Author Archive

AM-DJ: Looking For The Monkey But He Can’t Be Found

“Cuz he’s down by the pond playing hockey with the kids!” Ya silly goose!

Hockey Monkey by The Zambonis: Because Monkey and Hockey are more than just two random words that have “_o_key” as their frame, right guys?

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AM-DJ: Now I’m Where A Snail Has To Be

Back in 1994, They Might Be Giants added extra musicians to their group and focused on a more guitar-heavy sound. This was seen by some fans as blasphemous and detrimental to their, then current, minimalistic style.

These fans are idiots.

To say that something is bad because it is different is the same as saying blacks are terrible people because their skin is different than white people’s skin (oh, I went there).

So what I guess I’m trying to get at is that a certain section of TMBG fans are hardcore racists.

…..Wait, what? Yes No.

::shifts eyes:: Here’s “Snail Shell” off the extremely underrated album John Henry. ::slowly backs out of room::

AM-DJ: French Vanilla, Butter Pecan, Chocolate Deluxe

In 1995, Wu-Tang ran the game.

With solo albums as good as “Liquid Swords” and “Only Built 4 Cuban Linx” it’s no wonder.

Before Raekwon was collaborating with Justin Bieber, he was a legit hardcore rapper.

Raekwon’s “Ice Cream” off OB4CL is a heartwarming tale of lyrical poetry, love, redemption, and family values….actually it’s about bitches and ice cream.

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50 Cent Uses Twitter To Diss Whores, Kate Gosselin Wants To Be On Mad Men, Space Mountain Gets New Music, And Christina Hendricks’ Gigantic Breasts

There are just as many things that are confusing about this as there are awesome.

50 Cent uses the power of Twitter to stay relevant (kinda) by insulting strippers. Go Shorty?

Kate Gosselin thinks she’ll be cast in Mad Men. Hmmm, I’ll allow it; but only if we get to see Betty Draper’s gigantic tits.

Space Mountain gets new theme music; presumably Ric Flair’s.

Speaking of Betty Draper’s gigantic tits.

They pissing in your sinks, they snatching your urinals up. Tryna rape’em… wait.

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AM-DJ: In Keds and Tube Socks

Weezer Wheatus. Teenage Dirtbag. WHEATUS WROTE AND PERFORMED TEENAGE DIRTBAG.

Back in the early 2000s, around the time of Napster, their song “Teenage Dirtbag” got picked up on that and other peer-to-peer sites and was erroneously attributed to Weezer.

As big of a music junkie as I am, Wheatus had managed to completely slip under my radar this whole time until I had heard of this snafu a few years ago.

After listening to “Teenage Dirtbag” I can safely say that any fan of either band who gets this confused with Weezer probably isn’t an actual fan of their respective band and should be rightly called-out and humiliated in front of a large crowd of friends.

While I’ll confess that the guitars could be mistaken for early-2000s Weezer, those vocals are a complete dead-giveaway.

I mean, Rivers Cuomo doesn’t have the manliest voice in the world, but the dude can belt out a song. Brendan B. Brown on the other hand has this weird squee to his voice; It’s kind-of hard to describe, but listen closely to his Es, Is, and As during the high-notes of the chorus and you’ll hear what I mean.

The video is pure early-2000s candy-coated nostalgia. The whole vibe reeks of that time between 1999 and right before 9/11 (when America changed forever) when everything was this perfected vision of high school, everyone wore desaturated colors with some kind-of striped shirt variant, and Jason Biggs was a thing.

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AM-DJ: Model Citizen, Zero Discipline

I’ve got about five minutes to get to my first class for my first day of the new college school year (like a good little Christian boy).

Time to rely on Mr. iPod Shuffle for this one.

::shuffling to Press Your Luck ‘No Whammy‘ music:: aaaaaand Van Halen’s “Panama” it is!

DavidLeeRoth’sRadioCareer!

Haha; now it’s in your head! Roth Radio’s Revenge!

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AM-DJ: Touch Me On Me Butt

Hey guys, Shaggy’s back! Hey, wait; don’t leave!

It’s cool, because we’re balancing it out with the Mr. Bean version of the video for “Boombastic” from that movie he did that no one cared about.

Still don’t give a shit? Meh, whatever. You’ll have to care about something eventually.

Maybe next time we can get the Blackadder to dance to Baha Men.

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The Situation Makes More Money Than Obama, Mariah Carey Is Getting Fat, Heidi Montag Lesbo Sextape Is On It’s Way, And Burn Notice Is A TV Show On The USA Network

*quack quack* "I can see you masturbating from my penthouse." *quack*

Hey, guess what, poor people? The Situation makes more money than you! He actually makes more money than the President and Bill Murray combined!

In “No Shit’ news: Mariah Carey is getting fat.

You watch Burn Notice, right? Well fuck you, it’s a great show and you should be watching it because human-self-parody Bruce Campbell is in it and a group of people are trying to get him to host SNL. At least it’ll be better than that episode where they spent an hour and a half getting Betty White to curse.

11/11/11: It’s cryptic alright, but I really could care less. Perhaps you will take up my lack of caring?

The Heidi Montag sex tape officially has 100% less Spencer Pratt and 100% more Playboy Playmate. Interested yet?

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AM-DJ: Because I’m Gonna

One of the bright spots in The Strokes‘ underrated 2006 album “First Impressions Of Earth” is the excellent song “You Only Live Once,” with it’s straightforward and catchy guitar-work that The Strokes are known for.

Showing that the band is WAY ahead of the curve on global affairs, the video lampoons the BP oil spill by having the band slowly drown in oil inside of a tanker as they play.

OH WAIT! It’s The Hives! Oh early-2000s Garage-Rock, you’re so very similar.

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AM-DJ: Everybody’s Doing A Brand New Dance Now

Here on the East Coast this morning IT. IS. POURING.

Especially on a Monday, this calls for an extra kick to get you up out of bed and tackling the day.

That’s why I give you Let’s Get Physical by Olivia Newton John “The Locomotion” by Kylie Minogue

If 80s-style Aussie cover songs can’t wake you up, then I don’t know what will.

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