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The likelihood that you know how to fuck is pretty good. You have probably fucked recently. Where did you learn to fuck? Was it trial and error or did you hit the ground running? Age is one of the factors so lets not let that idea wonder too far. Forget the questionable expertise of your “technique”- save that, you are not Dr. Ruth or involved with her posse. Don’t make that face; she could diligently screw your brains out with the smallest foreign giggle. Forget her, even though she is all about fucking she can not help me find out through what devices did you learn how the fucking goes down. I hope no one is thinking about there drunk uncle.

Most of us probably learned from the same source, our friends or the ever trusty erotica. Someone most likely told you about blow jobs. Word of mouth, the almighty teacher of sex education is still proudly in first. I keenly remember being “informed” that the name of the ejaculate produced by men was called “gum”. This was way before I hit puberty. A childish mishearing that porno would soon correct. In this day and age sex is too risky for childish misunderstandings, especially when the kids, age 13 and younger are getting to the fucking.

In our younger years the magazines we found were cherished like some high-priced black market item. Now the internet has made it so much easier for the children to readily believe that you don’t have to use condoms, no, you pull out and paint her it all over her face, oh sure, that’s how it goes down every time. Sure, ok. Anal is offered if not expected 75% of the time absolutely. I will never condemn porn. Never, I believe that it is healthy let alone natural to release with stimuli ones sexual frustration, twice or more DAILY if necessary (Moralists, Puritans and religious fanatics can “Deep-throat” me like Ms. Heather Brooke while I watch some Barely Legal). Just remember that this hot-shit is as reality based as Boston Legal and I love that show! The fashion choices of such an industry may dictate or effect our view of what “sexy” is but it definitely should not be the standard on education. Example: How many ladies reading this (who are over the age of 18!!!!!) are proudly sporting some nice vigorous bush? Where the fuck did the pubic hair go? Maybe it is just a thing of the times.

Oh wait….we forgot something. You thought I was just not going to get to it did you? Sex education, school funded sex Ed…..Really have you seen what they serve in the lunch rooms? You learned a lot then did you? You can thank biology class for that info and the café for the belly ache. Now, don’t get me started. Please do not start this up. Fine you went and did it!

Yes! Let’s have people who have almost no connection to our youth telling them their opinionated version of what they think SEX SHOULD BE. After all, what the fuck does the Biology teacher know about Sexual Education? He/she teaches science! Science is void of emotion. What about if you are taught in a Religious school where using ANY protection is WRONG and possibly not even mentioned as an option!!!!! Talk to your kids if you have some. Do not be unrealistic. The kids are going to fuck, a bunch, we did. The kids may not have a clue how to yet or maybe you are too late- little Jocelyn might be a Prego.
A study was published in 2007 conducted in the UK by Hayter PhD about Sex Ed. being taught by nurses from outside the school and the conclusion was way more productive. Why? Because these people know what they are talking about, the kids actually learned. They were not embarrassed about their teacher seemingly creeping into their lives outside the classroom. The problem is really age. Too young and it is deemed unimportant, too late and they may already be suffering the consequences of bad judgment. If we are afraid to let something as dirty or even mature as sex find its way near the children’s awareness how can we ever really learn something before experiencing it? Let us remember that there may be no answer to a better form of sex Ed., after all as individuals we have our own opinions, guidelines and thus, definitions of what SEX and FUCKING actually is.

Tags: Sex

You spot them, a stranger of whom you find attractive. Why? I am not asking in the chemical or metaphysical sense but simply the physical. What was it that your eye first perceived that you deemed this individual to be of that special status of “hot”? What if there was a wacky old theory that you have a subconscious fetish of sorts? As well does the person in the next room and your mom too. Gather closer around and read on.

I find myself alone in public waiting for something, anything. It has been a long day and quite comparably to that of being in a graveyard looking for life, desert seeking water, Rock the Harbor waiting for attendees… I find myself asking “Is there not a decent looking woman out today”? Then I see her. When I tell you her stomach was pristine I understate. Her stomach had just the right curves smooth, subtle and streamlined like god was thinking about the 1953 Corvette when this girl was under genetic production. Her hair is normal, I note her face, adorable but she looks pissed. Probably because I look like a skell and am obviously “checking her out” so to speak. Her legs are less than great- Houston, we have problem. She is noted to have sex organs, nice mammary glands at that but my particular interests are not met, I finish my cigarette and keep moving as that Stones tune “You cant always get what you want” plays in my brain.

My buddy Magnus Hirschfeld (a real Sexologist!) in the 1920’s introduced a theory called “partial attractiveness”, which argued that we are not attracted to someone as one piece but by discovering individual features they may have. Even back then when a “fetish” was considered a disease this loose “Paraphilia” was suggested to be a “healthy kind of fetishism” that we all seem to engage in, perhaps are dispositional to. We all happen to favor something different for good reason. Paraphilia is considered healthy until a singular body part becomes more important than the person whose limb it belongs to. Just so we are all clear this fetish by no means is limited to just arms and legs, however non-sexual body parts only.

I thought this was worth sharing and worth ten minutes of good conversation. Sharing ones favorite parts of their significant other proved tougher than it would seem. After an hour of pulling teeth I got somewhere, the neck, hands, lower back, and mouth were answers that came up often. This reminded me that it is still a “theory” and the idea that I may subconsciously be attracted Susan’s collar bone and knees from ten yards is a little much. What is real for me is the appreciation for the unique parts every one body has. When you look at your partner’s body you take notes, moles, scars, amputations and what have you- these are very special things.

Pretend in jest that this is real for the seven minutes it takes to read. This really is a fetish we as human beings happen to share. Embrace it, love it and respect the fuck out of the fact that we can discuss it. Imagine if your spouse of only one year never told you how much they adore your shoulders, chin, lower lip, back, arms and or tummy etc. An entire year of small dosages of adoration, lost for you both. Go ahead and ask him/her when you leave this alley, what they may have first noticed about you, what part they cherish now. It may be a bit surprising, just make sure you have a well thought on answer in return just to be fare. On the flip side you should tell him/her more often how awesome that part of them is.

Tags: Sex

God-speed! Sprint to the bedroom! Or crash into the couch downstairs, get bent over the sink. Go nutty, pull the car over. Even when you are already five minutes late for work there is always enough time for a quickie.

This is a quick fix. Foreplay can sleep in. Your partner and you both know what to do. Guys, sometimes it’s a sort of “race”, you should SOMETIMES let her win. So the “Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam” stuff may not be best approach all the time but it has its place. Ladies, you know what gets us to nut instantaneously. As a group of horny individuals I think we all know about that awkward-ass position that immediately gets your partner to squirt, revel in that and be gracious.

Quickies may parallel life in the fact that they can short and sweet. So one should enjoy every rush, nibble and moan but most importantly BE PREPARED!!!! Carry your protective gear somewhere cool, accessible, where the sun don’t shine, get it? So when I see the two of you sneak off in the bar, to the bathroom, don’t worry, The Filth’s got your back, just be quick about it.

Tags: Sex