Archive for the Sex category

Posted on Mar 09, 2010 — Bizarre / From the Web / Sex — No comments — Posted by chris

Can you guess her, um, muff?

I received a rouge IM the other night. It was unexpected, and included a single link to a blogspot url. That url?

http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/

let me repeat that for you

http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/

Now, I know what you’re thinking.. “Is he posting porn?!?” Yeah, well, it is sort of porn. But i’m not posting it because i want you to go get your jollies off, so please leave your jollies in for the duration of this post. If you’re not thinking that, you probably don’t realize that “muff” is a slang term for VAGINA.

You see, the concept behind Guesshermuff.blogspot.com is a simple one, GHM as i’ll refer to it from here on out, shows a photo of a young lady daily and asks the age old question…

Do you think you can guess how a babe keeps her muff based on how she dresses? Does your co-worker’s carpet match the drapes? Is that geeky girl in your class secretly a sex kitten who shaves it bald?

What happens is, you’ll see a photo like this one:

Then underneath the photo, GHM reveals the answer through the click of a  “See the Answer [Here <--NSFW]” link.

Now, this site raises a very interesting question.. Where the hell are they getting all of the photos? It’s been speculated that the ladies come exclusively from Eastern Europe. It must be considered that the photos were all stolen because this notice is carefully hidden at the bottom of the page..

To Request an Image Removal, Please Leave a Clear Message Stating the Reason of the Request In the Comment Section of the Post and the Image(s) Will Be Removed Within 12 Hours.

It’s also entirely possible that the ladies donated their images to science (well, the science to determining muff-ness) The truth is, we may never know.

GYM simply put a game out there that men have been playing since the dawn of time clothing, they simply provided the one thing that the game always lacked.. an answer. But, if you’re anything like me, and you’ve never played this game in real life..  brand new doors will open up to you.., all of a sudden lines at the post office and DMV will be magical, in short you’ll see the universe in a totally different way!

Lunchlady? Landing Strip.

Crossing guard? Bush

Michelle Obama? You get the point..

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Posted on Feb 25, 2010 — Jane Blow / Sex — 1 comment — Posted by JaneBlow

Jane Blow: How to Make Your Partner Better in Bed

Another great question from Formspring.me!  I thought this one was really good and needed to be addressed properly.  I get this question ALL THE TIME and I’ve come up with a fun solution.

Q: How can you nicely say sorry love but your skills are below par?

You don’t.

What you can do is show them some skills without saying ‘wow, you are terrible, try this instead’.

You do a process that I call “Pulling Out The Beast”. You encourage good movies and slightly correct bad moves.

Example: You don’t think they are a good kisser. Take some charge in that area instead and guide them via kisses.  Kiss them and make them follow, sort of like being the lead dancer in couple’s dancing. Have fun with it, instead of insulting your partner.

Babies learn from imitation, and of the three ways people learn “doing” the new skill ranks highest (behind being a watcher and a listener).  Growing up, these methods still apply to our adult life.  So if doing isn’t working, guide them by letting them watch.

Example: You don’t like the way they jerk you off or stimulate your pussy with their fingers.  Turn the tables, and show them. Take control of the situation and simply say “I want you to watch me, while I watch you…”  Pick up tips while you’re getting them – they will touch themselves the way they want to be touched.

Monkey see, Monkey do… get it?

The last way of learning is listening, these types of learners tend to pick up things quickly when told directly.  So if they don’t get your other two hints, try telling them in a sexy way.  Don’t FAKE excitement, let them bring you there.

Example: They’re actually causing pain, or you’re losing the hard-on. Tell them little tips like “faster”, “slower”, “more like that”… they’ll get the gentle nudge. Tell them how you love it when they ______… you get the point.

This is also a great way to try out Power Play and test the waters to find a Dominant or Submissive partner.  It is also the quickest way to find a “pleaser,” who you shouldn’t confuse with a submissive.  Some people just like to please, they’ll do anything if given a hint.

Use voice, touch, and allowing them to watch as cues and pull out their inner beast.  This is how you turn your sweet girlfriend into a whore in bed because you give her permission to try out all of those slutty ideas.  Ladies, if you like it rough but he has no idea what he is doing… role play is your best friend to pull out his beast.  Start with some light bondage, introduce spanking… and before you know it, you’ll be or have a perfect Fuck Toy.

They aren’t “good” in bed because they either haven’t had the experience or they don’t know how to touch/please you specifically. No one is a mind reader, so be fair.

Lastly,  don’t fake it. That helps no one, especially the next person they meet.

What type of learner lover are you?

<3 Jane

P.S. Seriously people, no question is too small nor is it stupid, keep them coming; it also helps my day pass!

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Posted on Feb 22, 2010 — FMK / Humor / Movies & TV / Sex — No comments — Posted by JaneBlow

TIME TO PLAY F**K – MARRY – KILL: What? Really?

I don’t know what I was thinking with this one honestly, but I thought it was pretty funny after I came up with it. Maybe its one of those “Which one of these things is not like the other” games too. So, uh, yeah… have fun?

Take out your thinking caps… time to play FMK!!

Women: Roseanne Barr, Kathy Bates, and Rosie O’Donnell.

Men: Marilyn Manson, Boy George, and Tom Green.

Same rules apply though, even if *I* don’t know what is going on lulz, who would you Do, I Do and Do in?

<3 Jane

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Posted on Feb 19, 2010 — Jane Blow / Sex — No comments — Posted by JaneBlow

Jane Blow: The Anal G-Spot Exists?

As some of you know, I have a formspring.me account now, and I must tell you, it has been pretty cool for me. Last week I got a good question. It is commonly asked, a simple mix up and easily answered. At work, I probably answer this question a few times a month.  Before you think “is my questions relevant, important or stupid” … ask it anyway.  If you have or a friend has wondered, so has someone else.

Q: If a girl can orgasm from anal does that mean there’s a “g-spot” there?

A:  First a little anatomy briefing. If we’re all the same during development in the womb then where did all the penis go while the vulva formed? Simple… all of that sensitive erectile tissue created the clit, the vagina, labia majora/minora, and even the taint and around the anal opening – so 1 reason it feels good – is because it just does. Also, the anal rings/sphincters are REALLY packed with nerve endings, so its really intense for anyone on the receiving end.

There is a thin line between pain and pleasure, and if you have anal sex the right way (and without anal ease) there is no pain.

Pain is your body’s way of saying “WTF? SLOW DOWN” If you hurt yourself, you wont know because you wont feel it. Also, if you can’t FEEL it, why do it?

There is no “Anal G-Spot” for women (men have a prostate, women don’t).  What is happening is indirect stimulation through the walls of the anus to the actual G-Spot inside of the vagina, or another spot towards the back of the vagina called the Anterior Fornix is being stimulated from another angle.

So in short, you’re stimulating indirectly or directly some really special spots on a woman (throw in stimulating her clit and watch her go crazy) and thus making her orgasm…hard!

Tada! See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?  Now you give it a try, ask me something!

<3 Jane

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Posted on Feb 18, 2010 — Geek / Pipe City / Sex — 1 comment — Posted by EmilioSparks

PIPE CITY: MORGAN WEBB

Morgan Webb is a video game nerd with model looks, Morgan Webb can be seen on the video game channel, G4. I don’t even play video games I just watch for her. Do all girls who play video games look like this or is it as rare as finding a chick who is honest when she says . Ive never done something like this before.

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Posted on Feb 15, 2010 — FMK / Jane Blow / Sex — No comments — Posted by JaneBlow

TIME TO PLAY F**K – MARRY – KILL: Dead People

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m nursing a wicked hangover.  I feel half dead, and it got me thinking… thats something I haven’t covered yet.  We do cover the death happenings here and I don’t count the Vampire FMKs I did a while back. With no further adieu…

Bring out ye dead… Time to Play FMK!

Women: Brittney Murphy, Marilyn Chambers, and Farrah Fawcett.

RIP: Rollin with the homies

RIP: Ivory Soap and the porno Behind the Green Door.

RIP: Good Night Charlie…

Men: DJ AM, Jett Travolta, and Jack Wrangler.

RIP: Crazy Town

RIP: Seizures Suck

RIP: Sex Machine (He was a gay/straight porn actor for those who don’t know)

Figuratively speaking… who would you have Done, Did, and Do in?

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Posted on Feb 12, 2010 — Jane Blow / Lifestyle / Mail Bag / Philosophy / Sex — No comments — Posted by JaneBlow

Formspring.me just gained Jane Blow!

We’ve already discussed how the internet is for porn since day one.  And Since day one, and all of its porn, people have been asking questions about sex.  It was awesome!  Totally anonymous, total safety!

In the last few years during the uprising of social media, the sex information pool has become an ocean.  So many people who THINK they know what they are talking about are out there spouting misinformation and creating webpages.  The internet is now totally supersaturated with sex.

Does that discourage me? No.  My hope is in people who help by putting the correct info up, actual professionals and Sexperts like myself counteracting the bullshit and scare tactics out there.  I had my humble start on Literotica.com, and now am using DAP.TV as a platform. (yay!)

Problem is, it isn’t totally anonymous anymore.  Facebook, twitter, myspace, youtube … you’ve got it all linked to your phone, email and other personal accounts.  Creating a non anonymous public space.  People have online identities that cannot be touched due to work or family life.  The way around it is to create an alternate account but it can be a hassle to juggle your double identity.

But in sails …

…and saves the day!!

Sign in or not, as you or as an alt it is totally free. FS gives you the option to be totally anonymous again!

Ask away, ask me anything!

Your sex life, mine, facts, bets, joke around and be silly… I don’t care.  Treat it like a “Dear Jane” or “Ask a Sexpert” safe space.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Find me on Formspring.me/SexpertJaneBlow and spread the word!

<3 Jane

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Posted on Feb 11, 2010 — Music / Sex — No comments — Posted by Carlo

Finally, I give my thoughts on the whole John Mayer / Playboy Interview Thing

I know you have all been anxiously waiting for me to speak out about the John Mayer having a racist penis thing, SO HERE IT IS.

In case you aren’t on twitter, or live in a cave, (but not both, because if you have twitter, you have internet and probably heard all about it) John Mayer did an interview with Playboy and some of his comments were a bit disturbing to some people. (not for nothing, if yesterday is when all you fuckers were talking about it, it took ya’ll like 2 weeks to read it. #snowdayboredom #stirsumshitup #dramawhores)

I’m just gonna go through this line by line. I’ve added the emphasis.

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Okay, I get what he’s saying. Black people are more very than white people and he gets that.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

Whoa! Whoa!!! You can’t just drop that fucking word! (that’s a hysterical youtube video)

I used it academically once and got stared down REAL HARD. but then again, Paul Mooney said the word is now meaningless, so maybe you are on to something Mr Mayer….

Also, he’s trying to prove he has “really has a hood pass.”

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

LOL at rich white man sympathizing with the black struggle. Hey man, I like rap too.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

See, a lot of people got really upset by this, but who fucking cares. He likes white chicks? Does he hate black women? No. Who cares who he’s turned on by?

“omg what a racist ass” – everyone on twitter

“get off your ignorant faux-liberal high horse you piece of shit” – me and everyone else with common sense.

I mean, I don’t get off on a lot of things, things just as broad as being of a specific race, WHATEVER. #ihateeveryoneintheworld

If he said “I don’t like blondes” is that any different, for real?

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

This just makes him sound like a dummy.

All in all, John Mayer is a tool, we all know this. His music is just above dying-battery-powered-engine on the shitty sound scale, and his personality is essentially a template for any douchebag that pulls a guitar out at parties. He’s likable, if you like plain garbage, BUT he is trying really hard to get people to not see race, by pointing out race. Essentially saying, “Dude it’s cool, I get it, I’m hip” and “really empathizing” or “understanding” the pathos of a race that has continuously been raped and disenfranchised by people who are essentially older versions of him. I get it, you have street cred. You were on the Chappelle show. COOL DUDE. Don’t be a dick.

Also: we can all say nigger now because John Mayer did.

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Posted on Feb 11, 2010 — Jane Blow / Lifestyle / Sex — No comments — Posted by JaneBlow

Jane Blow: Valentine’s Day Guide

To start, let me get this out of the way. Don’t be a shut in, don’t drink alone, get out and do something that inspires you.  If you’re Anti-Vday, don’t be an asshole to people who are actually enjoying the day.  There is more to life than avoiding the radio while dateless, and being cynical after a break up.  Try some stuff on this list!

1. Forget going OUT to eat, stay in and cook.  If you feel you can’t, get recipes online and try them out instead.  Anyone can follow directions.  Don’t make the typical aphrodisiacs either, go for anti-sex foods and make a mess! Try making ribs, crabs, or tacos! Anything you can eat with your hands.  Chocolate is still good though, chocolate is always allowed.

2. Skip the lovey-dovey flix, grab some horror movies and watch those instead.  Whether you’re with someone or not, they’re great for inspiring true emotion.  So laugh, cry, hide your eyes and grab on to someone!  Get Netflix, Head out to the movie rental place, download it…whatever!

3. Check out a museum, or some other local display of art or culture. Think about it, everyone else is out doing date, romantic stuff.  Places like this will be empty!

4. Try your hand at paintball.  Most places have rental gear, and teams you can just join in on.  Skip going to the gym that day, and instead pretend you’re at war!

5. Find your local production of The Vagina Monologues. It isn’t just women bitching about having a vagina.  It is fun and informative.  Someone even has multiple orgasms on stage!  Start looking at college news fliers, there is  usually a group of students who put on the show every year.  Its an awesome tradition.

6. Take a really long time pampering yourself.  Head to toe, give yourself a self spa day.  Guys, you too.  Clip your nails, buff them out, take out a new razor and indulge.  Make yourself an exfoliating scrub with sugar and liquid soap and do your whole body.  Sugar wont dissolve in the soap, so scrub away till your heart is content and the dead skin is gone. You’ll feel like a baby’s butt! Wear a robe all day, and something silky… love yourself!

7. Grab a camera, and walk around snapping pictures of everything. Pretty, arty, ugly, random, yourself, people, objects or not.  Don’t delete any of them!  When you get home put them on your computer or TV and go through them picking out what IS beautiful about them.  Really look into the photo.

8. Do something, or get something you’ve always wanted to but held back for whatever reason.  Don’t treat your life like that pretty candle your mom never burns because it is too pretty. Burn the fucking candle!  Step out of your comfort zone. Talk to that cute person you don’t really know, ask them something random get the conversation going.  Get that top hat you’ve been lusting over. Try that thing on the menu you’ve been thinking about trying, but never do.   Stop waiting, just do it.

9. Get a couple of bags of candy (Hershey kisses work good for this), and give them out all day.  Standing on line at the bank, waiting for your bus, the 5 people you interact with every day, or even co-workers.  You’ll feel good about your random act of kindness, and you’ll be sure to make someone’s day.

10. Visit a sex shop! They’re awesome places filled with all kinds of sexy goodies.  Turn everything you can on, sample anything edible.  Sign up for a workshop if they offer them.  Ask questions you usually wouldn’t.  Brick and mortar stores are closing at a rapid rate due to online sales and wholesale establishments.  You should go see one while it is still open, just to say you have.

What? that last one had NO connection to me working in one. I swear it!  If I did, or was asked to do anything on this list I’d have a great day.  I hope you do too.

If not, then maybe this list has inspired you to do something else cheap and fun, I know the economy sucks but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun!

If all else fails, there’s always getting cool sex tips and NSFW pornhub.com and other sites like that.

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?  Still not doing anything?

How do you feel about the “holiday” ?

<3 Jane

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Posted on Feb 10, 2010 — Lifestyle / Movies & TV / Sex — 2 comments — Posted by Carlo

Slutty Halloween Costumes now make rule 34 on Sesame Street slightly safer.

As a preface: Rule 34

Gothamist told me (posted earlier) the following:

A costume shop has announced their new line of Sesame Street costumes featuring Big Bird, Cookie Monster and Elmo—all available in teen and women sizes.

Now it’s universally known how people look at lady costumes on Halloween, but these are actually not that bad!

The creepy part, now I wanna bang Elmo. (And eat some of cookie monsters cookies LOLOLOLOL)… (oh, it’s a sometimes food. I forgot.)

One more thought before I cap this post off with a photo of a gay orgy involving Sesame Street Characters, Why couldn’t they get sexy FEMALE characters? Is this a part of the continual emasculation of American men? Yes.

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