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WE HATE THE 2000s!: 2006

2006 is upon us here at WE HATE THE 2000s. This year is no exception to our rule. The 2000s really sucked ass. We had a terrible movie come out with Date Movie. The Mets blew any chance they had to get into the World Series, and some pretty crappy milestones in music. Take a look.

MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

Date Movie. WHAT THE GODDAMN FUCK! Here’s the first in a long long line of horrible parody movies by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. A retarded 7 year old could write a more believable plot with funnier dialogue. Don’t get me wrong; these guys are the worst thing to happen to film since Ted Turner tired to colorize classic Hollywood films but if they hired me I’d give up my soul and work for them in a second!

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

Floyd Landis of the USA, wins the Tour de France then fails a drug test and is forced to give up title.

In game 7 of the NLCS with the Mets down 3-1 in the bottom of the 9th, CF Carlos Beltran takes a called strike 3 with the bases loaded. Cardinals go on to win the World Series.

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

At the 2006 Consumer Electronics Show, Intel unveiled Viiv, their entry into the home media server market. Whats that? You don’t remember Viiv? That’s OK, we didn’t at first either. Viiv was and still is one of the biggest and most public technology flops of all time. Oh, and in case you happen to be wondering what exactly Viiv was, its a combination of cpu, chipset and network adapter that was supposed to be optimized for streaming media. Last time I checked any computer at the time was already able to do that. Hell, some coffee pots could too.

Next up, and also showcased at the 2006 CES, is the Sony Reader. This was one of the original eBooks, a little brother to the more grown up Amazon Kindle that followed a few years later. We chose the Reader as a fail for a number of reasons. For starters, it was vaporware for close to 10 months and also because once it actually went on sale, it sold less then 300,000 units in its 2 year run. Its impressive that Sony was so far ahead of the curve in 2006. The real issue is that they were just too far ahead. I mean who else besides nerdy Bill Gates would be out there buying one anyway?

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

Tomb Raider: Legend (Multi-platform) – More of Lara’s past revealed, then she goes gallivanting around the world. Now here lies the problem all the games feel exactly the same the graphics always look the same, but what really makes you not want to play or even buy this game is the fact that in all the years that they have been making the games they have YET TO FIX THE CAMERA!!! How lazy are you that the one KEY feature that everyone has complained about since the first game. I hate you Eidos and I hope you die or in this case go bankrupt because you suck.

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)

2006 was actually pretty awesome as many of my favorite videos were traced back to this year. If I had to hate anything, it would be that it was too good of a year… A baby panda scared it’s momma, and sneezed it way into our hearts. Leeroy Jenkins screwed his party, but at least he has his chicken. An angry German kid flips out over a computer (but who hasn’t). Edgar fell off a log much to his friend’s amusement. Bas Rutten teaches us the value of kicking someone in the nuts while defending yourself. And last, but not least, my favorite piece of video footage ever, of all time…

Editor’s Note: What is Wanda Sykes doing in Mobile, Alabama?? “MAYBE IT’S A CRACKHEAD!!!!” has to be quote of the century!

ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

In 2006, Stone Sour released the song “Through Glass” and had the balls to claim it as “independent of the cliche, corporate machine.” Said their lead singer a guy who’s name I didn’t care enough to learn:

“I was sitting in a European hotel room watching a music video channel, seeing act after act after act of this insane, innocuous, plastic music. They were more about the clothes they wore and the length of their cheekbones than it was about the content of the song they were singing. It really made me mad. I was like, is this it? Have we just gone full circle? Did the singer/songwriter revolution never happen? Is it just the same drivel from the same replicate over and over again? ‘Through Glass’ is really a very angry song. It’s me basically calling ‘bullshit’ on pretty much everyone involved with the ‘American Idol’-type shows. It has its place, but when you’re basically cornering the market and making it very hard for anyone who actually writes their own music to get ahead, then it’s wrong and that’s really why I wrote this song.”

A noble thought in all honesty…until you actually HEAR “Through Glass” where you are treated to roughly three minutes of Nickelback-inspired mainstream rock with more overproduction than Velvet Revolver and Hoobastank combined. Speaking of Mainstream, this song was #1 on the Mainstream Rock chart for SEVEN weeks off a label that, believe it or not, WAS ACTUALLY the same label AS Nickelback. In a year filled with bad EMO music, this song takes the cake for being both boring AND having a lack of whiny teens for me to laugh at.

Editor’s note: this band was sooo awful no one but Vin remembers they even existed. FACE!

POP (contributed by Lauren)

Three 6 Mafia became the first ever Rap group to ever win an Academy Award for Best Song and became the first ever hip-hop group to perform at the ceremony. The song was “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” and was on the Hustle & Flow soundtrack. Are you serious? Way to not even attempt to raise the bar? Oscar officials just needed them on the show so the “kids” would watch.

I cannot stand James Blunt. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but I can’t stand his music. I want to rip my hair out of my head when I hear his music, especially “You’re Beautiful“. This song made him become one of the first British artists to reach the Billboard Hot 100 with a number 1 single. The only other British singer to do this was Elton John 9 years earlier with his tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle In The Wind 1997“.

I am OBSESSED with American Idol. It’s like my guilty pleasure. I was SSSOOO angry this year when Taylor Hicks beat Katharine McPhee. Not like either of them are doing anything with their musical careers anyway, but it’s still the principle.

And I’m sorry ladies, it’s sad but true. Backstreet Boys member Kevin Richardson decided to leave the group to pursue other interests. What other interests do you have Mr. Richardson? Don’t you love hearing little girls scream your name while you are on stage?

Editor’s note: His other interests? Men! ZING!

TV (contributed by Chris)

Ok guys, listen up… So NoTORIous (see what they did there?) was Vh1s first original scripted comedy series. After giving up on music videos and finding mediocre success with reality shows Vh1 decided that they would go all in on Tori Spelling. Being Spelling is a terrible actress, they decided to have her play herself. In the sitcom, Tori had to deal with mind shatteringly boring issues like “How to deal with being the daughter of television producer Aaron Spelling. ::facepalm:: I fear for humanity.

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

Our representatives verbally molested young boys. Mark Foley, a congressman from Florida, resigned at the request of the House of Representatives, after records of sexually explicit messages sent to interns surfaced. Catholic priests, meanwhile, rubbed their eyes as the spotlight shifted. Who knew that the Internet could be such a useful device for perverts?

FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)

OMG IT’S 6/6/06! The world is going to end! We are going to be taken by the Devil.

Shut the fuck up.

Did you seriously think the world was going to end? Well, if you did your a idiot. How could you honestly believe that the world was going to end on 6/6/06? Just because it was the “Devil’s number”? Let me break it down for you the devils number is 666 not 6/6/06, if you remove the slashes you get 6606. How in the world is that the Devil’s number? Besides we all know that the world is going to end on 12/21/2012 just in time for my birthday. If you make it through the initial destruction (I know I will) and you see me make sure you wish me a Happy Birthday!

Posted on Feb 18, 2010 — Bizarre / Politics — No comments — Posted by Carlo

Winner of the Most Depressing Protest in the History of Protestsing Goes to these Guys

from News.MSN via Laughing Squid

Palestinian demonstrators have donned loin cloths and blue body paint in an Avatar-inspired protest.

The activists wore black wigs and long Na’vi tails as they tried to draw attention to their weekly action against Israel’s separation barrier.

One protestor was pictured wearing a plastic bag over his head after Israeli security forces fired tear gas on his party, while another posed with the Palestinian flag being held like an arrow in a tribal bow.

Okay, I’m not going to get into the whole Israel/Palestine debate here, but I’m pretty sure that this is the most ineffective protest ever. I don’t care what your cause is, comparing it to a (fictional) race of people that is having their homes, land, and resources taken away from them by a far advanced military source is flat out GHEY. I mean what do the Na’vi and Palestinians really have in common? oh wait, there’s a joke here….

What’s the difference between a Na’vi (from avatar) and a Palestinian? One has blue skin, and the other is a victim of genocide! (bah-dum cha!)

ANYWAYS here’s a video that really makes you think “What other excuse can I make up to dress like a Na’vi?”

Posted on Feb 16, 2010 — From the Web / Humor / Politics — No comments — Posted by Lauren

Joe the Plumber HATES McCain. WHAT??

In 2008, you couldn’t turn on your television without seeing the amount of press coverage the election was getting. For one, we were given two brand new candidates. President Bush’s term limits were over, unless he decided to change them last minute like Mayor Bloomberg did in New York, but we were also making history. If Obama got elected, which he did (Editors Note: thank God!!!!), then we would have the first African-American President.

Who could forget all the slandering Barack Obama and John McCain threw out at each other. Who did this while they were a Senator, who’s policies aren’t going to do well, and who is going to raise taxes. Blahh, blahh, blahh. One thing that many people remember coming from the Republican side is ‘Joe the Plumber’. This man was EVERYWHERE! Every five seconds coming out or McCain or Sarah Palins mouth was about this man. What was funny to me about this situation was that, IN MY OPINION, the Republicans don’t represent the average Joe-Shmo. So why would Republicans relate to a ‘Joe the Plumber’ anyway? The people who follow this party are usually wealthy Americans. Wouldn’t this have worked better for the Democrats? The middle-class people who actually work these jobs?

So we all know what ended up happening. Obama won, (yey!) and McCain went back to being Senator. Palin, hum, dropped her seat in office and is an author and is touring the world. What is wrong with you lady? Who wants to read a book about you? But what does ‘Joe the Plumber’ have to say about McCain and Palin now? Well, he absolutely hates them.

His real name is Sam Wurzelbacher and has harsh words about the former candidate. “I don’t owe him s—, He really screwed my life up is how I look at it.” He made these comments at a campaign event in Pennsylvania according to a reporter named Scott Detrow. “McCain was trying to use me,” Wurzelbacher said. “I happened to be the face of middle Americans. It was a ploy.” Also, McCain “is no public servant.” Sam hates McCain so much that he cannot bring himself to support fellow running mate Sarah Palin because she is also campaigning for McCain’s re-election.

Surprisingly, Wurzelbacher had some nice words to say about President Obama. He says that for the people who believed and still do believe that Obama wasn’t born here in the United States “belittle and set back” the conservative movement. (Editors Note: TAKE THAT!!!!) He also said that he appreciates Obamas straightforwardness: “I think his ideology is un-American, but he’s one of the more honest politicians. At least he told us what he wanted to do.”

Posted on Jan 22, 2010 — From the Web / Geek / Humor / Lifestyle / Movies & TV / Music / Politics / Science / Sports / We Hate The 2000s! — 3 comments — Posted by Lauren

WE HATE THE 2000s!: 2002

Another week, another suck fest. Week 3 of 10 has come and our staff is going to tell you everything stoopid about 2002.

MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

Collateral Damage made 2002 SUCK. Why? The movie was totally changed because of 9/11. The film was originally scheduled to be released on October 5, 2001 but it was postponed due to it’s terrorism theme and eventually released on Friday, February 8, 2002. Booooo. America really needed a pick-me-up and seeing Arnold hunt down that Osama fuck in a cave in Afghanistan would have surely put a smile on all of our faces.

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

A shit-show of a year, brought upon the mystery of what happened to Ted Williams remains (Carbonate?). The Baseball All-Star game ended in a tie. Why did this happen? Isn’t this game suppose to represent the best players of the MLB’s American League and National League? LET THEM PLAY! Speaking of baseball, there was ram-pat accusations of steroid use in the sport by the players.

Oh, and the Men’s USA World Championship team was TERRIBLE! Thanks guys, the Dream Team is rolling in their grave!

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

Possibly the biggest fail of the decade, the Segway PT was first announced in 2001, but wasn’t manufactured or sold until 2002. The company creating these stupid things projected sales for 2002 would exceed 40,000 units, while in reality they sold less then 5,000. In fact, by September of 2006, a total of only 23,500 had been sold worldwide, and ALL of them had to be recalled for a fault in the software that caused them to quickly go in reverse, throwing their rider off.

Good job Segway douches, not only did you completely over estimate the public want for a lame, over priced, two wheeled scooter, but it apparently took you over 4 years to fix a problem you knew about from the day it was released.

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

Grand Theft Auto III (PS2). This one is totally unfair to the game because I hate GTA, they haven’t upgraded the style since the first game and everything still looks blocky. A lot of the music is rap, and I hate rap. All the stories are pretty much the same. Christ, mix it up a bit a make the graphics better. Right now it’s at a 4 and it should be a 9. Stop being lazy! Also, change up the story. Make the main guy an undercover cop who ends up in too deep. Until the makes of this game changes things up a bit, they will forever remain on my worst game list.

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)
The single most irritating song/video combination became popular in 2002. Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Don’t get me wrong, it was cute the first, maybe, 3 times. But if I ever decide to willingly listen to/watch it I want you to promise me that you will kill me. Seriously, promise. Now, promise right now.

The only thing that might, MIGHT fix the irreparable damage that PBJT inflicted upon the web is the rise of a great warrior.

Oh, fuck you. This video got famous on Kazaa, a wretched spawn of Napster’s P2P. EVERYONE I KNOW got 400 viruses each that year. Except me, I’m not stupid. There was one sliver of silver lining in this year, the first ever Mentos and Diet Coke video was filmed for local morning television. Three years later it would be taped again, uploaded and made viral. Wait, that’s fucking stupid too. What year were the Pain Olympics again? Oh wait… SFW PORN debuts on Something Awful!!!

ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

In 2002, Rock become cut-off by the balls (in the mainstream anyway). “Artists” like Avril Lavigne and Good Charlotte were burning up the charts, further advancing the pussification of rock music as it moves towards the ultimate low of 2006, only a few short years away. With pop hooks injected into rock songs glossed over with more production than an L.A. Botox-job (ZING!), it would only be a matter of time before it would all come to a head.

POP (contributed by Lauren)

R. Kelly was arrested in 2002 and charged with 21 counts of having sexual intercourse with a minor after a videotape allegedly showing him engaged in sexual acts with an under aged girl got leaked into the internet.

Editor’s note: HAWT!!

Christina Aguilera released her second studio album entitled Stripped and made its debut at number two on Billboards 200 chart. It sold over 330,000 copies in it’s first week of sales. Her first single off the track was entitled Dirrty and it’s music video was surrounded with a lot of controversy. Just look at her in this video, she definitely has the right title for her look.

Editors note: LAUREN LOVES CHRISTINA AGUILERA!

HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)

2002 had a long list of terrible songs there literally are too many to choose from. In my opinion, these 3 songs are the worst songs of that year. Nelly – “Hot In Herre” was it really “Hot in Herre”? No. No it wasn’t. It was rather chilly as a mater of fact. If you danced to this song in 2002, you have no taste.

Tweet f. Missy Elliott – Oops (Oh My). Tweet would became a popular term for communication in 2006 but in 2002 Tweet gave us this one hit wonder featuring Missy Elliott. Oops there goes tweets career. Khia - My Neck, My Back (Lick It). I think Khia single handedly made analingus the phenomenon it is today. Khia’s chorus goes “my neck, my back lick my pussy and my crack (repeat 4x)”.

Editor’s note: 1 word – romantic

TV (contributed by Chris)

Now, I could make fun of American Idol because this was the year it took flight, but it’s iconic American status and popularity led me in a different direction. I could make jokes at the expense of The Jamie Kennedy experiment, an experiment to see if Punk’d would work if Jamie Kennedy replaced Ashton Kutcher… It wouldn’t. I could also cry you a river about the end of an era as The X-Files was broadcast for the last time in 2002, but by then it was already dead with David Duchovny well on his way towards a role as Hank Moody on Showtime’s Californication.

2002 really wasn’t all that bad in terms of T.V. except for one glaring weak moment. FOX decided that after 3 seasons of random un-notified time slot changes, hiatuses and putting the show in direct competition with juggernauts Survivor and Friends, Family Guy had nothing left in the tank…done…washed up… finito…for good. So the brilliant media people they were shitcanned the thing and decided that the following shows were more worthwhile:

“Dark Angel”, “Titus”, “Undeclared”, “Action”, “That ’80s Show”, “Wonder Falls”, “Fastlane”, “Andy Richter Controls the Universe”, “Skin”, “Girls Club”, “Cracking Up”, “The Pitts”, “Firefly”, “Get Real”, “Freaky Links”, “Wanda at Large”, “Costello”, “The Lone Gunmen”, “A Minute with Stan Hooper”, “Normal, Ohio”, “Pasadena”, “Harsh Realm”, “Keen Eddie”, “The Street”, “American Embassy”, “Cedric the Entertainer”, “The Tick”, “Luis”, and “Greg the Bunny”.

ASSHATS.

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

The economy suffers an economic recession at the hands of schizophrenic stock markets, the avarice of sociopath’s corporations, and the oozing puss of the “dot-com” bubble that burst two years earlier and inevitably spelled the demise of the Internet. Sure, nobody used computers again after that, but Alan Greenspan, the Federal Reserve chairman, reassured us that the huge demands in the housing market meant the United States would avoid another recession. Phew! That was a relief…

FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)

Patriotism, the entire year is soaked in it. Everybody either had a flag on their front lawn, car, shirt, pants, hat and anywhere else you could put an American flag. If someone didn’t have a flag they had one of these on the back window of their car.

The country went uber-patriotic and changed classics to something new. For example “French Fries” were changed to “Freedom Fries” because if you ate “French Fries” you were unpatriotic. We loved it as a nation. We had so much freedom and patriotism we didn’t know what to do with ourselves. Don’t worry the government did and they decided to help. The American people were so caught up in patriotism mania that the government had to start restricting the amount of people allowed to meet in one place, your right to have a phone conversation, and even your right to show how much more patriotic you are than your neighbor. It was just getting out of hand honestly everybody adorning their homes with the red, white and blue to show that they were just as patriotic as Texas.

Posted on Jan 15, 2010 — Geek / Humor / Lifestyle / Movies & TV / Music / Politics / Science / Sex / Sports / We Hate The 2000s! — No comments — Posted by Lauren

WE HATE THE 2000s!: 2001

Welcome to DAPS’ We Hate The 2000s. Over the first 9 weeks of 2010, our crack staff (no not our staff on crack) will leave no stone unturned as we tell you everything that we HATED about the first decade of the 21st century.

MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

The Animal starred Rob Schneider and Colleen Haskell. Who is Colleen Haskell you ask? Well she became popular by appearing on the very first season of Survivor.. which some how lead to her being the leading lady in this pile o’ shit. By the way, she hasn’t acted since. That speaks volumes of this whole project. Something else to note, this was the beginning movie in a series of movies where Rob Schneider changed from something “normal” to something “not normal”. I’ll let South Park explain:

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

This year we saw Sevilla soccer player, Francisco Gallardo, congratulate his teammate by biting him on the wang. And the rest of the world wonders why Americans don’t like soccer. Real football like the XFL was cool tho, yep that happened in 2001.

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

We present to you the Kodak mc3. The height of technology in 2001. It was a camera, a video recorder, and an mp3 player all in one! WHAT! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!1!! Seriously though, back then, this was a big deal. Cellphones were only just starting to get cameras worth using. The best part is that the only worthwhile part of this POS was the mp3 player! But then again you could only put about 5 mp3s on it before it was full. So I hope you really like those 5 songs. To recap, Kodak (the CAMERA AND FILM company) released two shitty cameras and one awesome music player in one! Go Kodak! Way to be ready for the era of hybrid gadgeteering!

Also, Internet Explorer 6 was released. Internet Explorer 6 was the ideal web browser for Yahoo! searches, checking your Hotmail, and getting every fucking virus the internet had to offer! All in one browser?! How convenient! It was slow as shit, and rendered websites to look like ass! I say it “was”, but sadly, IE6 is still being used pretty widely! WHYYY?! As a web designer, I can tell you that getting things to work in IE6 is as easy and sensible as breaking into a car using a wet noodle. Don’t take just my word for it, these guys think so too! http://www.ie6nomore.com/

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

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Kabuki Warriors was released for the XBOX shortly after the console itself was released. It is still one of the worst reviewed game ever. Game Informer gave it a .5. In his review, editor Andy McNamara commented “I literally won a match just by bashing the controller against my ass. I wish I was joking, but the score is seriously Kabuki Warrior zero, my ass one.” GameSpot however was a little more generous with a score of 1.4 out of 10. (I recently saw this game for sale on amazon for $.16 still not a good deal).

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)

Warning: all links are probably NSFW.

The internet in 2001 sucked. First off shitty, shitty, memes like ROFLcopter and “All your Base” began getting popular, allowing families to finally find a way to connect to their teenage sons. This would later allow a bunch a herbs to feel like they are l337 when they read about it on some crappy website 8 years later (irony?). Then Napster got shut down for how their patrons used their software. Also, Wikipedia is born, and graduation rates tripled (only to decline again after people realized that half the stuff on wikipedia is made up). The biggest fails of the year are Randy Constan getting internet famous for being a fucking freak with a Peter Pan fetish (who actually launched his site in the late 90s), and the 9/11 conspiracy site boom (of which I still read many).

Rock (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

9/11 ruined the last quarter of 2001. The year was going pretty fucking smooth until then. Pop-Rock was pepping up the charts, Tupac was releasing albums from beyond the grave, Experimental electronic was giving rise to further musical experimentation and expression. There was a certain equilibrium in the air. Then those fucking terrorists fucked everything fucking up (fuck). For the rest of the year “Freedom-Rock” ruled the airwaves. Tobey Keith was putting metaphorical boots in people’s asses and even Paul McCartney was singing songs of freedom. Some suggest that this led to the rise the past ten years of Country music selling big $$$. Thanks a lot Bin Laden; By the way, what ever happened to you anyway?

POP (contributed by Lauren)

Since there was so much hype, this band that started up again with only 1 original member, can certainly be considered Pop music. That’s right, I’m talking about Guns N’ Roses. Don’t get me wrong, they are one of my favorite all time rock bands, but this year, they came back just a little too strong. They played their first show at The House of Blues.

Editors note: they look like a bunch of Trannies.

You know what song was really annoying? “Lady Marmalade.” The song went to number one on the charts and won a MTV Video Music Award for Video of the Year. WHAT? Ladies dancing around in their underwear asking men to come to bed with them was a hit? What the hell am I doing wrong?

Jennifer Lopez just kept getting bigger and bigger in the 2000’s. But in 2001, she made history. She became the first female artist ever to have both a number 1 movie with The Wedding Planner and number 1 album J.Lo. I don’t think we should let too many pop singers do this anymore. I mean, who the hell wants to see Britney Spears in a movie?

HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)

As i thought back and searched these songs, I just shook my head in disgust at 2001. The year was plain terrible. Afroman, “Because I got high“? Terrible. P Diddy “Bad Boy For Life“? Terrible. and Nelly’s “Ride wit me” TERRIBLE!

These songs were all in heavy rotation on TRL. Remember TRL? Of course you do…. These were some of the songs Carson Daly enjoyed. Blame him, cause I do.

TV (contributed by Chris)

accordingtojim

Three words come to mind when I think of shows that ‘01 gave us: According. To. Jim. GAHHH!! O.K, Courtney Thorne Smith is kinda hot, and that brunette on the show wasn’t hard to look at either. They were however, the sugar which makes the medicine go down. To be honest, I LOVED Mr. Bellushi in “Mr. Destiny”, but the man never came close to doing anything else worthwhile enough to earn his own sitcom. You might be asking, “So, who deserved a sitcom more than Jim “The untalented brother who lived” Bellushi?” Three more words come to mind: The. Norm. Show…

That’s right, 2001 was the last time that you could see the comic genius of Norm MacDonald on the small screen (or anywhere else for that matter) This makes me incredibly sad. The T.V. gods also decided enough was enough for these gems: Baywatch, Walker Texas Ranger, and Mr. Rogers GOD DAMNED Neighborhood. So sad, sooo sad.

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

Sorry, everyone is expecting a September 11th joke here. But it’s not going to happen. Shit! It just happened. In an attempt to prevent further terrorist attacks, the United States Congress signs the USA PATRIOT ACT into law. With that law, the government can―and probably is―searching through your Internet, telephone and medical records. They’re probably monitoring your every move as we speak…on this web site…right now.

FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)

Bratz dolls hit the scene this year. Though Bratz mania wouldn’t be in full effect till a few years later, it all started this year. That was a sad day indeed.

Don’t forget about the breakout of the infomercial stars. The two most notable people would have to be Billy Mays and Vince “ShamWow Guy” Shlomi or Vince “I beat up prostitutes” Shlomi. Both of these men found their stardom in tricking old people and stoners that the Grip Wrench would really make opening that jar of pickles easy. Way to go guys!! Now all those old people who are living on the streets from purchasing all of your crap can use their ShamWows to clean my windows at a red-light for that shiny quarter.

To Leave you, here’s Billy’s very first Oxi Clean commercial from 2001, “Long live your laundry” Thanks Billy!

Posted on Jan 13, 2010 — Bizarre / Categories / Humor / Lifestyle / Politics / Press / Uncategorized / Words — 1 comment — Posted by Phil Unofficial

Why Can’t More Politicians Be Like This?

It certainly would make voting more interesting……

You can’t tell me this mother fucker wasn’t a samurai in a past life.

Posted on Jan 08, 2010 — From the Web / Geek / Humor / Lifestyle / Movies & TV / Music / Politics / Science / Sex / Sports / The List / We Hate The 2000s! — 4 comments — Posted by Lauren

WE HATE THE 2000s!: 2000

Welcome to DAPS’ We Hate The 2000s. Over the next 10 weeks, our crack staff will leave no stone unturned as they tell you everything that they HATED about the first decade of the 21st century.

MOVIES (contributed by Daye)

Pay It Forward. The complete and utter failure of this movie makes me giggle sooo much!! Just by watching the trailer you can tell the producers had their eyes set on an “OSCAR”. “Oscar winner Kevin Spacey; Oscar Winner Helen Hunt; Oscar Nominee Haley Joel Osment”. How could it not win an OSCAR?? The movie didn’t even break even. HAHAHAHA.

SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)

Hey remember when Roger Clemens threw a bat at Mike Piazza in the world series, claiming it was a ball? Or how about when Montreal Canadians’ Trent McCleary took a puck to his throat, collapsing his larynx and almost dying? Both events started something; 1) Steroids at the forefront of sports and 2) The pussification of hockey.

TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)

Released in 2000, Amstrad introduced the “Em@iler” Telephone. You would use the cleverly named device on a pay-as-you-go basis. The Em@iler featured an tiny LCD screen and keyboard for something that could be considered functional use, and allowed you to text message, make phone calls, access the internet and obviously check your e-mail all from one machine. The device was something of a money hogger. Not only did you have to pay to use it, but you also had to endure advertisements on the already hard to look at screen.

Editor’s Note: YUCK; This stupid thing looks like a retarded Rosie from the Jetsons.

On November 20, 2000, Intel introduced the Pentium 4, a single-core desktop and laptop CPU. This processor was their answer to AMD’s Athlon line of CPU’s released a little over a year prior. There was just one problem, AMD’s year old technology beat Intel’s brand new cores in every way imaginable, including the price.

GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)

Earthworm Jim 3D (for PC, N64) Was based on the cartoon series (which by the time of it’s release had been off the air for 3 years) and due to poor camera angles, and a lack of classic Earthworm Jim humor, was a failure. The game featured villains Psy-Crow and Professor Monkey-For-A-Head. Evil the Cat was supposed to be in the game but was replaced by Professor Monkey-For-A-Head at the last minute, although Evil was still featured on the box art. A version was slated for Playstation, but was unexpectedly cancelled. During it’s ungodly long development cycle, EJ 3D changed publishers 7 times! At almost 3/4 done, all the characters had to be redesigned for 3D and this cause poor animation and a lot of frame-rate issues. Reviewers still said it was a pretty solid plat-former, but I say nay. This game was horrible. I love Earthworm Jim more than the other games it “borrowed” game play from like Banjo-Kazooie and Super Mario 64.

INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)

2000 (or Y2K if you are an overly nervous fear monger) was pretty important in terms of the internet sucking. For one, AOL took over Time Warner which, in hindsight, was a retarded move (on both parties). This was scary because the worlds worst internet provider was in bed with the worlds worst cable provider. TELECOM ACT OF 96 FTW!!! Speaking of giant corporations, Microsoft was declared a monopoly (on my 16th birthday) because of it’s unethical shoving of a sub-par (even at the time) internet browser down everyone in the free worlds throats ensuring multiple aneurysms for web developers to present day. Pets.com also folded, which was a huge marker for the entire dot-com industry to come crashing down to ruins. (Think the current financial crisis, but instead of slimy money guys on Wall Street, it was greasy nerds in Silicon Valley.) The BIG story in my opinion is the fact that Napster was at it’s peak. EVERYONE was stealing music. Seriously, it even made Metallica’s butthurt. Illegal downloading is usually a win in my book, but the Napster model was so bad (P2P) that a dozen clones came from it, all with equally shitty tech. P2P would not reach it’s final form until much later when torrents become popular. Also, Nupedia.com was created, this later became Wikipedia, or as I call it, “High School Education Getter.” OH WAIT! The “first viral video EVER” was created and distributed via the internet; “405″ a 3 minute film about a plane or something. Why is that bad? because it sucked. I was getting womanblowszebraandtakesloadingface.avi back in ‘96 so fuck y’all!

MUSIC

ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)

The decade started-off with David Crosby fathering Melissa Etheridge’s baby. ::shivers:: Gross. In April, Metallica sues Napster for giving-away artist’s music (Later this decade they also copyright a musical note, so this is just the beginning). Setting a horrible tone for the decade at large, Limp Bizkit release “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water” selling over a million copies in it’s first week of release, a new record for a rock album at the time (So the next time someone says music was better pre-9/11, you can prove them wrong).

POP (contributed by Lauren)

Sad but true, Geri Halliwell, announced she was leaving the Spice Girls for good, though she came back to the group later in the decade for a world tour. Speaking of terrible pop music, *NSYNC broke a Billboard record with a 2.4 million debut of No Strings Attached, which was the first album ever to sell over 800,000 copies in at least 2 weeks. And that girl in the school-girl outfit, Britney Spears, her second terrible album Oops!… I Did It Again sold 1.3 million copies in its debut week and 500,000 copies on the first day. It made her, at the time, the only solo artist to break that record in U.S. history. And if that doesn’t make you hate pop music from the year 2000, they gave Mariah Carey an award for best selling female artist of the millennium. God, I hate her.

HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)

The Baha Men came out with “Who Let The Dogs Out.” This is Chris’ favorite song. Sisqo had a hit single with “The Thong Song.” The only good thing about this song was that chicks would expose their thongs on the dance floor. You knew who would go home with you at the end of the night when this song played. Shaggy came out with “It Wasn’t Me.” It wasn’t me who made this song popular, it was you America.

TV (contributed by Chris)

The same year which began with David Letterman suffering from a massive coronary, also gave birth to shows such as “Yes, Dear,” and “The Gilmore Girls.” Not even the Cartoon Network debuting the idea of Adult Swim could counteract the fact that in 2000, millions of dollars were spent on a series whose concept was, “Hey, what would it be like if Kramer (from Seinfeld) was a private eye!” If that’s not enough to convince you to hate television in 2000, let us not forget it was the year that took the last breaths from the surviving children on “Party of Five.” Goodnight Sweet Prince: Bailey Salinger :(

POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)

The citizens of the United States elected Al Gore as the 43rd President, but the Supreme Court picked George W. Bush as our leader. Though Gore won by popular vote by half a million people, the intellectuals in the old Electoral College cast their favor for their old Harvard pal Bush, naturally because he is one of the single greatest thinkers of our time.

FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)

When we look back on the year 2000, which fad/trend sticks out the most? Well, that would have to be Big Mouth Billy Bass. That’s right. The animatronic fish that would sing “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” This thing was entertaining for all of 10 seconds. Seriously, anyone who bought this as a gift for someone or for themselves, I am deeply disappointed in you and your intelligence.

Posted on Dec 30, 2009 — From the Web / Movies & TV / Music / Politics / Sports — 1 comment — Posted by chris

The Decade in 7 Minutes.. For Those Of You Who Lived Under Rocks.

Thanks to Newsweek trying to be cool on Facebook, we’re graced with the existence of “The Decade in 7 Minutes” As an advocate for those with ADD, I approve… But they did forget LOST. How could they forget LOST? WTF Newsweek? Hey Goober, where’s the LOST?

Who knew that Wazzuppppp was in the 2000s?

Oh, and what did they forget?

Posted on Dec 10, 2009 — Philosophy / Politics / Words — 3 comments — Posted by Drew

Obama Nobel Peace Prize or Nobel Warmonger Prize?

Recently President Obama traveled to Oslo to receive his Nobel Peace Prize. He joins the rank of such people as Al Gore, Nelson Mandela, and the 14th Dalai Lama to name a few. What was surprising to most people was the acceptance speech that Obama gave. You would think the main reason they gave President Obama the award, even though he has only been in office for less than year, was because of his opposite views as former President Bush.

However, it seems based on his speech that Obama has a little Bush in him. Here are a couple of quotes (courtesy of cbsnews.com):

“Evil does exist in the world,” Mr. Obama said as part of a long argument in favor of the concept of a “just war.”

The president said there are times when “the use of force [is] not only necessary but morally justified”; he argued that he “cannot stand idle in the face of threats to the American people.”

He also made the case for American exceptionalism.

America, he said, “has helped underwrite global security for more than six decades with the blood of our citizens and the strength of our arms.”

“We have borne this burden not because we seek to impose our will,” said Mr. Obama. “We have done so out of enlightened self-interest — because we seek a better future for our children and grandchildren, and we believe that their lives will be better if others’ children and grandchildren can live in freedom and prosperity.”

….

“A non-violent movement could not have halted Hitler’s armies,” said Mr. Obama. “Negotiations cannot convince al Qaeda’s leaders to lay down their arms. To say that force may sometimes be necessary is not a call to cynicism — it is a recognition of history; the imperfections of man and the limits of reason.”

….

“I understand why war is not popular, but I also know this: The belief that peace is desirable is rarely enough to achieve it,” he said. “Peace requires responsibility. Peace entails sacrifice. That’s why NATO continues to be indispensable. That’s why we must strengthen U.N. and regional peacekeeping, and not leave the task to a few countries.”

He added: “America alone cannot secure the peace.”

Isn’t it a little early to be giving a guy who has only been in office for about 11 months a Nobel Peace Prize? I mean seriously what has he done to deserve this? He has not pulled troops out of anywhere. He has just announced he’s sending more troops to Afghanistan. There is no way that President Obama deserved to win the Nobel Peace Prize this year.

Tell me what Obama has done to earn this? Please enlighten me because from his speech he’s basically asking the rest of the world to join the United States in our fightin’ round the world.

Posted on Dec 07, 2009 — FMK / Politics / Sex — 1 comment — Posted by JaneBlow

TIME TO PLAY F**K – MARRY – KILL: U.S. Presidents

For those not following the game so far …FMK could be torture, but it is all in good fun. It was made famous by Howard Stern and movies like Step Brothers and it is called “FUCK – MARRY- KILL”. Basically, we give you a Trio of People, and out of the three you have to pick one to Fuck, another to Marry, and the other you have to Kill.

You knew this was coming, it was only a matter of time. Here it is!

Pick out a family dog and wipe the stain off your dress – Time to Play FMK!

Women: Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Pat Nixon.