Now you’re probably wondering what the PMS of the Month is all about. Well, basically it’s a chance for DAPS to be unethical, illogical, ridiculous and generally just crazy, without being held accountable.
Like all women during their “special time”, DAPS will tell you about shit that you don’t care about and you have to sit there and listen to it because we always complain that you’re not sensitive enough to our needs and don’t tell us how beautiful we are, and expect us to pick up after you.
I bet you’re saying to yourself, “But how is that different from everything else on your site?”, and the answer to that question my friend is because we said so. So listen up gumshoes and you might just learn something! (but probably not.)
Hey kiddos, it’s your friendly, neighborhood rigmarole talker, Poppa Checks.
You know what pisses me off? car accidents.
Well let’s get it straight, it’s not the car accidents, per say, it’s what follows…you know, the fucking morons that have to stare like they are writing for the Gazette or Newport News. I got some news for you pal, I don’t care that your family member is dead. There is nothing you can do for them. You might as well stay out of the way and let the cops and firemen get your deformed and mutilated family member’s body out of the horrendous car wreck so that working people like me can get home so I can go to work in the morning, or get out of the way of people who spent the night drinking so they can get home safely without your dumb ass stopping on a mother fucking highway. The only reason to stop or slow down on a highway is if there is a limb or better yet a head. That is when you can slow down and stare.
What about the people that cut over 3 lanes to be closer to the accident so they can try and video record it on their cell phones. Holy Leaping Grandmas! With you treating the morning commute like the Nürburgring, you end up increasing exponentially the risk of killing a family of 4 and making me have to settle for the pumpernickel bagels, because all of the good bagels were taken by the people who got to work on time for the Boss’ Bagel Wednesday.
I really hate pumpernickel. I’d rather have the salt bagels. And I really hate salt in general. Thankfully for some odd, but welcomed reason, the classical music station on the radio sort of calms me. During this time I wonder, ‘if I had super powers, what powers would I want?’ or ‘would I be a hero or a villain?’ I would have to say that I would be a “good guy” but would not hesitate to throw cars into the ocean because they have slightly disturbed my travel time and tried to murder me. I’ll never get that time back. Now get away from me, I want to eat this hot fudge sundae without you constantly judging me.
Gimme feedback, friends. Ladies, I’m sort of sorry?
Tags: car accident, Nurburing, pumpernickel, rubber necker
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