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Geoff Johns is the Jesus of the DC Universe. He has single handedly resurrected more titles for DC than any other creator working there now. He brought back Hal Jordan, the fan favorite Green Lantern, and has made that title one of the most popular books on the stands.

In two or three years, when you walk out of the theater, after seeing a Green Lantern movie, and you say “You know, that was almost as good as the ‘Dark Knight’”, it will be because that movie was based on the mythology that Johns has created. When you secretly buy a fake Green Lantern ring, and wear it to bed, you can say “That Geoff Johns is one creative bitch”.

Geoff (see, he is that cool, you pronounce his name as Jeff, but it is spelled like Jee-uff) isn’t as picky as Jesus, though. He is also really good at resurrecting villains and making them more bad-ass than they ever were before. Take Sinestro, for instance. Hal Jordan’s arch nemesis was never very imposing, back in the day. He had a head shaped and colored like an eggplant, with a little hair at the top. To make him more human looking, Silver Age artists drew him with the same kind of pointy mustache you would find on a pompous waiter in a French restaurant.

Sintestro also had a ring, similar to Hal Jordan’s, only it used yellow energy (for those of you who are a little slow, Hal’s used green energy). You see, back in the day, Hal Jordan, and all of the Green Lantern Corps had one weakness. Their rings wouldn’t work on things that were yellow in color. -Insert racist joke against Asians here- So, Hal and crew had to be extra careful if attacked by swordsmen brandishing bananas. Johns, when he brought back both Sinestro and Hal, was able to “Ret-con” the whole “yellow impurity”- Insert another racist joke against Asians here-

Now, you might ask, “What is ret-conning?”, and if you are an actual fan of my column, you might remember that I mentioned, in my first column, that I never would use the term ret-con. Well, tough titty. I am writing about aliens using laser rings. I can contradict myself. To sum it up, ret-conning is when you write something into a modern comic, that contradicts what has always been considered true, and makes it so that the new information is now the accepted reality.

So Johns ret-conning of the Green Lantern’s weakness goes all the way back to the beginning of the universe. It turns out that every color in the spectrum of light, you know the whole ROYGBIV thing, gives off a specific power associated with a specific emotion. Green is in the middle of the spectrum, therefore green represents a balance and logical order. That’s what the Green Lantern Corps taps into, to keep peace in the galaxy.

Now, Here is where John’s can start banging your mother and you would be ok with it. The yellow color represents fear. So the weakness Green Lanterns have against yellow is based on their own, personal fears.

To make Sinestro even more bad-ass, Johns has made Sinestro start up his own yellow ring wearing Corps, The Sinestro Corps, who fly around the galaxy, spreading fear. One of DC’s most successful crossover events was the SINESTRO CORPS WAR, where the Green Lanterns took on the Yellow Lanterns in a Battle Royale. For all you dissatisfied Star Wars fans, that I addressed two weeks ago, quick dissing George Lucas and check out the SINESTRO CORPS WAR trades. Many fans will agree that it is a much more satisfying outer space epic than the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

A few weeks back, you may have read in the Daily News that the original Flash, Barry Allen, was returning, after being dead for over twenty years. Take one guess who is writing Barry’s rebirth story- Magic Man Johns. Johns has already made the Flash’s enemies, the Rogues, far more interesting and intimidating.

Think about it- wouldn’t you just walk up and punch a guy named Captain Cold, right in the face? Let’s play Who Has The More Fruity Name- Weather Wizard, Mirror Master, The Trickster or Piper? Now that Johns has worked on them, they are some of the most dangerous villains in the DC universe.

Next week, I am going to review Johns’ ‘Brainiac’ story in ACTION COMICS. The end of it might have already been spoiled for you, if you read the Daily News today. F– that though. Go to your local comic store, pick up ACTION COMICS #’s 866-870, and then stop by here next Friday, so we can have a little read along party, and continue kissing the feet of the comics wunderkind, Geoff Johns.

“YA TOW!”

Yeah, it is pretty annoying when Hiro Nakamura screams out his catchphrase, on NBC’s ‘Heroes’, and it sets Japanese Americans back all the way to the time of the internment camps, but you can overlook it. ‘Heroes’ is filled with cheese like that, but it is also filled with unexpected plot twists, memorable characters and moments that will make you “geek out” (“geek out” being a term that the most hardcore of dorks have developed to look hip. Keep it up guys!). It is the perfect show for both comic fans who want to turn their attention towards a television show (God forbid they would focus on getting a girlfriend or moving out of their parent’s house) and for all you Closet Dorks that need a super powers kick, but can’t set foot into a comic book store.

As of next Monday, ‘Heroes’ will be up to the fourth episode of its third season, but that shouldn’t discourage you from climbing on board. Both Season 1 and Season 2 are collected within very affordable DVD box sets. Season 1 will take you the longest to get through, since it is twenty three episodes long, and it is also what people in the comics industry call the “origin story”. The first season is where we are introduced to all of the major players, and what their special powers are.

Just to make sure you know which power goes with which character, each of the characters tend to use them in excess. One example would be Hayden Panettiere’s character, Claire, who has the ability to heal from any wound or injury. Just picture Wolverine as a fifteen year old cheerleader (you like that don’t you, you sick bastard) to get it. Unfortunately, within almost every episode of Season 1 is a scene where Claire is hurt and then heals instantly. Her finger gets stuck in a garbage disposal and gets shredded up, then grows back. When talking to a friend of hers, on a field used for both football and cheerleader practice, a football player accidentally crashes into her, causing her head to be twisted around, completely backwards. You know, cause these things used to happen everyday in high school, right?

Panettiere might draw all of you guys, who are into jailbait, to season one, but for the rest of us adults, there is a convoluted plot to follow. At the end of it all, the Heroes must band together to prevent an explosion that will destroy New York City. Hey, we have never seen New York buildings decimated in a movie, TV show, comic or real life before, right?Season 2 is only eleven episodes, since the creators chopped off the second half of the season, when the writers strike postponed everything. I rented all four DVDs for the second season, from Blockbuster, and with a sort of pathetic sense of achievement, I am proud to say I actually watched all of Season 2, within the past three days. Season 2 is considered by a lot of the show’s fans to be inferior to the first season. I disagree wholeheartedly. There are certainly a lot of worthy “geek out” moments in season 2, like when main character Peter Petrelli travels to the future and lands in a Times Square that has been evacuated, due to a spreading virus. Wait, was that ‘Heroes’ or ’I am Legend’? I get my post apocalyptic Manhattans confused, since there are so many of them.

The best way to catch up with Season 3 is to go over to Hulu.com, or NBC.com/Heroes. On either site, you can find all of the most recent episodes. Give the show a try, and don’t worry if you end up screaming “YA TOW!”, I am not going to judge you. Though you maybe judged by your friends, your mom, your mailman, the server

Sometimes I wish that I had the same sort of candid experience as selling bizarre things at a yard sale or even being behind the register of a porn store, when looking over who reads this column. I would like to know, who is secretly looking here, and when they are doing it. Are you looking over your shoulder, when you are here, reading about comic books? Or are you so secure enough with who you are, that it doesn’t matter who knows you like Aquaman or that you know at least five people in the Legion of Superheroes?

Nowadays, thanks to the success of ‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘Iron Man’ it seems like people are proud to say they are comic book fans. But you see, you can’t have your cake and eat it too, and it would seem that there has to be a true sense of balance at the box office. In movie theaters, comic book characters are on top, and with the recent bombing of ‘Star Wars: The Clone Wars’, the animated movie that takes place between Episode II and III of George Lucas’s epic Tale, Star Wars seems to be on the bottom. You have to love the Force in secret, these days.

It is fab now to bash Star Wars, even though we all slept underneath a blanket that had Luke riding a tauntaun on Hoth, when we were five years old. We were first in line when the classic trilogy movies were re-released in theaters, yet, less than a decade later, we scoff whenever we hear the words ‘Lucas’, ‘Sith’ or ‘light saber’. So, right now, to be reading this, you must really love Star Wars to the core (well either that, or you are bored at work, and are just clicking on articles). Now, I am about to tell you everything you wanted to know about the FORCE UNLEASHED. So, going back to my weird, yard sale/porn store metaphor- you have walked into the porn store, and now you have made your way to the Anal section. Welcome to pure Star Wars comic goodness.

You see, that is what THE FORCE UNLEASHED is, everything you loved about the classic Star Wars trilogy, and everything you thought was salvageable from the prequel trilogy. THE FORCE UNLEASHED is a comic based on a novel, that was based on a videogame (I shit you not) that actually delivers on a dramatic level. It tells the story of Darth Vader’s secret apprentice, a man only known as ‘Starkiller’. True Star Wars geeks will note that Starkiller is the original last name George Lucas wrote down for Luke Skywalker’s character, when writing the script for the first Star Wars movie. But who cares what true Star Wars geeks think? They already know what this Apprentice’s midichlorian count is (Star Wars’ humor).

Starkiller is trained by Darth Vader to hunt down and exterminate the Jedi that have lived on after the end of Episode III. On the side, Vader has also been training Starkiller to take out the Father of all evil old man bad guys, The Emperor. In a way, Starkiller is like the son, Vader thought he had accidentally killed when choking his wife Padme- a Luke before there was an idea of Luke, who Vader was able to turn to the dark side. I really don’t want to give away too much more of the actual plot of the story, since some of the twists are quite satisfying for Star Wars fans. Let’s just say that this Starkiller character, though never mentioned in any of the movies, has a tremendous effect on the entire Star Wars universe.

Starkiller, in the videogame, and therefore in the comic book, was modeled on the actor, Sam Witwer. You most likely will not recognize his name, but you will probably recognize his face. He was in the first season of ‘Dexter’ as well as the second season of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ and could also be seen in the movie, ‘The Mist’. Witwer was an excellent choice to be the model for this character, since he has proven to be as intense an actor as the Apprentice is as intense a character.

I recommend this book to all Star Wars fans, whether you read comics or not. THE FORCE UNLEASHED bridges the gap between the prequel trilogy and the classic trilogy, and does so using characters with unspecified morals, the struggle between the light side of the force and the dark, that can be found in every character, and pure lazer blast filled excitement. Pick up this book, and don’t worry, the comic shop owner will hide it in a brown bag, so that no one outside the store knows what you bought.

Imagine if the Joker was played by the actor who starred in ‘Waiting’ and ‘Van Wilder’. Wouldn’t you actually go and slaughter the person who sold you your ticket for the ‘Dark Knight’ (Wait, why would you be buying the ticket in the first place?) You would send an anthrax laced letter to Christopher Nolan. ‘The Dark Knight’ would have made only 10 percent of it’s tremendous profit.

But you see, Batman means big bucks in Hollywood, and so therefore, great detail is spent on the writing, producing and casting of all Batman films. Unfortunately, the same thing cannot be said for Deadpool. “Who the fuck is Deadpool?”, you might ask. Well, he is one of Marvel’s most entertaining characters to read about, and he is going to be played by Ryan Reynolds in the upcoming X-men movie prequel ‘X-men Origins: Wolverine’

Deadpool’s nickname is “The Merc With the Mouth” and it is quite fitting. He matches up with Spidey in terms of banter and costume design. If you change Spidey’s blue coloring to black and get rid of the weblines, you basically have Deadpool. Pull off his mask and you won’t find a weepy Tobey Maguire. No. Underneath Deadpool’s mask is a face that looks a lot like Beefaroni.

You see, Deadpool was once an everyday killer for hire named Wade Wilson, who was eventually diagnosed with cancer. He was drafted by Department H (which will most likely be called Weapon X in the upcoming ‘Wolverine’ movie) to be genetically experimented on, with the hopes of getting rid of his cancer. The experiments gave Wilson an incredible healing power, but left him looking more like kibbles and bits.

Deadpool’s brain is pretty fried as well. His inner monologue can go back and forth from first person, to second to third. He also switches sides in conflicts more often than John Kerry.

You can jump on board, if you like Deadpool’s newest set of adventures. He just got his own ongoing comic book series, and the first issue came out this month.

There is one plus side to Deadpool being in this new movie – his costume looks pretty sick. Check out the photo I posted. That is what you should dress up as for Halloween. Think how easy it will be to start up a conversation with the ladies, when every single other guy our age is dressed like the Joker, and they come over to you and say “I didn’t know Spider-man used guns.”

Batman is using his special flashy flash karate moves, taking out the alien soldiers that are attempting to take over the city. In his gravely voice, he lets out an intelligent quip. Before one of the aliens, sneaking up behind him can attack, Superman flies down and blasts the baddy, into a pile of green goo, with his heat vision. Superman heads back into the stratosphere, but first he mentions to Batman that he had an amazing time in bed with him last night.

WHAT?

Oh wait, that wasn’t Batman or Superman, that was Midnighter and Apollo, the two most well known characters that have come from the WILDSTORM comic book universe. Give Midnighter horns, change his blank trench coat for a cape, and he is basically Batman. Apollo is superman with long blonde hair, and no cape. These characters are not blatant rip offs, they are like many other superheroes that aren’t made by either MARVEL or DC, characters that take qualities from some of the old school iconic superheroes, and give them a modern, and sometimes completely unexpected twist.

Now, your inner bigot might come out now, and be like “Fuck, homosexual superheroes. I am done reading this column. When did I schedule my manicure again?” but Midnighter and Apollo are made specifically for you. They are scary bastards, who also just happen to be happily married gay men. Midnighter can come up with fifty ways to kill you, right when he first meets you. He has two hearts (mostly so he doesn’t get worn out, during all that man-sex. Nah, just kidding) and cyberneticly enhanced reflexes. Apollo has no qualms about melting peoples flesh off with his heat vision, or punching a hole through someone’s chest. You would be worried for Batman and Superman, if they were to go up against these two.

You can tell that when a WILDSTORM comic book character is being thought up, the writer in charge is letting his or her inner comic book dork come out. He/She is thinking about a classic MARVEL or DC character, imagining what it would be like if their classic character was invented during the digital age as opposed to the cold war error.

What if there was a team of incredibly powerful superheroes who didn’t just respond to crisis situations, but attempted to change the way the government ran things and actively wanted to help the environment and humanity in general? That question led to the creation of the AUTHORITY, the team that Midnighter and Apollo are on. What if there was a race of aliens, like Kryptonians, that basically looked like humans, but were far more powerful, and they actually came to earth when humanity was just starting out, and has been influencing things from then until now. Those aliens are the Kherans, immortal supermen, who similar to fighters in films like “The Matrix” and the solid gold “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2:The Secret Of The Ooze”, use kick-ass martial arts and weapons of all different kinds. You can find them in WILDCATS, another WILDSTORM book.

I was recently homeward bound for the past few days, due to a high fever and a few other flue like symptoms. When I got bored of watching ‘The Price is Right’ (isn’t that what all of us do when we take a sick day, Dane Cook?) and countless “No one is home, this is perfect” masturbation sessions, I decided to go through the comics that I had let pile up, over the past few months.

By doing so, I came across (which is always messy. Once again, just kidding) a whole set of WILDSTORM books. I didn’t know what to expect, since the majority of WILDSTORM characters were created in the 90s, which if you read my earlier columns, you would know was the period of bland characters and unimaginative writing in comics. It turns out the current writers of WILDSTORM comics have been given free reign to do whatever crazy shenanigans they can come up with, since not that many people either know about, or buy their books. This leads to some pretty awesome storytelling.

In the past three days, I read WILDSTORM: ARMAGEDDON, WILDSTORM: REVELATIONS and NUMBER OF THE BEAST, all amazing books where writers Christos Gage and Scott Beatty basically destroyed the entire Earth. It was such a fun read.

The best part? All of the four flagship WILDSTORM titles are still being published, even though the superheroes lost and their world looks like ours will, in say twenty years or so (a giant ash tray). So, this is the best time for you to sign on, Closet Fanboy. You can start off in the brand new version of the WILDSTORM universe, one that not a lot of people know about. Even the guys at local comic shops don’t know a great deal about WILDSTORM books. It can be your own little playground.

Remember those pre- 9/11 days when films were really good at making us look deeper at our everyday lives? I mean, look at ‘American Beauty’ for Christsakes, “Look Closer” was the tag line of the movie. All in one year, just a few weekends apart, you had ‘The Matrix’, ‘American Beauty’ and that movie that everyone from my generation used to say represented them, ‘Fight Club’. Come on, how many of you had a Tyler Durden quote, in your profile, when you first started using AOL instant messenger?

Sadly, those days are gone now. We have fantasy filled film after fantasy filled film, and we don’t feel bad about being ourselves anymore while watching them. I want some Sadomasochism with my Escapism, God Dammit! “Wait,” you say while reading this, “Isn’t this the comic book guy’s column, that I never comment on, and not the film review column?” And you would be right. I have a segue, though, don’t worry.

The superstar, that has been on every comics related and film related site in the past month, (and that I interviewed for my last two weeks worth of columns) Mark Millar, is a fan of that type of storytelling. He may be in the media now, because he is in the works for setting up a possible re-launch of the SUPERMAN franchise, and that Nicolas Cage has just joined the cast for the movie, based on his book KICK ASS, but Mark Millar has had a place in my heart and in the heart of many a geek, based purely on his comic book work. Millar gets what it is to be a comic fan and he makes us fans both proud and ashamed at the same time.

KICK ASS, which Millar recommend I review for this column, is the perfect example of such a story. Here is the synopsis of this limited series, which I stole from the beginning of the fourth issue:

“Dave Lizewski wasn’t the class jock or the class geek. He wasn’t the class clown or a class genius or anything… but he was a comic fan. One day, he put on a superhero costume-and got his ass kicked. That didn’t stop him, though. And the next time he put on the costume…he saved some guys life.”

KICK ASS takes the hypothetical fantasy that all of us comic dorks have- ‘what would it be like to be a superhero and fight crime?’ And answers it with, ‘Pretty brutal and embarrassing.’ The life of the main character, Dave, has been pretty embarrassing and people have been brutal (although with their honesty and not physical aggression) to him. In the first issue, he waits outside of the local gym, for a chance encounter with Katie, the girl he has a crush on. He lays the line on her that he didn’t know she went to the gym, and her bitter response is that she saw him when her dad dropped her off at the gym, and that the guy at the door has been watching him, standing outside for the past three hours. Ouch.

Dave’s superhero costume is a wet suit he bought off E-bay. He gets an almost erotic like thrill, when he wears it underneath his clothes, during school. He is pathetic, but that is why you love him. Like so many other losers who become instant celebrities, Dave, now calling himself KICK ASS, has footage of his exploits all over the internet. It is all spawning from his second fight, which was videotaped by someone using their cell phone.

The book is beautiful to look at, as well. John Romita Jr, whose father is a comic book icon, shows off his amazing pencils within every issue. It is more of a treat to see his work in KICK ASS, as opposed to his regular Marvel comics, because Mark Millar’s scripts force him to have to draw the most deranged things. Take the beginning of issue four for example. A little girl, wearing a costume similar to Robin’s, shoves a katana blade through the head of a gang banger, on the first page. She then proceeds to slice off the arms of another thug, the legs of his friend, and sticks two swords though the prostitute, the unfortunate criminals hired.

Wall to wall violence. Self deprecating jokes abound. Whether you like comics or not, KICK ASS is worth picking up.

Oh, so you came here to read an article, while you are trying to waste time at work? You didn’t want to read a novel’s length of interview? Well, what you are about to read it part two of the interview that started off in last week’s Notes to the Closet Dork. Head over there if you want to see part one of me interviewing Comics and Hollywood big shot, Mark Millar.

PETE: Now, let’s move onto CIVIL WAR. It has had a tremendous effect on the Modern Marvel Universe. Now that it has been two years since it has ended, are you satisfied with what the current Marvel Writers are doing with your ideas?

MILLAR: To be honest, I didn’t read it. I stopped reading, genuinely, after it [CIVIL WAR], because I wanted to focus on creator owned stuff. So, what I did was I went off and did my own thing. Because I didn’t want to hinder myself. The thing with that is, I felt I did my job, and set it up and let other people run with it.

PETE:Did the editors at Marvel or fellow writers suggest you tie in CIVIL WAR to SECRET INVASION? (Note: SECRET INVASION is a major crossover at Marvel right now, that involves an alien race of shape shifters, who have secretly -get it?- infiltrated all the major groups on earth. This storyline has been developing over the past five years)

MILLAR: I tried to make it [CIVIL WAR] as standalone was possible, that was really important to me. You could just pick up those seven issues. Because I think the thing with books now, you have to buy three hundred comics to understand the whole thing. I really wanted it, even though it did tie in with a lot of books, just to have the seven issues, to have a beginning a middle and an end.

(Now here is the thing. This was my first professional interview. I am a nervous guy in general. Interviewing one of my idols, the fact that I didn’t just speak in gibberish while I was turning beet red is a major compliment. Actually, there was one point where I pretty much said nonsense, but I am not throwing that in the interview. The reason I bring this up, is because I worded the next question poorly. Read on, and I will explain….)

PETE: What do you feel are the perks of getting into comics at this point in time, and what do you think are the disadvantages?

MILLAR: The obvious advantage is that almost anything you do as a creator-owned book, is getting turned into a film now, or certainly bought as a movie. If it is any good, it is getting turned into a film. That’s a huge advantage, because , think about it, historically, the industry doesn’t look after its older creators, you know. You can create Marvel and DC can utilize and make a lot of money from. Historically, guys have been ripped off.
We now live in a time when guys are actually making a really good living off of their own creations. Mike Mignolia could retire now, because HELLBOY could pay him off for life. They will be doing remakes of HELLBOY and future movies, based on his characters, for the next hundred years probably.
That’s the thing, because is a weird job and an unsafe job. If you are lucky, you get ten or twenty years doing it, and then you don’t anymore. But if you can keep the copyright on the characters, imagine Joe Schuster or any of those guys, or Gardner Fox, or any of the guys who created The Golden Age characters had kept the copyrights. They wouldn’t be penniless in their old age.
We are the first generation to come along and actually keep the money.

(OK, back to the Pete director’s commentary: When you say ‘get into comics’ to someone who writes comics, they think you mean start a career in comics. I was really asking Mark Millar what he thought were the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a comics fan now. Did I correct myself at the time? No, I pretty much smiled and nodded, moving this interview boat off course.)

PETE: It seems like every medium is feeding into the other, that comics are taking from television and vice versa and that films are taking from comics..

MILLAR: Well it is funny , but we all seem to work on the same things. Isn’t that interesting? The same guys who do LOST, are the same guys who work on the Ultimate [comic book] line. The same guys who do HEROES, are working in the Marvel Universe. We all cross pollinate. You know, like I will work on film stuff, as well as comics and there is also the video game thing. So it is really a small number of guys running the whole geek show.

PETE: It has been a few years since you worked on CHOSEN. What made you want to write something that was both horrific and filled with strong religious concepts?

MILLAR: Do you know the honest thing? Mel Gibson had just done this Jesus movie, and I was thinking I wouldn’t mind some of those Jesus dollars. They are making SPIDER-MAN 2 and SPIDER-MAN 3, but where is the PASSION 2 and the PASSION 3? I had written a story a couple of years ago, I had come up with an idea that was a sequel to the Bible. The very first thing I ever sold was a sequel to the Bible, and I called it Bible 2. It was my plan. I just thought wouldn’t it be nice, then we could ask “what would happen next?” That is where the initial idea came from.
Plus I like the fact that is has characters everyone knows. Like SUPERMAN and BATMAN, everybody knows them, and I think the Bible characters are kind of like that too. So CHOSEN the movie and the comic just came from that. Why? is that cynical? (laughs)

PETE: Yeah. It was an excellent story though. So, CHOSEN is going to be made into a film as well?

MILLAR: KICK ASS starts filming in three weeks. Then we finish production on KICK ASS. The final edit of it will be completed by April next year. Then we go into production on CHOSEN.

That’s it this week kiddies. For more information on Mark Millar go to Millarworld.tv, his official site. Next week, I am going to review the first three issues of KICK ASS (or how Mark Millar says in his wonderful Scottish accent, KEK ICE)

The world of Comics used to be like a jaded ex-girlfriend. I can’t blame her though. I broke up with her quite suddenly. We started out when I was just hitting puberty, and she had already gotten a lot of attention beforehand. I gave her all of my love, for a time, and of course, all my money. Then, when I was in my sophomore year of High School, I noticed how reading comics might actually hurt my chances of getting with a real life girl. The world of comics and I went our separate ways.

This was a common occurrence in the mid-nineties. A lot of people, who are now in their mid twenties grew out of comics. You would think that guys would be hooked on the stuff back then, since cover after cover had a chick with bean bag chair sized breasts attached to her Olympic athlete physique. For all the freaks out there, there were women that looked like they belonged in a strip club in almost every mainstream book, only they would have horns or blue skin, or clown faces. But the T and A didn’t keep the guys interested. But the World of Comics had other tricks up her sleeve. Comic book writers noticed that Wolverine was an extremely popular character. All of a sudden, left and right, there were guys popping up with all different types of claws, slicing shit up. Still, I didn’t give the world of comics a second glance, as I passed her on the street I knew her building was on (get it, the comic book store? I hope this metaphor is working for you). Violent claw guys grew stale for the average comic reader as well, and sales began to plummet for every company. Hell, Marvel even ended up filing for bankruptcy at one point!

So while I was paying attention to real women, the World of comics did what most people do when they have been broken up with, she decided to improve herself, to look back on her life and become a more mature being.

One great example of this is a comic that came out in the mid-nineties called Starman. Starman isn’t a household name, unless your mom says to you “Wasn’t that a movie starring Jeff Bridges? The one where the he was an alien?” and no, the Starman comic has nothing to do with that quality film.
Starman is a character that started out the same time as Batman or Superman, in what is considered the Golden Age of comics, but as you can see, there aren’t kids running around playgrounds, with sticks in their hands, going “watch out, I am going to hit you with my cosmic rod!” Well, hopefully there aren’t people out there, in general, saying that.
The Golden Age Starman became what people in the comics industry call a B-list character. B-List characters are like the kid at recess that gets picked after all the popular kids have been chosen. He isn’t the kind of guy who would be in your Top eight friends.
Starman in the nineties was a whole ‘nother can of soup. Writer James Robinson spun a tale about Jack Knight, who is a junk dealer, that also happens to be the son of Ted Knight, who is the original Starman. Now, I throw in the whole junk dealer aspect into the description, because it actually plays a big part in the book. Most of the time, comic book characters are either reporters, or cops, or millionaires while in their secret identity. James Robinson was able to give Jack an original career, and what a quirky job being a junk dealer really is! For a millisecond, reading this book, I actually reconsidered the goals I had for my life, and thought about becoming a junk dealer. I pictured myself trading some of my grandfather’s toy trains for an old pair of disco boots, and then selling it in whatever sort of Junk Dealer store I would eventually open up. That’s how good this book is, and so far I am just talking about the heroes’ day job.
The beauty of Starman, is that you can go into the book cold. You don’t have to know any of the history of the character. You get to start out fresh, just like Jack Knight does. In the beginning of the book, Jack’s older brother David has just started to fill in for their father as the brand new Starman. We don’t get to spend much time seeing how David does, since a bullet pierces his chest and he dies on the third page of the first issue.
David’s killer happens to be the son of the original Starman’s archenemy, The Mist. Once again, you don’t need to know any of this beforehand, Robinson does an amazing job telling you everything you need to know about Starman to make this story work. The Mist and his two children wreak havoc on Starman’s home, Opal city. All hell breaks loose.
Of course, you can guess what eventually has to happen, Jack ‘man’s up’ and becomes Starman. But unlike his brother, Jack doesn’t wear his father’s clothes. He becomes his own type of Starman, wearing his own type of outfit. The outfit is made up of a black trench coat, jeans and Welding goggles. I guess he was sort of going for the German industrial metal look, but you can’t blame him. It was the 90s.
Just as Jack’s Starman is different from the Golden Age Starman, the stories in this book are different from your atypical superhero stories: For every year that the comic was out, there is a heartfelt issue, where Jack has a conversation about his childhood with the ghost of his brother. Jack gets drugged and kidnapped by the Mist’s crazy daughter, and she rapes him, which results in her being pregnant with his child. Jack ends up saving a group of freak show performers from their demonic ringmaster, and afterwards he has sex with an octopus lady. You think I made that one up? See there is even stuff in this book for the aforementioned freaks.
Starman is like some of the other rare gems that came out of the 90s comic dark age, like The Sandman or Preacher, they all have realistic main characters and go in directions no comics have ever gone before. See, if I had known that the World of Comics had been trying so hard to better herself in the early nineties, I would have gotten back with her sooner. Well, don’t worry she ended up taking me back a few years ago. We have been great with each other since. That would explain my two maxed out credit cards and lack of saved cash.
Speaking of blowing money on comics, if you actually want to take my word and read the Starman story from the beginning, you can head on over to your local comic book store. Now, on sale is the Starman Omnibus, a beautiful hardcover collecting issues #0-16. It’s $49.99, but worth a lot more than a trip to Applebees, a box set of season two of the Hills, or four beers plus tip in Manhattan.

Your eyes adjust as you walk out of the packed theater. You catch the group of thugs, who decided to call out to each other and disrupt the movie. For a split second, you think back to the movie you just saw. You place yourself in the interrogation room in the Gotham precinct. One of the thugs is The Joker (though a great deal less terrifying and nowhere near as intelligent) and you are The Batman (go ahead use your Gravelly voice “I’M NOT WEARING HOCKEY PADS!”). Man, I bet a little smirk makes its way to your face. It’s alright, I allow you. After all, that is one of the perks of escaping into a fantasy world. You have the power to do what you want.
Oh boy, and what a fantasy world The Dark Knight was. We all know Gotham City, right? We grew up watching Batman: the Animated series. When I say we, I mean all of us, not just us guys who lost our virginity late in college. I’m sure out there, even one of the cool jocks from your high school, who is now either a bad ass cop, or works on wall street, could tell you who the head of the police in Gotham city is. He could name at least five members of Batman’s Rogues Gallery (well, you might have to explain what a Rogues Gallery is, at first) and what there real names are.
We all know that the Penguin is Oswald Cobbelpot. I mean come on, Danny Devito used that name at least ten times in Batman Returns, and each of us has seen that movie at least a half a dozen times since it came out.
We grew up, with Gotham as a vacation spot. All of us. A city that, as adults, we would stay as far away from as possible. If Gotham existed, we would see it on the AOL Welcome screen every couple of months. It would always be there, when they listed the Ten Most Dangerous Cities To Live In America, the little caption under the headline would read: Guess which city makes number one, for the twentieth time in a row? It is a scary place, where you are guaranteed to get mugged if you are walking alone on the street at night. You wouldn’t want to go to any clubs in Gotham, or attend any Gala events. Mr. Freeze could just pop in and say “Ice to see you” and zap you with his freeze ray.
It is a dark and brutal place, and yet growing up, every so often, we would take a little trip there, when our real world seemed worse.
Some of us would get even more adventurous, and take a trip to Metropolis, to hang out with a certain Man of Steel. And for a very select few of us, we would travel even further from our real world home. We would travel to Coast City, to catch a glimpse of Green Lantern while he was back on Earth, or we would travel to Keystone city, hoping to feel the wind, as a red blur shot by (for those of you non-dorks, that would be what the Flash would look like).
Personally, I take vacations to these cities at least once a month, and I am way beyond my ‘developmental years’. I am adult who loves comics, plain and simple. But you don’t have to feel awkward around me. I don’t refer to characters like the Hulk or Booster Gold (who?) as if they are real people. I don’t dress up as Hellboy ,when I wait in line behind Vulcans, to get into Comiccon.
Those who know me, know I am obsessed with comics, but I don’t shove it in people’s faces. I pretend to be a normal person, like you. With this column, I hope to make you a full fledged comics enthusiast, while retaining your normal person secret identity. I want you to come here, every Thursday morning, and listen to me ramble on about what I bought in my favorite comic book store. I will save the trip for you. I wont use terms like “ret-conning” or “Pre-Crisis”. I will talk like the average Entertainment Weekly reporter, who is covering something in the world of Comics. I am your ambassador, Your tour guide (and if I get you hooked on a book) the dealer hiding in the alley (just not in Gotham, Batman will pounce my ass, then).
So, for each of you who entertained the thought of “Should I go pick up a comic?” after you wiped the drool off your chin caused by watching The Dark Knight, make your way over to this column every week. I can get you started on the right path. Next week will be the first step.