If you are looking for me to hate on LOST, you’ve come to the wrong place. Go to the right place for that.
Last night I decided to watch the finale of LOST. Now I haven’t seen an episode of this show since season 1, but I kinda got the idea of what was happening because everyone and their mother watched this show and lived their entire life around it. (kinda feel bad these people have literally nothing left now…) So I knew about the time travel and the smoke guy and the doppelganger Locke.
But nothing could prepare me for this….
If you had any brain, you could pretty easily figure out early on that the island/show was a metaphor for something. You just knew that this shit went down on the island was too wacky to be literal… so now what?
LOST did a really great job of introducing abstract thought into mainstream television. (Cult-like following ≠ Cult following.) Now everyone could play “Guess the Metaphor” and not feel like an “educated elite”. And boy did they…
The whole “The island is purgatory and everyone died in the crash” theory has been around for a very long time. I’m glad that the fans of the show write the series. Watching the final episode was like watching the controlled demolition of a casino. You know it’s gonna be rubble, so what you really care about is how many hookers died in the penthouse, and where the safe was kept, and what the hell they did with all those card tables. Man, I could use a new card table. Unfortunately, none of that shit was resolved. (Maybe it was, but I wasn’t watching.)
So the people on the island were just biding their time in purgatory “building heaven” together. How cute. Also, that makes Locke the greatest troll ever. HE WAS TRYING TO FUCK THESE PEOPLE OUT OF HEAVEN FOR NO REASON! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL #hesmyhero
edit: they all died on the island? not in the crash? That’s even dumber.
I’m sure that for fans of the series, the finale was amazing. But I’m willing to guess that it has more to do with the time invested into the series than the actual show itself. Strictly from an objective point of view, the finale kind of sucked. It felt more like “hey lets do this nice crap for fans cuz we dropped the ball years ago and they let us slide.” Over all it felt, more or less, ghey. But if I spent 6 seasons watching this, I’d probably be happy with it.
It’s like sex. when you finally nut, it’s awesome, but only cuz you “worked so hard at it”. It’s not as fulfilling to orgasm without the tingle-jingles.
In closing, I’m glad there is only a few more weeks dedicated to talking about LOST outside of overreacting retrospectives.
ALSO: enjoy this recap of LOST using only photos of kittens. (much more rewarding.)
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