Welcome to our fourth installment of We Hate The 2000’s!
MOVIES (contributed by Daye)
SPORTS (contributed by Dave Poppa Checks)
Dumb ass Steve Bartman makes sure that the Chicago Cubs never win another World Series by catching the foul ball before Moises Alou could.
The Florida Marlins go on to win the series and beat the Yankees for the championship.
And don’t forget about Kobe Bryant going on trial for rape. Gosh, that sounds bad.
TECHNOLOGY (contributed by The Lobster Man and Dan Colonna)
In 2003, Nokia released the N-Gage. Everybody and their mother (mine included) thought that this was a great idea! Video games and a cellphone? In one device?! No way! Alas, it did exist. Just what I want, a system that will stop my gaming on-the-go to tell me that I’m getting another call from nana. The early 2000’s were a bad time for hybrid devices, and this is no exception. When the Game Boy Advance was released it outsold this piece’a junk 100 to 1! Right after that, retailers basically pulled back and said, “Okay, our bad.” and offered $100 rebates to the geniuses who purchased the N-Gage. Also, the name gives me unwanted bowel movements.
GAMING (contributed by MoonDoggie82)
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis (XBOX, GAMECUBE) – This game inspired X-Plays “Golden Mullet Awards” because of the horrible game play, cut scenes and his rocking mullet haircut. One reviewer stated that the graphics were unimpressive and that Aquaman looks like former rock star Ted Nugent on a bad hair day. The purpose of this game is to save Atlantis by swimming around 21 levels, 4 of them are submarine attacks defeating enemies with very simplistic kick, punch and grapple attacks. Horrible game for a horrible Superhero. (The game is currently selling on amazon for $.99 for the xbox, and $3.49 for the Gamecube)
INTERNET (contributed by Carlo)
2003 pretty much shaped this entire, shitty, crappy pseudo-existence we call the internet. First up, 4chan.org is founded. THANKS A BUNCH. To counteract the karmic conditions of the internet Tom made MySpace (which was eventually sold to News Corp, Home of FOX News, which pretty much solidified 4chan.org as the cesspool it currently is.) You know what else sucks? FLASH ANIMATIONS THAT REPEAT FOREVER like this:
Also, AOL was dropped from the AOL Time Warner corporate name, which admittedly, is kinda neutral. O RLY? Yes, really. The only good thing to come out of the internet this year?
MOTHER FUCKING BUBB RUBB
ROCK (contributed by The Mighty-Vin Forte)
2003 was the year Pete Townshend went from being “That guy from The Who” to “That guy who got caught with child porn.” Whoopsy! Eventually he was acquitted, because he’s in The fucking Who, but his reputation would be tarnished forever. Actually, all things given, he’s recovered quite nicely (except in the eyes of God! LOLZ).
The same can’t be said for another rock icon who’ll come under fire later that year: Phil Spector. But the bulk of his case doesn’t come about for another year or so.
POP (contributed by Lauren)
Who doesn’t like Jessica Simpson right? Well, I don’t. She may be beautiful and has been blessed with a huge rack, but she is quite irritating. If she wasn’t all over your radio in 2003 with her hit single “With You” she was ALL OVER the TV screen in MTV’s show Newlyweds.
And do you remember this controversial kiss? If you don’t, you obviously have been living under a rock since then. Every time someone mentions something about one of the three ladies in this video, it all starts back with the kiss.
Editor’s Note: I like this version better: Justin Timberlake getting OWNED!
Hip-Hip (by Emilio Sparks)
Eamon- F— It (I Don’t Want You Back) Was anyone a fan of this song ? I know somewhere there’s a chick or a group of chicks who went to catholic school that used to sing this on the way to school don’t lie, and you know there’s a dude that related to this song. This song earned Eamon a Guinness World Record for “the most expletives in a #1 song”. As the success of this song grew an answer single, “F.U.R.B. (Fuck You Right Back)“, by unknown female singer Frankee, who had claimed to be Eamon’s ex-girlfriend (which Eamon denied) became a one hit wonder. #truestory i know a kid who knows a kid who finger blasted this Frankee chick and whipped it on his brother roasted chicken. (side note: Eamon’s first single off his second album is really good)
TV (contributed by Chris)
There was a lot of good Television in the 2000s, and most of that began to sprout up in 2003 making my job more difficult with every passing year. However thanks to brilliant ideas like “Whoopi”, a sitcom featuring the washed up Whoopi Goldberg in a leading role, there’s still room to bitch. Whoopi made light of the Terrorist attacks on 9/11/01 by highlighting a character named Nasim who was a janitor perpetually dealing with being confused as a terrorist. You know what we call that? COMEDY GOLD!
Now, I’ve mentioned before the atrocity of canceling MTV’s animated series Clone High which ended up churning out a plethora of future stars including Zach Braff and Will Forte amongst others but you might not know that 2003 was also the last year for Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Dawsons Creek… What? Don’t hate, you know you love the WB’s teen melodrama in the late ninties. C’Mon, admit it! You all know you had scrapbooks with cutouts from magazines and printouts from the internet. Seriously, it couldn’t have been just me… could it? shit…
POLITICS (contributed by Will Kline)
With a tireless pursuit of Osama bin Laden, Al Qaeda and other terrorist cells based in Afghanistan, the United States naturally invades Iraq. In grand fashion, the fearless commander in chief declared “mission accomplished” on the back of an aircraft carrier two months after the conflict began, proving that the United States would be home from Iraq shortly.
FADS AND TRENDS (contributed by Drew)
Two Words: William Hung. That’s right this was the year that this brainiac cracked your funny bone. With his rendition of “She Bangs” he showed us just how dumb America can be. Yes it was funny the first and second time and even the third time but did he really need to come out with a cd? And did you really have to buy it?!
Uggs. Seriously, Uggs! I know that women love their shoes but come on. Go buy a pair of boots not a fashionista’s excuse to con you into looking like a fool. These “boots” are made of sheep fur and sheep skin. I hope your feet stay warm with the carcass of a sheep wrapped around your pretentious pedicured feet.
These boots pieces of shit were originally designed for World War I and II aviator pilots because their feet would freeze in the cabin. I just have the hardest time in the world trying to fool myself into believing that the people wearing these monstrosities are to going to be flying a plane. To quell the gigantic amount of RAGE I have right now towards these boots I have come up with the only 9 reasons why anyone can wear these boots:
- You are a fucking toolshed
- Your a aviator pilot flying in a plane with an unpressurized cabin
- Your a fucking moron
- You can’t think for yourself
- You already look like or enjoy looking like a piece of shit
- You hate animals and enjoy watching them suffer
- You are a giant ass ho
- Your name is Snooki
- You are Rachel McAdams, because she can do no wrong in my eyes
She totally makes everyth….wait what was I talking about?
Tags: afghanistan, al qaeda, aol, aol time warner, aquaman:battle for atlantis, ban affleck, bennifer, britney and madonna kiss, britney spears, chicago cubs, christina aguilera, clone high, dawsons creek, eamon, florida marlins, gameboy advance, gamecube, gigli, golden mullet awards, jennifer lopez, jessica simpson, justim timerlake, kobe bryant, madonna, moises alou, mtv, n-gage, New York Yankees, newlyweds, nokia, pete townshend, phil spector, psama bin laden, steve bartman, ted nugent myspace, the who, time warner, WB, We Hate The 2000s!, whoopie goldberg, william hung, world series, xbox, zach braff
5 comments
“There’s no way I’m going to Jersey without my hair gel, can’t leave without my gel.”
This guy will cut you with his fuckin head
Grease Pomp
“Cmon Bro, that new Cascada track is SICK”
Chinese Casanova
“Don’t let the spike hair fool you, like, I’m not a bitch.”
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