Welcome to DAPS’ We Hate The 2000s. Over the next 10 weeks, our crack staff will leave no stone unturned as they tell you everything that they HATED about the first decade of the 21st century.
MOVIES (contributed by Daye)
Pay It Forward. The complete and utter failure of this movie makes me giggle sooo much!! Just by watching the trailer you can tell the producers had their eyes set on an “OSCAR”. “Oscar winner Kevin Spacey; Oscar Winner Helen Hunt; Oscar Nominee Haley Joel Osment”. How could it not win an OSCAR?? The movie didn’t even break even. HAHAHAHA.
SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)
Hey remember when Roger Clemens threw a bat at Mike Piazza in the world series, claiming it was a ball? Or how about when Montreal Canadians’ Trent McCleary took a puck to his throat, collapsing his larynx and almost dying? Both events started something; 1) Steroids at the forefront of sports and 2) The pussification of hockey.
TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)
Released in 2000, Amstrad introduced the “Em@iler” Telephone. You would use the cleverly named device on a pay-as-you-go basis. The Em@iler featured an tiny LCD screen and keyboard for something that could be considered functional use, and allowed you to text message, make phone calls, access the internet and obviously check your e-mail all from one machine. The device was something of a money hogger. Not only did you have to pay to use it, but you also had to endure advertisements on the already hard to look at screen.
Editor’s Note: YUCK; This stupid thing looks like a retarded Rosie from the Jetsons.
On November 20, 2000, Intel introduced the Pentium 4, a single-core desktop and laptop CPU. This processor was their answer to AMD’s Athlon line of CPU’s released a little over a year prior. There was just one problem, AMD’s year old technology beat Intel’s brand new cores in every way imaginable, including the price.
GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)
Earthworm Jim 3D (for PC, N64) Was based on the cartoon series (which by the time of it’s release had been off the air for 3 years) and due to poor camera angles, and a lack of classic Earthworm Jim humor, was a failure. The game featured villains Psy-Crow and Professor Monkey-For-A-Head. Evil the Cat was supposed to be in the game but was replaced by Professor Monkey-For-A-Head at the last minute, although Evil was still featured on the box art. A version was slated for Playstation, but was unexpectedly cancelled. During it’s ungodly long development cycle, EJ 3D changed publishers 7 times! At almost 3/4 done, all the characters had to be redesigned for 3D and this cause poor animation and a lot of frame-rate issues. Reviewers still said it was a pretty solid plat-former, but I say nay. This game was horrible. I love Earthworm Jim more than the other games it “borrowed” game play from like Banjo-Kazooie and Super Mario 64.
INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)
2000 (or Y2K if you are an overly nervous fear monger) was pretty important in terms of the internet sucking. For one, AOL took over Time Warner which, in hindsight, was a retarded move (on both parties). This was scary because the worlds worst internet provider was in bed with the worlds worst cable provider. TELECOM ACT OF 96 FTW!!! Speaking of giant corporations, Microsoft was declared a monopoly (on my 16th birthday) because of it’s unethical shoving of a sub-par (even at the time) internet browser down everyone in the free worlds throats ensuring multiple aneurysms for web developers to present day. Pets.com also folded, which was a huge marker for the entire dot-com industry to come crashing down to ruins. (Think the current financial crisis, but instead of slimy money guys on Wall Street, it was greasy nerds in Silicon Valley.) The BIG story in my opinion is the fact that Napster was at it’s peak. EVERYONE was stealing music. Seriously, it even made Metallica’s butthurt. Illegal downloading is usually a win in my book, but the Napster model was so bad (P2P) that a dozen clones came from it, all with equally shitty tech. P2P would not reach it’s final form until much later when torrents become popular. Also, Nupedia.com was created, this later became Wikipedia, or as I call it, “High School Education Getter.” OH WAIT! The “first viral video EVER” was created and distributed via the internet; “405″ a 3 minute film about a plane or something. Why is that bad? because it sucked. I was getting womanblowszebraandtakesloadingface.avi back in ‘96 so fuck y’all!
MUSIC
ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)
The decade started-off with David Crosby fathering Melissa Etheridge’s baby. ::shivers:: Gross. In April, Metallica sues Napster for giving-away artist’s music (Later this decade they also copyright a musical note, so this is just the beginning). Setting a horrible tone for the decade at large, Limp Bizkit release “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water” selling over a million copies in it’s first week of release, a new record for a rock album at the time (So the next time someone says music was better pre-9/11, you can prove them wrong).
POP (contributed by Lauren)
Sad but true, Geri Halliwell, announced she was leaving the Spice Girls for good, though she came back to the group later in the decade for a world tour. Speaking of terrible pop music, *NSYNC broke a Billboard record with a 2.4 million debut of No Strings Attached, which was the first album ever to sell over 800,000 copies in at least 2 weeks. And that girl in the school-girl outfit, Britney Spears, her second terrible album Oops!… I Did It Again sold 1.3 million copies in its debut week and 500,000 copies on the first day. It made her, at the time, the only solo artist to break that record in U.S. history. And if that doesn’t make you hate pop music from the year 2000, they gave Mariah Carey an award for best selling female artist of the millennium. God, I hate her.
HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)
The Baha Men came out with “Who Let The Dogs Out.” This is Chris’ favorite song. Sisqo had a hit single with “The Thong Song.” The only good thing about this song was that chicks would expose their thongs on the dance floor. You knew who would go home with you at the end of the night when this song played. Shaggy came out with “It Wasn’t Me.” It wasn’t me who made this song popular, it was you America.
TV (contributed by Chris)
The same year which began with David Letterman suffering from a massive coronary, also gave birth to shows such as “Yes, Dear,” and “The Gilmore Girls.” Not even the Cartoon Network debuting the idea of Adult Swim could counteract the fact that in 2000, millions of dollars were spent on a series whose concept was, “Hey, what would it be like if Kramer (from Seinfeld) was a private eye!” If that’s not enough to convince you to hate television in 2000, let us not forget it was the year that took the last breaths from the surviving children on “Party of Five.” Goodnight Sweet Prince: Bailey Salinger :(
POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)
The citizens of the United States elected Al Gore as the 43rd President, but the Supreme Court picked George W. Bush as our leader. Though Gore won by popular vote by half a million people, the intellectuals in the old Electoral College cast their favor for their old Harvard pal Bush, naturally because he is one of the single greatest thinkers of our time.
FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)
When we look back on the year 2000, which fad/trend sticks out the most? Well, that would have to be Big Mouth Billy Bass. That’s right. The animatronic fish that would sing “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” This thing was entertaining for all of 10 seconds. Seriously, anyone who bought this as a gift for someone or for themselves, I am deeply disappointed in you and your intelligence.
Tags: 2000, adult swim, al gore, aol, bailey salinger, baseball, big mouth billy bass, britney spears, canadians, cartoon network, chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water, david crosby, david letterman, Earthworm Jim 3D, em@iler, george w. bush, geri halliwell, harvard, hockey, it wasn't me, kramer, limp bizkit, mariah carey, melissa etheridge, Metallica, mike piazza, napster, new york mets, New York Yankees, no strings attached, nsync, oops i did it again, party of 5, pay it foward, roger clemens, seinfeld, shaggy, sisqo, spice girls, steroids, telecom, The Baha Men, the gilmore girls, the thong song, thong, time warner, trent mccleary, We Hate The 2000s!, who the let the dogs out, y2k, year 2000, yes dear
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