My favorite part? We finally get to see bald Hulk. lolololololol Time’s a BITCH!

Not the best camera angle there Hulk…..

He’s making a ton of videos. Well 4. But that’s 4 too much.

If you have a question, BROTHER, he’s @replying EVERYONE/ANYONE.

DO IT!

Yesterday I read a post from Jezebel that calls out AskMen.com for some shitty advice the gave out in their List of “10 Ways To Tease Her and Make Her Crazy For You“. At first I was like, “oh geez, this is gonna be some anti-macho crap where they are looking out for women and stuff” but then I read on and realized that the advice is genuinely awful.

Here’s the pitch:

How can you be different from the truck loads of boring guys the woman you want has gone out with in the past? One way is to learn how to tease her in exactly the right way — a way that shows her that you are confident, funny and, of course, a challenge. Or, to put it simply, just the kind of guy she’d love to see again. Here are 10 powerful ways to tease a woman and make her crazy for you.

So this looks promising, especially for guys who are complete social morons (like 85% of my friends lol). But let’s look at this advice a little closer…

Now let’s remember the goal is to meet women by teasing them. Teasing them like a 4th grader would. I SHIT YOU NOT.

10 – Bust her on her jokes. – What they want you to take from this lesson is that it’s 100% fine, and even sexy that you tell her how unfunny she is. She doesn’t get any slack! If your bros get called out for shitty jokes, why shouldn’t this stupid broad?

9 – When she asks stupid questions, give stupid answers. – LOL while we all know that women ONLY ask stupid questions, the real key is to be able to filter through that and give a decent response. Because then you create the illusion of communicating, which women like or something.

8 – Slap her hand. – When she does something “naughty” these people want you to take her hand and slap it. Which I guess they think is sexy, but in reality it’s fucking creepy. Seriously fucking creepy.

7 – Say whatever is mean, playfully. – Here is another license to be a dick. Just say it jokingly and you can call her mother a fat slob and that you are worried she’ll look the same way in 15 years!

6 – “Let me guess: you weigh… 345.” – It’s a great idea to play up on a woman’s insecurity, especially when you just met her. The idea here is to compliment them behind an insult, proving to her that you are a man-child with no confidence to actually just compliment her.

5 – Disqualify her by age. – LOL this one is awful. You are supposed to either claim you can’t date them because they are too young or too old, so you look like you are breaking some kind of rule you have by talking to them (but it’s a joke remember?).

4 – Be sarcastic. – Great idea, do your best David Spade impression. That’ll win over all the ladies. What is this the mid-nineties? how is sarcasm still considered funny/clever?

3 – “I don’t think this is going to work out.” – Perfect. A fake breakup. This will more likely open the door for a real breakup, from her.

2 – “You just lost a point.” – I have friends that do this shit and it is so fucking lame. Seriously, don’t ever create a silly points system for a woman to live up to, they NEVER play along and you look like a complete tool.

1 – Delivery is key. – Moar like DiGiorno with these tips, amirite?

I gotta be honest, humor is really important to women, but not at their expense. If you can’t have a genuine conversation with a chick, any chick, then making fun of her won’t ever, ever, make up for the fact that you are a loser with no people skills. If you attempt any of these tips in real life, you will look like a little kid with zero confidence or self-worth because you have nothing real to say.

Now I’m not going to say you should have super serious convos, but take the convo seriously and feel free to sprinkle in actual humor. Women DO NOT like to be made fun of, ever. And if you are not funny, please, don’t worry. Just relax and be yourself.

But then again, if you are getting dating tips from a website/magazine, then you should probably just sterilize yourself now, because there is probably no hope anyway.

1 word: PIMP. He’s the mother-fuckin’ P-I-M-P!

Oh I forgot to mention he raps. Yep. RAPS. It’s sooooooooo fucking awful it makes me want them to shut down music. “Nope you can’t create anything musical anymore Louis Tully ruined it for us all“.

Remember once you see it you can’t un-see it…

Embedding disabled by request UUUUUUUUHHG the internets hates me.

Click to watch

Good boy!

If you’re a culprit of this trend…cut it out. That look isn’t cool. At all. In fact, it’s extremely juvenile. Are you 15 years old? A plain shirt will usually work wonders in any setting. Shirts with silly catch phrases or dumb graphics just make everybody hate you. And it’s not a jealous type of hate. It’s a “maaan, that guy is such a loser” kind of hate. You’re trying too hard. Put on some adult clothes and grow up.

“Hey man! I have a really huge cock!” Whatever.

While his latest drunk exploit wasn’t centered on his hatred of Sarah Palin we do learn that he LOOOOOVES the jews. Which should help him out nicely with future acting gigs.

Check out the funny:

Also if your not cool like me and missed his EPIC Sarah Palin rant earlier this summer, I found it for you. Prepare to LAUGH:

Why would you beat your meat in front of everybody? Was it that necessary? Oh, it’s your freedom, nvrmind.

via yasrsly

God I hate the news. BOOOOOOOORING! Blah blah blah Hurricane Earl is coming. (Stupid Wolf Blitzer with his stupid name and not allowing youtube embedding)

But big thanks to NASA for showing the average Joe aka me the awesome power of hurricanes from near Earth Orbit. RESPEK. Is there anything they can’t do…..? Warp drive… Come on eggheads get back to me.

First up is actual full motion 720p video from the International Space Station:

Next we have pictures; glorious high resolution pictures… from space:

Breathtaking isn’t it?

]]> http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/nasa-makes-hurricane-earl-more-awesomer/feed 0 http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/nike-just-got-beat-in-the-self-lacing-sneaker-game http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/nike-just-got-beat-in-the-self-lacing-sneaker-game#comments Tue, 31 Aug 2010 16:30:41 +0000 Carlo http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/?p=16881 As I’m sure you know by now, Nike was granted a patent for the Back to the Future inspired self lacing sneakers, well back in Julk a small company called Power Laces built a bulky prototype and now it seems like they’ve come damn near close to mastering the process.

Holy shit.

So the question, for me, is do I wait until Nike makes these so I can spend $200 on a pair, or do I donate to this Power Laces project so that I don’t have to worry about supporting horrific child labor practices in Malaysia.

Either way, You know Nike is gonna buy these fuckers out real quick.

But in all reality, I’d never, ever buy a pair of these sneakers because let’s face it, I’m really just not that into Back to the Future.

via CrunchGear

Today I will attempt to break the record for the Fastest Time To Bring Handcuffed Hands From Back Of Body To Front.

Here’s the criteria:

• wrists must be secured in standard chain-link handcuffs (hinged handcuffs not permitted)
• cuffs may be padded to avoid hurting wrists
• handcuffs must be locked
• wrists must be below waist when timing starts
• timing stops when wrists are in front of waist

The current record is held by cutie Erica Lutz from Brooklyn, NY with a time of 4.1 seconds. In a trial run I self-counted 3 seconds flat… so I’m pretty confident.

Here’s her performance:

::shooting video and uploading my own results::

Okay so I CRUSHED that record with a 2.53 second showing. I’m the frickin man!

DANG IT – It’s Pending. I’ll let you know when it’s official that I own the record.

UPDATE: I AM THE CHAMPION!!!!!

I love it when a pretty girl wears a nice dress, but nowadays, too many hip dresses are plagued with bulky pads. Hay gurls, what’s so cool about having broad shoulders? That shit’s terrifying. Lotsa linebacker looking hoes are hittin’ the streets. No good. Rip em out and rock those dresses shoulder pad free, plz.

Here’s the list: he is currently attending Columbia University’s MFA writing program, NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for filmmaking, Brooklyn College for fiction writing and then traveling to North Carolina’s Warren Wilson College for poetry. This fall he will also be attending Yale’s Ph.D. program in English and not to be considered a slacker also the Rhode Island School of Design.

WTF! That’s 6 different colleges. How can a human being accomplish all this? Sam Anderson from New York Magazine wrote a great expose on Franco and he believes:

According to everyone I spoke with, Franco has an unusually high metabolism for productivity. He seems to suffer, or to benefit, from the opposite of ADHD: a superhuman ability to focus that allows him to shuttle quickly between projects and to read happily in the midst of chaos. He hates wasting time—a category that includes, for him, sleeping.

WOWOWOWOW.

I can’t say enough GREAT things about that article. It’s a fascinating chronicle of the hectic life Franco is leading. But the real question becomes why is he doing all this? Is he really interested in accumulating knowledge or is it all an elaborate real life performance piece.

Anderson puts it best:

Is he genuinely trying to improve himself or is he just messing with us—using celebrity itself as the raw material for some kind of public prank?

I’m going with the latter. People were genuinely confused and down right dumbfounded when Franco in the middle of all this schooling decided to take a part on the soap opera General Hospital.

Franco’s General Hospital character is a transparent soap-world portrait of Franco himself: a dashing multimedia artist (graffiti, photography, performance art) named “Franco” who sweeps into town and fascinates, angers, seduces, and generally confuses everyone around him. Like Franco, “Franco” is obsessed with art that crosses over into reality: He re-creates, in galleries, actual crime scenes—until eventually the people of Port Charles come to suspect that he might be a murderer himself.

Franco plays “Franco” with deliciously campy intensity. He unleashes the full soap-opera repertoire: brooding stares, sudden outbursts, feverish make-out sessions, deadpan quips. (“Keep the change,” he says, flipping a quarter onto a corpse.) His story arc will culminate, this month, in a very special episode set in the Museum of Contemporary Art in L.A., at which “Franco” will stage an art show that doubles as some kind of explosive evil-genius doomsday scenario. Franco himself, the real human, is also going to have a show at MoCA this summer based on his experience on General Hospital. (He brought a camera crew along to film the filming of the episodes.)

Check out the whole article. It’s a fascinating read: The James Franco Project

The Iranian Research Organization for Science and Technology is directly connected to the Iranian Government. Aside from evaluating and advising policy makers on science and technology issues, the largest research outfit in the country also provides a warez server where Photoshop, MS Office and many other applications can be downloaded for free, totally legal thanks to Iran’s lenient copyright policy.

We now have a ligament reason to invade Iran!! First they’re enriching Uranium and now they’re offering our patriotic American computer programs to their citizens FOR FREE. They can’t pwn the US like this.

I went to DAPS’ very own technology guru loberman for comment:

really it just sounds like arrogance, its kind of a we didn’t make this so why should we care about it mind set.
china takes that stance on software a lot also.

Yeah I don’t really understand what he means either. But I do know there’s only one thing left to do…. Send in the Hackers Angelina Jolie and Matthew Lillard and HACK THE PLANET!!!

via torrentfreak

I think wearing a Snazzy Napper is a sure sign of extremism. It promotes the archaic ideal that people who sleep in pubic are less-than as their true identities are being hidden behind a veil of secrecy. Which brings me to my next point…

How am I supposed to know that the sleeper behind the Snazzy Napper is even really sleeping? You’d never be able to know! For all I now, every single person wearing a Snazzy Napper is awake, spitting on the very trust they ask of us by wearing it in the first place.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I think of America, I don’t see millions of people, sleeping in public behind a silly looking garb. I see good old fashioned awakeness and honesty. And don’t give me that “free country” shit because it’s people like the Snazzy Nappers that are threatening the very fiber of our great nation.

Also ban the Ground Zero Mosque.

via yasrsly

This is one of those products.

What happens next is a magic numbers game devised by ruthless companies like Guthy-Renker and such. They see this proposal video, figure out how much it will cost to produce, and sell 500,000 units to complete morons, and cut a pittance check for the hapless inventor. The inventor, if he/she is business savvy, will hold out for a percentage of the sales, which, if the product is popular, will pay off big time.

When it comes to the Stashitwear, I don’t see this getting more than some lulzy posts on the internet blogodromosphere. Unless there is some weird niche market I’m missing out on? Oh wait!

You know what? I would buy a few pairs of this, because I, like many jobless schleps who sit on their computer all day, don’t wear clothing until about 6pm. There have been many times I put my phone or smokes in my drawers, so I can carry a DiGiorno Pizza back to my desk. A POCKET WOULD BE BETTER!

Hot damn, I’ll take 4 pairs.

BTW: The XL size can hold a 67 oz bottle of soda. INSANE.

via URLesque

Forget Bosnia, I’m moving to Colorado.

No, but seriously folks, this is kind of depressing… and inaccurate. If you are really interested in Age of Consent laws worldwide, check out this shady “research site”…. Bosnia is looking good again, LOLZORS.

via The Daily What

I bet you can’t even begin to guess what Mr. Shake Hands Man gimmick is…

Mr. Shake Hands Man (played by Japanese-American actor Tadao Tomomatsu), has to maintain a handshake with a celebrity for as long as possible.

Lets see how long he can shake Mr. Bill Murray’s hand during an interview.

It’s HILARIOUS and guaranteed to help you get rid of your case of Mondays.

Because space fascinates me and pretty much anything NASA is working on is pretty sick. So when I saw a video of the Space Shuttle’s solid rocket booster separating from the Shuttle and then falling beautifully back to Earth I knew I had to share it.

NERD STATS:

This video was shot during Space Shuttle mission STS-124 which took place from May 31 to June 14 2008.

Neat huh? For an even better experience turn off the sound and listen to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

- via thedailywh

]]> http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/have-you-ever-thought-what-it-would-be-like-to-fall-to-earth-from-space/feed 0 http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/flams-fashion-fail-boat-shoes http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/flams-fashion-fail-boat-shoes#comments Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:00:19 +0000 FLAM http://dogandponyshowwebsite.com/?p=16438 Boat shoes are super lame. They are for nerds. Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkin’ hipsters wear them because it’s cool to do. But they’re pretty ugly and uncool. I’m not really sure why it’s hip to look like an old fart. My asshole grandfather wears these shoes. I guess he’s the man. Maybe lotsa slutty alt chixxxx wanna fellate his diznik due to his fancy footwear?

Shout out to Mike Shane for reminding me of my dislike towards “hipster ass boat shoes”.

Sick collection, dude

Typical bike riding, boat shoe wearing hipster dickhead. H8

I love your music bro, but the boat shoes gotta gtfo of here.

This is the worst greatest redneck country pro-American hack song against the mosque that ever was created ever.

Cheesy graphics and effects… check.

Horribly simplistic lyrics… check. Though the hook is going to be stuck in your head for the rest of your life. “We’ve Got To Stoooooop The Mosque At Ground Zero”

Let the shit storm begin in 3…2…1

Spotted this morning at 41 Grand Street in Manhattan: an incredibly dangerous looking homemade slip n’ slide! This is apparently part of Recess Art’s Wet Slipper installation, where visitors are told they should be prepared to shed their street clothes and don a custom bathing suit “to be reborn riding a log through the flume ride rapids.” So if your morning coffee just isn’t doing it for you today, head over there for a little adrenaline rush. (The slide will be up through September 2nd… or until the first injury occurs.)

Sorry Non-New Yorkers. So, Shall we get a DAPS field trip to together or what, Magic 8-ball?

What day is good for you guys?

via Gothamist

Awwwwww. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. While Keyboard cat, sneezy panda, and Antoine Dodson are safe and fun targets; I need more! Where’s the filth the internets is know for??

I need an 8bit Two Girls One Cup or a lemon party rendition with those funny looking NES sprites. (Google these on your own… I will not be held accountable for when you have to scratch out your eyeballs)

Internet you have you mission… GO GO GO GO!

There’s a blog out there (OMG REALLY) where people send in pictures of their Asian tattoos and the blog author attempts to ‘translate’ what the symbols actually mean.

And I’ve noticed by going though his posts that the tattoos almost NEVER mean what the person originally wanted! UGHHH.

Don’t do it!!!! Just go with this time honored favorite:

My favorites:

This means means “exhausted/poor”. Oops sucks to be you dude.

Rice. This symbol means rice. Mission accomplished lady.

This means “coffin man”. Hahaha. Way to go ‘douche man’

Check out the rest of these disasters.

- via hanzi smatter

2Pac sees you copying that floppy

What the FUCK am I babbling about? A video has surfaced on the YouTubes showing how upset 2Pac gets when he sees a street vendor illegally selling his ‘tape‘ in Times Square. LOLOLOL tapes. Anyone could and did illegally copy those. P.S. my tape dubs were EXCELLENT.

‘Embedding disabled by request’ because you touch yourself at night. Click the picture for the lulz:

Mark ass —–

For those of you who aren’t into footwear, you are missing a pretty cool event being put together by Nike.

In celebration of the World Basketball Festival, Nike decided to make 5 new pairs of Up Towns, one for each borough in NYC. To coincide with the sneakers, Nike produced a video for each borough showcasing it’s BBall/HipHop scene and guess who they chose to represent our hometown/14 mile x 7 mile mancave… that’s right, The Charlie Rose of Hip Hop Emilio Sparks.

Brother’s Pizza is pretty dope.