Archive for the Fashion Fail category

Posted on Aug 27, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 1 comment

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Shoulder Pads

Oh dear, more eighties trends have returned. For the past year, huge shoulders have been in. But they should be out. Shoulder pads need to go. It’s like a bad science fiction anime or a Lady Gaga video come to life. It’s awful.

I love it when a pretty girl wears a nice dress, but nowadays, too many hip dresses are plagued with bulky pads. Hay gurls, what’s so cool about having broad shoulders? That shit’s terrifying. Lotsa linebacker looking hoes are hittin’ the streets. No good. Rip em out and rock those dresses shoulder pad free, plz.

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Posted on Aug 20, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — No comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Boat Shoes

Boat shoes are super lame. They are for nerds. Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkin’ hipsters wear them because it’s cool to do. But they’re pretty ugly and uncool. I’m not really sure why it’s hip to look like an old fart. My asshole grandfather wears these shoes. I guess he’s the man. Maybe lotsa slutty alt chixxxx wanna fellate his diznik due to his fancy footwear?

Shout out to Mike Shane for reminding me of my dislike towards “hipster ass boat shoes”.

Sick collection, dude

Typical bike riding, boat shoe wearing hipster dickhead. H8

I love your music bro, but the boat shoes gotta gtfo of here.

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Posted on Aug 13, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Lifestyle — No comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Clogs

I really hate clogs. H8 ‘em. Clogs are pretty much a fucked up combination of boots and sandals. They’re so ugly and tacky. The high heeled ones are especially brutal. Why did they take off this past year? What’s the appeal here? Big clunky shoes are never a good look. No, they aren’t sexy. Whether they’re from Chanel or Payless, they’re awful. If you wear them…please get rid of them :(. No one likes that you own a pair. Clogs will ruin an otherwise well put together outfit. Whatever happened to sexy footwear?

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Posted on Jul 30, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 8 comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Silly Bandz 4 Grown Ups!

All the cool kids are wearing Silly Bandz these days, dawg. If you’re not in homeroom, flauntin’ em, then you’re a fucking joke & GTFOutta here with your non-bracelet havin’ ass. For kids, they’re kind of a conversational item. Children get together, show each other what fun thing their band is shaped after, trade ‘em, and just kick it. It can be adorable. But see, these are kids. Silly Bandz are pretty much toys.

If you’re over 18 and you’re sporting a shitload of Silly Bandz, then I feel bad for u son. And GTFOutta here with your Silly Bandz havin’ ass. One or two? That’s kinda ok. It’s subtle. You’re wearing more than the average kid? That shit’s embarrassing. Put some effort in your choice of accessories. And grow up!

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Posted on Jul 23, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 3 comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Acid Wash Jeans

When I was a little boy, 2010 seemed like it would be super futuristic, like Fifth Element type shit. Movies, and comic books led me and many others to believe we’d be flying cars and wearing high tech garments. Also during that time, I’d investigate my mom and dad’s closet out of curiosity. The worst looking thing in there was a pair of ugly acid wash jeans that I never saw my mother wear. It was a thing of the past…a relic. That shit was ancient.

It’s 2010. People are wearing acid wash jeans. I’ve been in a state of panic since seeing them on display at American Apparel. That was in 2009. They weren’t quite as popular then, but now, fashionistas accept the look, like every other awful 80’s trend that’s currently popular. What are we gonna do?

You can be an asshole and make your own acid wash jeans by bleaching various areas of your denim pants. OR you can be a bigger asshole and spend $74 on them. There’s no hope for the future.

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Posted on Jul 16, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 1 comment

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Flip Flops

Flip flops are usually pretty gross. Wearing them at the beach is A-ok. Putting them on in your own home is totally acceptable. Getting the mail, and walking your dog? Also fine. But hanging out in public with flip flops is a bad look. Why not wear cooler footwear to max out your outfit? It’s so disappointing to see a beautiful girl wear a sexy dress and cheap Old Navy flip flops. People shouldn’t wear them while sporting nice clothes. You ever ask a girl out on a date, and she comes out wearing flops? It’s fucked up!

If you absolutely must wear flip flops cause you’re effin lazy, at least mix them up and wear clean ones. Those nasty once white but now brown/black flimsy sandals are filthy. Show some goddamn respect for yourselves.

You’re under arrest, for being a fucking asshole

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Posted on Jul 09, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 2 comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Jelly Shoes

Oh God, the return of another throwback. Jelly Shoes! My sister used to own a pair in the early nineties. This was back when Xuxa was all the rage in Latin communities and every girl had a pair of her shoes. Admittedly, I thought they were pretty cool. They still are kinda cool, for kids. You can find them at any major toy store. The appeal to children is totally understandable. Jelly Shoes look like toys that can be worn. However, grown-ass women shouldn’t be wearing them. My sister owns another pair now, and she’s 26. :(

Grendha (the original company), markets their masterpiece as an avante-garde molded plastic shoe. Um..wat?

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Posted on Jul 02, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — No comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: The Half Head Shave

Times are changin’, dawg. All the ultra hip gurls wanna look super “punk rock”. But none of the legit punk chixx do that shit anymore. Y’all are posers n stuff. Even Raven Symone does it! That’s so ravin’, girl. These haute babes resemble Zorg from (best fashion/sci fi movie of all time) The Fifth Element. I don’t know…it strikes me as a pretty bad idea to shave half of your head. You’re pretty much stuck with a fucked up hair cut for a long time.

Str8 Punk Rock. My Black Flag vinyl collection is off the meatrack!

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Posted on Jun 25, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 2 comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Socks N Sandals

Socks and sandals. This shit just makes me laugh every time I see it. Usually, people wear sandals to AVOID wearing socks….to give feet some freedom. Most of the time, culprits of said fashion crime hardly ever look presentable. Big t-shirt, mesh shorts, and sandals with socks is the winning combo. Think about how many times you run into this kind of person during the summer. A lot of men need to work on this faux pas. However, it’s not unheard of for “fashionable” chicks to pull the same shit with fancier socks and sandals. But it doesn’t matter how you try to sport it – it’s always ridiculous. Take your fucking socks off.

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Posted on Jun 18, 2010 by FLAM — Fashion Fail / Humor / Lifestyle — 4 comments

FLAM’s Fashion Fail: Fedora Hat Fail

Jerks ruined fedora hats. I guess they’re supposed to make you look cool or whatever, but it’s all in your imagination bro. I call them the “Take me serious” hats. Seems like everyone wearing them want others to know they mean business. We’re supposed to think they like the finer things in life, like H&M and Muse songs. Fedora hats are pretty lame on most people. Like everything else, there are exceptions to the rule. A fedora hat can be a classy and elegant accessory with the right clothes. Unfortunately, most people wear them with everyday street wear. It’s a bad look. All the bros and dawgs wear their fedoras with tees and jeans. My personal favorite is the asshole wearing a fedora with a bedazzled tuffguy t-shirt. Lotsa chicks wear them also, to “stand out” and be sophisticated. It takes a little more than sporting a fancy hat for that.

Take me serious, bro

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