Posts by Phil Unofficial

Why Can’t More Politicians Be Like This?

It certainly would make voting more interesting……

You can’t tell me this mother fucker wasn’t a samurai in a past life.

Phil Unofficial Flips Shia LaBeouf The Bird

I hate Shia LaBeouf for many reasons:

1) His name

2) He made out with Megan Fox and I have not

3) He killed the Indiana Jones franchise

4) He wants to have sex with his mom

…to name a few.

But today I had the pleasure of seeing him eating in a restaurant. People say he is a very private person…but today he was flipped off very publicly.  FUCK SHIA LABEOUF:

Now since the camera is a little shaky and unsteady you might have missed it…. let’s slow it down:

Incase you missed it AGAIN, here is a picture journal of the events:

The culprit LaBeouff is spotted

Screen shot 2009-09-29 at 3.01.22 PMPicture 1

Grab his attention:

Screen shot 2009-09-29 at 3.01.44 PM

Let him know he sucks

Screen shot 2009-09-29 at 3.01.53 PM

Walk away slightly more satisfied with your day:

Screen shot 2009-09-29 at 3.02.08 PM

True Blood is Overrated – False Blood Is Where It’s At

Episode 1:

Episode 2 (This one is a little better):

How To Judge A Boob By Its Cover [NSFW]

Bra’s are a wonderful and frustrating lie piece of material.  They are designed with a sole purpose to make a woman feel better about her breasts (Most women think bras are uncomfortable).  Now, I may be stepping on JaneBlow’s toes here, but I think this is something for the men to write about… Jane, feel free to critique my observations. Oh, and a quick side note, I am not knocking anyone’s body types. This is merely an observation by a very horny man!

Lets start with the average drop.  A woman’s breast will drop approximately 2-4 inches when the bra is taken out of the equation.  Now when “top cleavage” is introduced, it gets a little more complicated.  Top Cleavage is the line that outlines the top of a woman’s breast.  The more noticeable the line, usually means the lower the drop.  (See Fig 1 & 2)

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The next thing to notice is the Side Boob Crest.  The SBC can only be seen from certain angles but it is a good indication of a significant drop.  (See Fig 3 & 4)

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Hershey Kiss Tits are small and petite, but they are the least deceiving (Unless they have an outrageous pushup bra on).  In this case you’re probably getting what your bargaining for.  In rare cases you will get a below average drop, but there isn’t much room for deception in these cases. (See Fig 5 & 6)

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Now, ladies and gentlemen, I am not a picky person.  I think there is beauty in all shapes and sizes.  I just don’t like to get my hopes up for one thing and find the truth is something quite different.  I hope this handy little guide will find you well and help you on your future endeavors!


News From The Underground: Cthulhu? Is that you?

For anyone who doesn’t know, Cthulhu (also spelled Tulu, Clulu, Clooloo, Cthulu, Cighulu, Cathulu, Kutulu, Q’thulu, Ktulu, Kthulhut, Kulhu, & Thu Thu – I’m not kidding. There are that many spellings, maybe more) is the Sumerian god of madness….. in other words he loves to torture people through mental anguish.

He’s so handsome

Now, there is a report of Cthulhu a giant unidentified blob that has miraculously surfaced in the Arctic Ocean.  This “blob” stretches for miles and is described by witnesses as being “fibrous and hairy. When it touched floating ice, it looked almost black.”  Biologists studying this phenomenon have claimed it to be nothing more than algae.

BEHOLD!

BEHOLD, THE BLOB!

Considering I don’t have any samples of this blob yet…. or a biology degree, I’ll go along with this plan to say it is a collection of algae…. Sorry my lord of madness. However, this is not an isolated incident.  We may have alligators in our sewers in NY, but we don’t have shit on NC.  In sewers of North Carolina, we have found Cthulhi (minions of Cthulhu) hiding, waiting for their assault on humanity and our minds!

Wait…. I think I heard something…… It sounds like a dog whistle for autistic kids…. Maybe this war has already begun…..

Ah, it’s probably nothing.  Anyway, here is actual footage taken from the sewers in North Carolina:

Claims have been made that it’s a colony of worms…. Really?  I don’t know about you but that sure as shit doesn’t look like worms, it looks like a moving blob to me!

I don’t know what it is exactly, I’m still waiting for samples….. and that damned biology degree….

Wait, there’s that noise again…. The voices in my head….. IM LOSING CONTROL!!!!!! hlep meeeerrewwewdfdsd………..

Disregard this article.  Everything I just wrote is gibberish. It is all made up. Just worms and algae.  Enjoy the rest of your days, oops I mean day.

What Would Tyler Durden Do?

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club…..

The first rule of Project Mayhem is you do not ask questions….

You would think that someone trying to model themselves after a fictional homoerotic badass would know better than to break the top two major rules.  17 year old, Kyle Shaw, was arrested after he was linked to the bombing of a New York Starbucks. He is being charged with arson, criminal possession of a weapon, and criminal mischief.  Upon his arrest, cops found a copy of Fight Club, a box of sparklers, and a news article about the bombing.  Apparently he broke the major rules when he decided to tell all his friends at school about his arson debut and attempts to start his own Project Mayhem.   The Daily News interviewed Shaw’s neighbor and he reported “I didn’t believe him,” adding that Shaw once pulled a hunting knife on him. “He was always bragging. He told me about Starbucks being blown up and to watch the news.”

Tyler Shaw.... Doesnt have the same ring to itTyler Shaw….. doesn’t have quiet the same ring to it….

In Tyler We Trust
In Tyler we trust…

Noted Follies:

  1. He blew his load on his pillow…. He broke the two major rules
  2. He has the glasses but the guinea tee is a no no…. Tyler wore goofy clothes you would find in the discount bin of a thrift shop
  3. Where’s Jack? OHHHHH he’s invisible.
  4. You were supposed to destroy a piece of art too… Not just destroy a corporate coffee shop… two birds with one stone
  5. You need a Fight Club before you can have a Project Mayhem…. Oh and you need to be a complete badass to do that…. not play hackie sack with your glasses on you yuppie
  6. Even the “real” Tyler started out small… Demagnetizing videos at stores, having birds crap on new cars in the sales lot, setting off car alarms
  7. Unless he had the neighbor on the floor of a mens room with a rubber band around his testicle sack… he should have never pulled a knife on him… tisk tisk
  8. Durden was shredded… He didn’t look like a vegan manhattanite fist pumper

I think when he gets out of prison and his asshole looks like an african tribesman’s lip he should adopt 8 kids from all around the world.

I don’t know…. He broke the rules…..Gather the troops boys….. We gotta take his balls

3 Painful Deaths In Hollywood This Week (Let’s Laugh A Little About Them)

wenn2052232

What are Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon getting for Christmas?

Click here to find out

You Thought Drug Withdrawals Were Bad?

This is apparently a freakout by a kid who’s mother just cancelled his WoW subscription.

I hope to god this shit’s not real.  If it is, I am campaigning a collection of all these people and delegate one man with a giant foot and Hulk-sized legs to deliver a kick to each one of them in the nuts…That is assuming they have/had them….

UPDATE: Global Warming

ohnoglobalwarming

AND how it is total bullshit.  As I stated in a previous Degocast that “Global warming was just nature being nature”  and Brendan ceased to convince me that “Prophet” Gore and his carbon credit solution were right while he got red in the face.  Here it is… the truth about Global Warming… straight from NASA themselves:

http://erc.ivv.nasa.gov/topics/solarsystem/features/solar_variability.html

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2009/01apr_deepsolarminimum.htm

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2009/29may_noaaprediction.htm

If thats not enough educational reading for you…. here’s a link to back it up:

http://www.dailytech.com/article.aspx?newsid=15310

So now take your carbon footprints and shove them straight up your hippy ass………. Or you can tell NASA their wrong about their life’s work.

Hippys: 0

Phil: 100000

Your move

News From The Underground: Bohemian Grove (With Video Evidence)

The Bush family, Walter Cronkite, Bing Crosby, Henry Ford, Robert Kennedy, Larry King, Richard Nixon, and Ronald Regan are a few names on the list of Bohemian Grove members (http://www.isgp.eu/organisations/Bohemian_Grove_members_list.htm).  This event happens once a year where “the elites” of the world meet in northern California’s redwood forest for a ceremony in pagan rituals called the “Cremation of Care”.

About 2,000 leaders of the “free world” meet to worship the pagan deity known as Moloch.  Usually represented as an owl or horned beast, Moloch is honored in a ritual where members dress in black, red, and silver robes ask Moloch to bless them with fire and honor him with human sacrifice. It is argued whether or not the sacrifices are fake or not.  What can’t be argued is that such a thing exists.

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Their motto is “Weaving Spiders Come Not Here”.  By that motto it is implied that the retreat is not for business.  However, there have been reports “policy speeches are regularly made by members and guests, and the club privately boasts that the Manhattan Project was conceived on its grounds“ as well as who presidential candidates will be.

cofc

Reports from gay prostitutes who have been flown in for the events say that some of the all-male group (about 20%) partake in homosexual acts. An article states “We have previously exposed how members of the grove have both male and female prostitutes and even gay porn stars flown in for the Summer camp. Former President Richard Nixon is on record stating his personal distaste for the actions of other member the activities at the Grove, making reference to the debase, decadent attitude as well as the homosexual activity there“:

 

In 2000, a Texas journalist, Alex jones, snuck in and recorded footage of this event. This is about 10 minutes of the actual video which is over 1 hour long:

 

Still think this is fake? Well, here is the reporter who exposed this interviewing a member of the Clinton Administration as well as a member of the Bohemian Grove, David Gergen, about the ritual and events:

 

How can it be a free world if the people running it a making the rules aren’t even honest with us?  When the “decision” is ours but they are deciding who will be the ones we choose?

 
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