft bondage scenario going on and it’s fun taking it off. Those rubber gloves are great if you’re a beginner to anal, all of the fun and none of the clean up mess. The smell and texture of these materials are clinical too – so just by having a few simple items you can create a very realistic Dr./Patient scenario.
Pet Owners, I know you’re out there. It is far more expensive usually to buy a collar for yourself off some random website than it is to just buy a dog collar at your chain pet store near by. If you’re looking for one for either your dog or your submissive – check discount pet stores AND websites like www.sub-shop.com.
I bet you want cuffs to match that collar of yours eh? I also bet you have like 6 belts that you don’t wear or have a thrift shop near you. Poke around in your closet/town and look for something that matches the collar you picked out. Heck, if the belt is big enough, cut it to size and TADA instant collar and cuffs set! Best thing about thrift stores is that the belts have been used already and are soft so you don’t get that stiff leather feeling.
If you want something pinchy – go get wooden clothespins. A bag is less than $5. And dip them in a little craft liquid silicone or liquid latex which isn’t more than $10 either… this helps them grip your skin better. You can make them any color you want with a little paint. If you want more of a bite, then get plastic ones, make sure you test them in the store though.
Is degrading, humiliation or hidden bondage or messages your thing? Washable marker is your next pervertable. You can write whatever you want (“slut” … “sissy” … “owned” … a favorite of mine is “fuck toy”) on your partner and they can have that secret all day with them. Use sharpie if you want, but its more of a pain to try and get off your skin. I don’t recommend this in the summer… not that I’d know from personal experience or anything. heh.
There are many different sensations you can create with house hold items too. Try using a silicone spatula for a slapper. Or a rolling meat tenderizer as a make shift Wartenburg Wheel. One of my favorites are those silicone basting brushes; dip it in lubricant and slide it around nipples, balls, clits, breasts… the sensation is amazing if you use a lube that tingles, warms or gets cold! Its so slippery and sexy feeling. Try it with melted chocolate!
Of course there are all kinds of fruits and vegetables – just make sure you wash them! Candles are a common pervertable too but you have to use a wax that burns at a low temperature – like birthday candles. If you whittle down candles and want to use them for insertion you must put them in a condom for safety and retrieval. Stockings and socks are great for blind folds, gags, bondage ties when you’re on the go; they wont look weird on an airport scan either.
WARNING: Anything you put in your ass MUST have a flared base like a traditional butt plug does… soda cans often pop up on xray machines because the body sucked it in and they couldn’t get it out again. Also, the average person waits 3 days before going to a hospital. I don’t recommend that either – just go in – they’ve seen it all before and have special tools to help you.
I hope you’re starting to look at every day items a little differently now.
Used something I didn’t list? Share it with me!
<3 Jane
Aim: SexpertJane Blow, Twitter @SexpertJaneBlow, Jane Blow on Facebook, and SexpertJaneBlow@gmail.com
Does anybody else remember watching the Foxwoods commercial? If you don’t, how about the song?
It seems that the marketing/advertising department at Foxwoods came up with a brilliant idea to revamp their image. They started a contest for all musicians to do their own rendition of “The Wonder Of It All.” The winner will be extravagantly rewarded with:
The grand prize, worth $25,000, includes $5,000 cash prize, $5,000 shopping spree for new equipment, $5,000 studio time, $10,000 promotional advertising package and your winning song featured in Foxwoods’ commercials.
Holy moolah, Batman!
Many people have already put there renditions of this song on the site and its our job as the people of the internet to go and rate them. That’s what the interwebs is all about right? Telling people they suck to make yourself feel that much more important. Well at least I think the internet is about that. Let’s just listen to some people who suck.
Now that you have heard just a small taste of all the crap that is being put on the site let’s look at Business As Usual. They are my vote to win this whole darn competition. Since, they are my vote to win that means they should be your vote to win as well. We only have till February 8th to vote! Go vote now!
You might be wondering “Why should I go vote for them.” Let me explain that voting for Business As Usual will save the life of someone in Haiti. It will help to secure places for them to sleep, blankets, pillows, food, fresh water and more! Wait do you even remember Haiti? Either way go vote for them so some jerk off like this
doesn’t win because a bunch of 12 year old girls thinks he is cute. He has a freken “Kiss Me” widget on his myspace I hope he chokes to death.
They are going to take the top 10 finalists and have them compete at Foxwoods. Here let this video explain:
Hey guize, it’s Carlo here covering for the amazing Jane Blow this week.
This past weekend, I had a rousing conversation with Kristin’s (my girlfriend’s) family about the Jersey Shore. We discussed the use of the racial slur Guido (as it’s essentially the N-word without the guilt), the shooting style (Cinema Verité at it’s finest), and even the social implications of this show on Middle America (where Italians are basically N-words and there is never any guilt about it). But one thing we didn’t talk about was which one’s we bang. I mean, I’d probably toss a sazeech (guidonics® for sausage) to any of them, but then again, I’m a jerkoff.
For the guys: Fuck, Marry, or Kill each of these guidettes.
Snooki “She looks like she has the body of a regular person smushed into the size of a bowling ball.” – Bobby Bottleservice.
JWoww HAM ::pbbbssstttttt::
Sammi Sweetheart Seriously, the sweetest girl ya evah met.
Editors Note: I didn’t include Angelina “Jolie” cuz she’s a fucking tool. FIGHT ME YOU DUMB SOUTH SHORE BITCH. (sorry)
Alright, now ladies, decide your fate with these meatball eating greaseballs. (boooooo. because the joke sucked.)
DJ Pauly D His DICK is PIERCED.
The Situtaion Moar like “The fucking whiney ass bitch situation” amirite?
Ronnie “Ron Ron” The recipe for Ron Ron Juice is depressing. Please kill this one.
Editors Note: I’ve omitted Vinny, ‘cuz I actually like him too much.
Okay, okay tell us who you would “do”, “I do”, or “do in” in the comments.
Is it a good thing or bad thing to do after a fight?
7.5 times out of 10, it is a GREAT thing.
The first strike it gets is for couples who force fight, to force the make-up sex endorphins out. Which in the end, is a very unhealthy habit. The second strike it gets is because some people don’t know how to let go. When you’re fighting about everything, and nothing good is coming out of it (no lesson learned, nothing settled, no moving on)… sex is NOT the answer. It is time to let go. The last few points are taken away for frequency! Hopefully you’re NOT fighting often, in result making the make-up sex sessions few and far between!
Probably one of the GREATEST Fight/Make Up Sex Scenes Ever!
Other than that, make-up sex is aaawesome, and I’m sure many of you will agree with me… but do any of you know why? No? Good think you’re here, eh?
Post fight sex is so hot, steamy, animalistic and raw because, when you fight and argue your blood gets pumping and endorphins (natural pain killer- think “runner’s high“) along with adrenaline (fight/flight hormone) are released. Your “fight or flight” response isn’t totally reached. When adrenaline and endorphins are mixed it becomes akin to arousal. Your blazing attitude and heated opinions are charging you up, and often it comes out as pent up sexual aggression.
Which, results in mind blowing hot sex… and cuddling.
Yeah, you don’t notice that part do you? Usually after make-up sex, you cuddle. Why?
Oxytocin was also released in your euphoric love making romp; it’s the cuddle me, feel good, touch me, hold me hormone that men don’t usually experience. Men usually experience the “roll over and sleep instinct” because prolactin is released. Men also happen to go back to an un-aroused state after orgasm, thus the need for a sandwich not a cuddle. Women release much more oxytocin; also go back to a semi-aroused state after an orgasm (which gives them the ability to go again…and again…).
Talk about embers…
How to accomplish make-up sex?
Fights are chaotic, poke that fire and try something unexpected like grabbing your partner’s face and giving them a really great kiss.
Saying “I’m Sorry” first can work too, sex might end up extremely passionate rather then hardcore that way too.
Or you can wait till the flames die out to embers. Start with a massage and a talk about how the fight helped you see how much you care for your partner and how much the fight showed you that you NEED them.
So I was watching random music videos on MTV. Leighton Meester caught my attention at first glance. She kinda resembles porn star Tori Black. My 5 am perversion led me to google to stare rather creepily at her photos. What’s sexy about Leighton Meester? She was born while her mother was serving a federal prison sentence. (BROKEN HOME STATUS…HOT)
Here’s the video that caught my attention.
PS She also stars on Gossip Girls @ CW 11. Teen dramas LOL
Okay. Now that we all know what a kewl dood he is, let’s take a look at some of the words he spoke, and those who really got it. You may be surprised by the result. (Just to let y’all know, all these quotes came from BrainyQuote.)
Yesterday I while I was at work, I rallied my support for Conan O’Brien via twitter. After Conan’s declaration that he would no longer do the Tonight Show if a proposed re-shuffling of NBC’s schedule occurred (leaving the tonight show in a 12:05 “tomorrow” time slot)
Later, amidst stomach pains, I remembered that Conan was still on the air, and made a point to tune in. When Conan first strolled onto his stage he received the biggest standing ovation I’ve seen him get in the last 10 years I’ve been watching him. He made some new jokes about the volatile situation, and then invited one of his writers out for a different perspective:
I laughed and laughed watching the clip and the episode. I forgot my stomach pains as I sat and smiled, remembering why I started watching him in the first place. Conan is the fucking BEST.
I mean think about it… This is a ton of free publicity and support for a fledgling show that wasn’t really getting a lot. Maybe it’s just my blinding optimism, but I think that, magically, the conflict will be resolved in a couple of days but Conan’s Tonight Show will then have an army of eyes watching diligently.
If that’s the case, bravo NBC you won yourself a soldier.
If that’s not the case, burn in hell NBC, I don’t know what I saw in you anyway.
What do you guys think..is this re-shuffling legit or is it carefully constructed PR?
Friend “Z” has bitten you and you’ve turned into a Werewolf. Click here to bite back!
These are three examples of why my Social Media allegiance has shifted from Facebook to Twitter in the past year. Why Twitter? 1.) Because Facebook used to be a nice/easy way of keeping in touch with people and 2.)Because Twitter allows you to do all of the useful things Facebook does, only there’s no place for all of the excess bullshit.
Thing is, Facebook (and the companies that create social simulation games like Farmville, cougZyngacough) are making boatloads of money from this nonsense. In order to get these games and fan pages like “You took too long to text back, so i fell asleep.” more inherently viral FB has actually went through 3 site redesigns!
Now getting gifts of digital sheep and becoming a fan of falling asleep and missing a text are pretty much the dumbest ways to spend your time online.. so, how come people do it? We need to have a scientist figure this out, like ASAP…Oh, there was? Oh, ok let me tell the readers!
There was this cat named Maslow, really nerdy Psychologist type dude. He proposed that there is a hierarchy of needs that every human being strives for in order to live a complete life. So what do sharing sheep and telling your friends you hate it when your Mario Kart falls off a cliff and you end up in 12th place have in common? They’re both was of staying connected to friends and family, albeit in the form of the lowest possible denominator.
Humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs (“Safety in numbers”), or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants). They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure; an anorexic, for example, may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging. (via Wikipedia)
Shared Experience makes us feel connected to others. People like to know that other people notice the same stupid bullshit they do, hence Seinfeld’s icon status. In the same way, people like to know that other people are also bored enough to give the gift of sheep.
Knowing that, I feel like complaining about it isn’t going to get me anywhere. Thank the lord there’s that other “C” word… Capitalize. Anyone here a fan of “Awesomeness“?
By the way, if you’ve been sitting there trying to figure out what that useful twitter stuff is I’ll be covering that next week.
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