Wow, we’re up to 2007 already? We’ve gone through so much stuff that has sucked, I can’t handle anymore! Here’s what sucked in 2007.
MOVIES (contributed by Daye)
Who’s Your Caddy?: I’m mad that this movie EVEN exists!!!
When a rap mogul from Atlanta tries to join a conservative country club in the Carolinas he runs into fierce opposition from the board President- but it’s nothing that he and his entourage can’t handle
Why didn’t they just call it “Black Caddy Shack“??? We get it! Black people be all crazy and shit… and white people are all proper and what not. Shutup. Though it was written by the creator of Juwanna Mann so it can’t be that bad. SIKE!
SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)
Barry Bonds (steroids) passes Hank Aaron to become career leader in home runs (steroids steroids steroids steroids).
Barry Bonds raised both arms over his head like a prize fighter in victory, fists clenched — and then he took off.It was over at long last.
Like him or not, legitimate or not, he is baseball’s new home run king.
Bonds hit No. 756 to the deepest part of the ballpark Tuesday night, and hammered home that very point. He broke Hank Aaron’s storied record with one out in the fifth inning, hitting a full-count, 84 mph pitch from Washington’s Mike Bacsik.
“I knew I hit it,” Bonds said. “I knew I got it. I was like, phew, finally.”
Later, he firmly and flatly rejected any suggestion that this milestone was stained by steroids.
“This record is not tainted at all. At all. Period,” Bonds said. (Via ESPN 08/08/07)
Also in 07”… the Ducks fly together to win the Stanley Cup over the Ottawa Senators without the help of Gordon Bombay.
TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)
You don’t have to be tech savvy to know why this made the list of things we hate about the 2000s. Windows Vista was officially released to the public on January 30th, 2007. After the success of Windows XP in 2001, Microsoft wanted more money. With Apple making their new-fangled and attractive operating system, Billy G. knew just what to do – make a pretty version of Windows XP with new features no one cares about! He gangsta.
User Account Control (UAC) is the biggest pain in the ass to anyone who doesn’t know how to…well, control it. Every time you want to open anything, Vista is all, “OMG are you sure? We could get the herp!” and you’re like, “Yes, bitch. Please open Microsoft Word.” It asks you to give permission to Windows to open Windows files. Seriously? Couldn’t Microsoft just fix their glitchy and vulnerable operating system in the first place? Oh wait, that’d be too much value for a single Windows release. Instead they made it look pretty (well, they said they made it look pretty), and then they added a laundry list of new bugs.
GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)
Looney Tunes: Acme Arsenal (Wii, PS2, Xbox360) – You would think that with a title like ACME Arsenal you would get all the awesome acme stuff from all the classic cartoons; well you would be wrong. Spring-loaded boxing glove gun and a bear-trap-launching gun are the only kinda cool ACME stuff you’ll find everything else is pretty standard like a freeze gun, shotgun, grenade launcher, and Gatling gun. The Wii version is completely unplayable, the Xbox360 the camera was just awful and the PS2 played a lot like the Xbox360 only better because the camera problems were fixed. Game play was sadly mediocre seeing as how it’s the Looney Tunes there is so much that could be done with this franchise and instead they give it a crap story – Dr. Frakenbean reaches the breaking point with Bugs and his friends and decides to send an army of killer robots after their ancestors, whatevs great characters, horrible game.
INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)
2007, what a frickin year. While we were all making fun of Britney Spears’ meltdown due to the pressures of the MK-Ultra program Chris Crocker wanted us to LEAVE HER ALONE. While I’m on the topic, Taylor Swift launched an anti-sex-crime-from-online-predator campaign that did literally nothing. Keyboard Cat was uploaded, but not popular until Steven Colbert used it on his show in 2009. FOX 11 in LA did an excellent story about people buying dogs and curtains or something about hackers on steroids. College Students got tazed, Tay Zonday became a global phenomenon, Chipmunks got , Rack ‘em Rack Willie made me want to quit school and drink vodka, and the most popular compilation of funny cat videos ever is posted. Also, 2007 marked the first ever time that something really interesting and important to this conversation was used.
Editor’s Note: This “gem” also stunk up on the intertubes in 2007.
ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)
Linkin Park was, up to this point, a decent-enough band. MAYBE a bit too mainstream for some, but still respected enough by the majority to matter. That is, until they released the mainstream-fence shattering “Minutes To Midnight”: an album where every single song has just enough instrumentation to constitute being a song, yet not one track EVER breaks through to anything resembling a climax. This band has become so mainstream they’ve been in, not one, but TWO Transformers films. Both featuring songs that sound exactly the same. Once you start getting lumped in by Michael Bay, you know it can’t get much worse…or can it?
POP (contributed by Lauren)
So the reason why I volunteered to write this section of We Hate The 2000s is because I love pop music. One of the bands I adored growing up was Spice Girls. This was back in the 90s when they are popular. Give me a break ladies. This was the year they announced their come back tour. Don’t get me wrong, I think the girls are all very talented, but they were so 1998. Posh, please stay home with your husband before I steal him from you, thanks.
Also, Britney Spears opened the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards and boy did she really blow it.
HIP HOP (contributed by Emilio Sparks)
NOTE I’m not a fan of repetitive rap , and somehow repetitive rap became all the rage with you kids. Lets repeat the same 5 or 6 words over and over again, 2007 was the year for repetitive rap. The two songs I chose for this are Soulja Boy’s “Tell ‘Em - Crank That (Soulja Boy)” and Lil’ Mama’s “Lip Gloss”. FML, FML ,FML ,FML, FML 2007 was the year of the YUCK all across the board
Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em - Crank That (Soulja Boy) ooooooooooooo the pain the pain of it all, this song took the over. Highschool kids everywhere would “crank that” , If you Youtube this song, you will see Tweens everywhere are still cranking that, even grown adults ask me for this song. This song also gave birth to Crank the spiderman, crank the batman etc…
Lil’ Mama’’s Lip Gloss… her first and last hit. Somehow Lil mama still is famous, I think Mario Lopez had something to do with that and then there was the MTV music awards indecent. But yeah, at one time Lil Mama tried to create music… she gave it the old college try.
TV (contributed by Chris)
07′ was the year that television, in all of it’s infinite wisdom, decided to introduce us (the unwitting public) to it’s good friend “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” Now, if you’re like my sister who constantly has the discovery/learning/nat-geo channels on, then you might have found this show interesting at first. But much like the importance of the birth of Hitler (he had to be a cute little baby at some point, right?) this fledgling series would grow up to put us in the face of EVIL. Her ridiculous hairdos, the split-up, Jon dating 20-year-olds, 8 screaming brats! You wanted Armageddon America? you got it.
Another sign of the return of our dark overlord was Veronica Mars getting the axe. After critical acclaim and surviving the CW network merger, VMars as I lovingly referred to it introduced the world to a savior whose name was Kristen Bell. Another smart, funny, well written show deemed unfit for airwaves that were fit for “Make me the next Elvira” or some shit. Shame on you CW. Shame on you America. The Darkness is upon us.
POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)
An inanimate statue becomes the first woman to serve the Speaker of the House of Representatives. Nancy Pelosi, the emotionless a representative of California—formerly of the Madame Tussauds wax museum—took the number two spot in the presidential line of succession. The nation was shocked two years later, when Congressman Joe Wilson called President Obama a liar—mostly because we realized that Pelosi is indeed capable of facial expression.
FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)
Fuck you Al Gore, there is no need for a green movement!! Let’s use carbon credits, yeah that’s a great idea…. We pay the companies to have electricity and then we pay you to what? save the environment? You set up this sham so that you can get away with wasting more electricity than anyone else. Besides the Earth will be fine. Mother Nature can and probably will kill us and rebuild herself with a more evolved species of cockroaches. These bugs can survive a nuclear bomb but not my foot! HA jerks.
Nintendo you have astonished and disappointed me in one fell swoop with the Wii. Yeah the Wii is cool (and fun to say: weeeeeeeeee) for all of 5 minutes but then I realized the point of playing video games is so I don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to have to run around the room to play a game of tennis. I just want to sit on the couch and move my thumb 3 millimeters to the left. Some might say “The Wii is awesome because it gives your body exercise! Did you try the ‘Wii fit’ it has yoga games and it will help you stay in shape!” Fuck You; AGAIN! You need a video game to keep you in shape? What are you a ‘moe?
Here’s my step by step process on how to get into shape:
Step 1: get off the couch you fat piece of shit
Step 2: ????
Step 3: PROFIT!
Oh you don’t want to do that? The stay home sit on your couch and I hope you have a heart attack while you are eating your chili cheese fries…those sound pretty good right about now.
Tags: acme, barry bonds, britney speas, caddy shack, chris crocker, gordon bombay, hank aaron, hockey, house of representatives, linkin park, looney tunesL acme arsenal, mighty ducks, mtv music awards, nancy pelosi, NHL, ps2, spice girls, stanley cup, steven colbert, transformers, We Hate The 2000s!, who's your caddy, wii, wondows vista, xbox 360
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