4 Fights I Would Give My Left (and only) Nut To See
It’s kind of like celebrity death match except much cooler and way more realistic.
December 8, 2009 by sham
Filed under Bizarre, Humor, Sports, The McGyptian Blog
Greetings Valtrex Users,
I was practicing some MMA fighting with my 3 year old brother when it dawned on me. I SHOULD MAKE A LIST OF SOME AMAZING FIGHTS THAT ANYONE WOULD KILL TO SEE!
Go clean yourself up you cry-baby. Pick up your pacifier and go cry to mommy… I can’t stand sore losers.
So, without further ado…
Stephen Hawking
VS.
A LION
I know you’re asking, Sham, Stephen is paralyzed isn’t he? You’re god damned right he is. I am not here to make it a fair fight, but I AM here to make it a fun-to-watch fight. Look at him blinking trying to wheel away faster. THE LION WINS!
Mike Tyson
VS.
Dakota Fanning
I am especially excited about this one. One one hand we have one of the most powerful and explosive boxers who has ever lived, and on the other hand we have one of the most charismatic, most talented young actresses of our time. As every boxing enthusiast knows, enthusiasm, pure power and an unmatched hatred for women equals one hell of a fight. We should probably have the ambulance ready beforehand though… Oh hey officer…
Lindsay Lohan
VS.
Amy Winehouse
VS.
A Kilo of cocaine
This was over before it started. They have both overdosed and have recieved million dollar movie and music contracts respectively…Life is fair huh?! You do blow all the time and all it does is leave you do drugs everyday and all it does is leave you broke and covered in fratboy semen. No, I’m not talking to you I am talking to your sister.
THE MAIN EVENT!
THE SPLOOGTASTIC MAIN EVENT SPONSORED BY KLEENEX BRINGS YOU…
Bar Rafaeli
VS.
Jessica Biel
Now I know all the guys are already on their second box of tissues after seeing these two, but this fight is gonna be tough! This KY catfight is gonna pit 2 of the hottest women on earth to a battle of beauty as well as MMA skills. Blood, Sweat, and Titties! Tickets for the main event are on sale now for $4,000,000,000.99 at DOGANDPONYSHOWWEBSITE.COM/BOXOFFICE
ORDER NOW! THE OPERATORS IN MY FANTASY ARE STANDING BY!
I have successfully removed my testicle and I have mailed it to both Bar and Jessica. I will sit here and wait for their reply until it arrives…or until I die from blood loss. Til then
Love always,
Sham “Carpel Tunnel King” TM
Loading ...
Comments
This website uses IntenseDebate comments, but they are not currently loaded because either your browser doesn't support JavaScript, or they didn't load fast enough.