My bologna has a first name, it's D-A-P-S.

• About
• Staff
• Archive
• Send a Tip

Today I was checking my email and found this gem.

Dear Sexy,

First, I would like to commend you on standing up to an oppressive media outlet hellbent on tarnishing the name of a trusted and beloved pop star.

Secondly, I’d like to thank you for offering me a challenge. Too often I find myself bored with reading emails, so when a grammatical goldmine like this finds it’s way to my inbox, I’m able to spend the next 3 hours trying to decipher what the fuck you are talking about.

Your use of punctuation transcends English and brings it to the level of “Artform”. I assume by steering clear of such boundaries you were attempting to convey that the world should live in harmony. No beginning, no end, just one big run on utopia.

Now to answer your garbled mess of an email:

The posts about Michael Jackson since his death have been the following:

WHO REMEMBERS?: WHEN PARIS JACKSON MADE US CRY… – which was at the least about how tragic his children’s situation was, and at most, an attempt to show how he was being used post-mortem by his family.

MICHAEL JACKSON IS BACK!!!!! NOW 100% MORE UPDATE!!! – A post about CNN footage that had a shadow and how people are morons to think his ghost is haunting the Neverland Ranch.

UNTOUCHABLE DJ DRASTIC’S MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL TRIBUTE MIX SHOW – a DJ Mix that is a Tribute to Michael Jackson.

Endless Moonwalk – a post of a video that showcases the world’s most famous dance.

MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD. WHO CARES? – an editorial that takes a controversial stance on the life of Michael Jackson.

Now, I’ll go “thought” by “thought” through your email to help clarify.

“i am sick of u people bashing that man”
YOU PEOPLE!?!? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You people?

“if u dont like him dont like him talk shit about him”
Come again?

“u fuckin white make me sick”
So you are a racist. I gotcha.

“when it comes to a black man i dont care if his skin was white hes dna says hes black”
1 – All human beings (black, or white) share a common ancestor, who comes from africa. (see – http://www.archaeology.org/9609/abstracts/dna.html )
2 – You are a moron.

“yall cant prove he molested any one they didnt find no evidence no nothing”
You are right, we can’t. and I believe that the accusation was made only once on the site.

“i hate to see some one accuses your father of molesting a child”
Me too!

I hope that clarified your concerns Sexy. I hope you learn to use English one day. Also, please download some Michael Jackson Ringtones from the beautiful advertisement right underneath my sickening white face.

Love,
Carlo

Tags: email, hate mail, ignorant, michael jackson, ringtones