Posts in August, 2008

You may be a Classic Rock Guido.

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Do you think the Beatles wrote all their songs “mad high?”

Do you swear you love Pink Floyd but “can’t name any songs right now?”

Do you love Aerosmith because of that Eminem song?

Do you listen to Q104 in a Maxima with a “sick system?”

Do you only know the Grateful Dead because of the ice-cream flavor ‘Cherry Garcia?’

Every time The Eagles’ Hotel California is played, do you say “this song is the best?”

Do you consider 80s hair bands classic rock?

Do you wear a Rolling Stones t-shirt, Guinness flip-flops, and army cargo shorts to Belmar, New Jersey?

Do you fist pump to Journey?

Do you air-guitar while playing beer pong?

Is your favorite band a cover band?

Have you ever said “Not for nothin, but for a black, Jimi Hendrix was pretty sick?”

Have you ever said, “Not for nothin, but for a gay, that Queen queer can sing?”

Do you confuse the Allman Brothers with the Doobie Brothers when being asked if you recognize a Lynyrd Skynyrd song?

You have no idea what “Born in the USA” is really about yet you sing it patriotically.

Have you seen Bon Jovi live?

Have you paid for a Bon Jovi concert ticket?

Do you like honestly enjoy Bon Jovi?

Do you swear that your girlfriend loves Led Zeppelin but upon further questioning she says “Yeah, I love Led Zeppelin. He’s great.”

Do you spell “Zeppelin” wrong?
Does your music section on Myspace and Facebook say, “anything but country?”

Do you fist pump to Van Halen?

Do you consider the Red Hot Chili Peppers classic rock? Do you sing “Under the Bridge” as your argument?

Are you positive, without a shadow of a doubt that

Jimi Hendrix died of a Heroine overdose? AND Jim Morison?!!?

Do you like Jet?

Do you work-out to Black Sabbath?

Do you assume any song on ‘Rock Band’ or ‘Guitar Hero’ is classic rock?

…You may be a Classic Rock Guido.

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O, hai, who r u?

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I’ve always had this interesting habit while IMing with someone. I’m 85% sure everyone does this, so let me share in the point. Usually, if the conversation is good, I’ll get the chance to personify myself and/or my chatting partner as a character from movies or TV. Call it childish, but the internet knows no age (especially instant messaging, lol). “Dood, you totally sounded like Darth Vader just now. Guess that makes me Luke Skywalker! lmao1!11!!!” It’s just so fluid with the scope of things. It’s almost hard not to do this type of self-personification. The possibilities are endless.

This solidifies the idea that the internet is a place where we can play pretend all day and not get thrown into a looney bin. However, this line does get crossed when someone gets eyeball-deep in an online RPG. Not that I would know what that’s like. lol. jkjk.

NOTES TO THE CLOSET DORK- KICK ASS MARK MILLAR INTERVIEW, PART TWO

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Oh, so you came here to read an article, while you are trying to waste time at work? You didn’t want to read a novel’s length of interview? Well, what you are about to read it part two of the interview that started off in last week’s Notes to the Closet Dork. Head over there if you want to see part one of me interviewing Comics and Hollywood big shot, Mark Millar.

PETE: Now, let’s move onto CIVIL WAR. It has had a tremendous effect on the Modern Marvel Universe. Now that it has been two years since it has ended, are you satisfied with what the current Marvel Writers are doing with your ideas?

MILLAR: To be honest, I didn’t read it. I stopped reading, genuinely, after it [CIVIL WAR], because I wanted to focus on creator owned stuff. So, what I did was I went off and did my own thing. Because I didn’t want to hinder myself. The thing with that is, I felt I did my job, and set it up and let other people run with it.

PETE:Did the editors at Marvel or fellow writers suggest you tie in CIVIL WAR to SECRET INVASION? (Note: SECRET INVASION is a major crossover at Marvel right now, that involves an alien race of shape shifters, who have secretly -get it?- infiltrated all the major groups on earth. This storyline has been developing over the past five years)

MILLAR: I tried to make it [CIVIL WAR] as standalone was possible, that was really important to me. You could just pick up those seven issues. Because I think the thing with books now, you have to buy three hundred comics to understand the whole thing. I really wanted it, even though it did tie in with a lot of books, just to have the seven issues, to have a beginning a middle and an end.

(Now here is the thing. This was my first professional interview. I am a nervous guy in general. Interviewing one of my idols, the fact that I didn’t just speak in gibberish while I was turning beet red is a major compliment. Actually, there was one point where I pretty much said nonsense, but I am not throwing that in the interview. The reason I bring this up, is because I worded the next question poorly. Read on, and I will explain….)

PETE: What do you feel are the perks of getting into comics at this point in time, and what do you think are the disadvantages?

MILLAR: The obvious advantage is that almost anything you do as a creator-owned book, is getting turned into a film now, or certainly bought as a movie. If it is any good, it is getting turned into a film. That’s a huge advantage, because , think about it, historically, the industry doesn’t look after its older creators, you know. You can create Marvel and DC can utilize and make a lot of money from. Historically, guys have been ripped off.
We now live in a time when guys are actually making a really good living off of their own creations. Mike Mignolia could retire now, because HELLBOY could pay him off for life. They will be doing remakes of HELLBOY and future movies, based on his characters, for the next hundred years probably.
That’s the thing, because is a weird job and an unsafe job. If you are lucky, you get ten or twenty years doing it, and then you don’t anymore. But if you can keep the copyright on the characters, imagine Joe Schuster or any of those guys, or Gardner Fox, or any of the guys who created The Golden Age characters had kept the copyrights. They wouldn’t be penniless in their old age.
We are the first generation to come along and actually keep the money.

(OK, back to the Pete director’s commentary: When you say ‘get into comics’ to someone who writes comics, they think you mean start a career in comics. I was really asking Mark Millar what he thought were the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a comics fan now. Did I correct myself at the time? No, I pretty much smiled and nodded, moving this interview boat off course.)

PETE: It seems like every medium is feeding into the other, that comics are taking from television and vice versa and that films are taking from comics..

MILLAR: Well it is funny , but we all seem to work on the same things. Isn’t that interesting? The same guys who do LOST, are the same guys who work on the Ultimate [comic book] line. The same guys who do HEROES, are working in the Marvel Universe. We all cross pollinate. You know, like I will work on film stuff, as well as comics and there is also the video game thing. So it is really a small number of guys running the whole geek show.

PETE: It has been a few years since you worked on CHOSEN. What made you want to write something that was both horrific and filled with strong religious concepts?

MILLAR: Do you know the honest thing? Mel Gibson had just done this Jesus movie, and I was thinking I wouldn’t mind some of those Jesus dollars. They are making SPIDER-MAN 2 and SPIDER-MAN 3, but where is the PASSION 2 and the PASSION 3? I had written a story a couple of years ago, I had come up with an idea that was a sequel to the Bible. The very first thing I ever sold was a sequel to the Bible, and I called it Bible 2. It was my plan. I just thought wouldn’t it be nice, then we could ask “what would happen next?” That is where the initial idea came from.
Plus I like the fact that is has characters everyone knows. Like SUPERMAN and BATMAN, everybody knows them, and I think the Bible characters are kind of like that too. So CHOSEN the movie and the comic just came from that. Why? is that cynical? (laughs)

PETE: Yeah. It was an excellent story though. So, CHOSEN is going to be made into a film as well?

MILLAR: KICK ASS starts filming in three weeks. Then we finish production on KICK ASS. The final edit of it will be completed by April next year. Then we go into production on CHOSEN.

That’s it this week kiddies. For more information on Mark Millar go to Millarworld.tv, his official site. Next week, I am going to review the first three issues of KICK ASS (or how Mark Millar says in his wonderful Scottish accent, KEK ICE)

5 Underrated Bands…

Here are five bands that need and deserve your immediate attention.

DEVO:

Make no mistake, DEVO is more than just a one hit wonder. Whip It isn’t even considered anywhere close to their greatest song by their hardcore fans. Speaking of which, DEVO has been a cult staple since 1978. With synth/pop/guitars they were able to create a weird and satisfying blend of sounds that still hold up today. Listen to any of their material circa pre-Whip It and it’s clear why they still have a large cult fanbase to this day. It’s music for the hip-to-be-square science-class nerd in us all.

Times New Viking:

Lo-Fi Indie-Rock at it’s purest and most-effective. Songs that subscribe to the Joey Ramone school of songwriting: Keep it short and energetic. With most songs under 2:00 each, if you don’t like one song, a new one will be up in literally a minute. Although you won’t find a whole lot to hate on any of their albums. With distorted guitars (as well as often inaudible vocals) TNV are slowly carving out a nice little niche for themselves on the Indie scene.

Kaiser Cheifs:

Kaiser Cheifs sound like what Oasis could/maybe should have sounded like. There, I said it. No apologies.

Soul Coughing:

Best way to describe their sound would be a cross between anything rock that came out in 1997 and a more-focused Presidents of the U.S.A. Highly underrated. They had a small success with their song Circles but their catalog holds so much more than meets the eye.

Peter Criss’ Solo Album:

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Cat make-up.

Wahoo Skiffle Crazies:
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Jug band music? Why not. The Wahoos always bring their A-game to the table. Some may scoff at first and rule them off as sheer novelty; but listen with a keen ear and you will find that there is a level of genuine authenticity to them. These guys (and gals) are the real deal. With extremely energetic sets filled with jug-band classics and original songs, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more enjoyable live act this side of 1875 (or 2008 for that matter).

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DEGOCAST 06: About “Vag**a Dendata”

We'd Still Hit It

Sparks and Futureboy entertain good friends of the show Mike Rios and Callender of Richmond Hood. Mike Rios shares some crazy stories and Callender turns out to be an amazing 3rd Mic.

Music in this Episode from Happy Anarchy “Bomp”, Beyond Belief “Don’t Touch” and Murder By The Groove “Miasma”

Nixon…

Simple Thoughts For A Complicated Man…History of Aggression

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“War, what is it good for?!” Maybe nothing, but maybe it’s a link to our past as a society. What if our aggression and attraction to violence is a direct result of our instinctual habits? Look at monkeys that will pick up a rock or stick to hit things with. Whether it’s out of anger or playfulness, it feels compelled to act out that violent action. Look at the monkey in the beginning of 2001 Space Odyssey, who felt compelled to smash the skull with a blunt object. It had no motive to do that, and the skull certainly wasn’t presenting any threat. Yet, he decided to destroy it anyway. Are you going to say we are different because of our growth in society and technology? Allow yourself to give into the possibility of our rumored evolution, from monkeys to man, and you can see similar behavior in our children.

Images of Neanderthals are usually equipped with a club of some sort. As we have evolved, so did our weapons; from the club came spears, from spears came swords, from swords came guns and everything in between. As explained in the book Blood Rites, by Barbara Ehrenreich, these weapons were created to compensate for our lack of natural weapons, like fangs. They were initially used for defense against predators in the night. However, all animals, including man, have not only used violent acts against enemies, but on each other as well.

Aggression is defined as “hostile or destructive behavior or actions.” The stimulus that sparks aggression, in animals and humans, can, and will, vary depending on personality and circumstance. Aggression works with the Fight-or-Flight Response, explained by Walter Cannon in 1915. The stimulus that causes either a reaction to become angry, or become afraid and run is due to an “abundance of catecholamines at a neuroceptor site that facilitates reliance on spontaneous behavior often related to combat or escape.” To put it simply, depending on who you are will determine whether a said stimulus will cause either aggression or fear.

Is it so hard to believe that after millions of years, we have become so used to the primal habits of our ancestors, that we have eventually made them a part of our everyday lives and even grew to love them? No, I am not going to use violent sports as an example of this…I have already done that. However, I will back my point by using the wedding ceremony as an example. There are some modern traditions in a wedding ceremony that stem from savage origins, such as the best man, honeymoon, ring, and carrying the bride through the threshold. There are varying stories of how these traditions began, but in one version they all revolve around a single aggressive act. The best man tradition is said to have started in Northern Europe around 200AD. When there were not enough women in one community to marry all the men, a man would choose his best or strongest friend to accompany him in invading a neighboring community to kidnap a “bride”. Carrying a new bride through the threshold mimics the action of forcing the kidnapped woman into your home. The ring symbolizes the shackles put on the kidnapped to prevent escape. Last but not least, after the kidnap, the couple would disappear into hiding until her family found them, by which time she would already be pregnant. This time away is more commonly known as the honeymoon today.

Is it our natural response to be aggressive and violent? Is this response due to our weakness as animals? If you think about it, we are very much like animals in our habits. Whether it’s because of a threat, or merely to have the pride of being the Alpha-Male, we still fight same as animals do. I understand that we have evolved mentally beyond any other animal, however, does our ability to “know better” outweigh millions of years of instinct?

20s wasteland: Making ends meet.

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This is a story of victimization…
I was in a good mood. Things were going okay. I had just paid all my monthly bills and had that rare feeling of having the world temporarily removed from my shoulders. I have weekend job, one I’ve had since the time I was still in school. It’s not a bad job, it’s just that it’s only for three days a week, and since I can’t find a job full time it’s really the only thing getting me by. I make ends meet. Which is all I really need to do at this point. I was driving to a friend’s house when it happened. Behind me I saw flashing lights, my heart sunk into my stomach. It’s always the same feeling no matter who you are and where you are, the lights shock you at first. They seem to come out of nowhere yet you know they must have been behind you for a while. I pull over my car and wait for the officer to approach. I turn off my music, out of respect. I put my hands on the wheel. I open my window. He walks over; he’s younger than me, maybe 21, 22 years old. Blonde hair.
“Do you know why I pulled you over?” He asks.
The truth is I really didn’t know, and I didn’t want to guess so I told him I didn’t know.
His eyes light up, he sees his opportunity.
“You don’t know why, really?” He can barely contain his smile. He’s enjoying it so much. I look at both officers, the one who’s talking to me, and the one of the other side of the car, silently looking at me with a flashlight shined into my car.
“I don’t know, was I speeding?” I ask.
“You don’t know why I pulled you over?” He repeats again.
“Listen guys I really don’t know, just tell me why.” I say with frustration.
This is what makes him mad, my command: “just tell me why”. The 21-year-old cop doesn’t like being told to do things.
“This guy thinks we’re joking around. GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION!” He shouts, like a master yelling at his dog.
I give him my driver’s license and registration. He tells me I didn’t make a complete stop at a stop sign. I honestly had no idea.
“You think we have time to play around?” He asks as he looks over my license.
“Can’t you be nicer, lets just do this politely.” I say knowing I’m defeated.
Both cops laugh. They walk back and get into their car to process me. This part always seems to take forever. Sitting. Waiting.
Even though I’m already pulled over, the lights of their car keep flashing. Red, white and blue lights of “justice” spinning around in circles over everything, illuminating the night. Cars pass by slowly to look at me; people look out their windows to see what the story is. I am on display, center stage. The villain in a play called western civilization. I realize this isn’t about me; it’s not even about the cops. It’s about those people in the windows, the people living their lives. They need a little show now and again, to let them know that they’re safe, and that they can trust their government to protect them.
I’m given my ticket for running a stop sign.
It is a $40 charge.
But there is a $60 surcharge.
And now they’ve just instated a new “extra” charge of $20.
120 dollars for not making a complete stop at a stop sign. With the added bonus of being laughed at. 120 is a lot of money when you’re just getting by, it’s a big crowbar in my financial plans. This month is going to be hard to make ends meet.

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Emilio Sparks and Calendar interview Melo-X

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Emilio Sparks Interviews Mickey Factz

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mike’s ten: jobs I want.

Once upon a time I was driving down the street and a lovely lately in black leather dress waved me down. She asked me if I was “going out tonight” to which I replied, “why yes I do have plans for this evening thank you for asking.” She then giggled softly and told me I had a good sense of humor, to which I politely said thank you. She then asked if she could come into my car and talk to me, well being a man of manners I couldn’t say no. Once she got into the car the focus of the conversation turned to “jobs.” She kept going on about this kind of job and that kind of job. I wasn’t totally following her but I was trying to be polite and keep up. She then asked me if I wanted a “hand job”, which I imagine is an occupation in which you use your hands, manual labor if you will. Well I told her that although I do have a great respect for “hand jobs” as she put it, I don’t want one. She then turned all red with anger and made me pull over to let her out. I never saw that nice lady again, but she did get me thinking…what kind of job do I want?

Number 1: Writer (for a website people read)

dogandponyshowwebsite.com

dogandponyshowwebsite.com

Do you hear me Aintitcool, college humor, literotica? Please!

Number 2: Bridge Troll

I'll get you Billy Goats Gruff!!!

I'll get you Billy Goats Gruff!!!

Oh my days would be lovely. I’d sit under my bridge waiting for someone to cross, I’d tell them a riddle or issue them a challenge and if they fail, I’d eat them. Then do a jaunty dance. Hopefully I never come across anyone with mi-ac or “a mothers love”.

Number 3: Ghostbuster

Whose getting the blowjob?

Whose getting the blowjob?

I don’t have a joke for this; I just have to speak from my heart. My whole life all I’ve ever wanted was to be a Ghostbusters. But the problem is there’s no such thing as ghosts, so I am cursed to a mundane life without proton-packs and containment units. Sigh.

Number 4: Doctor

You intolerable swine!!!

You intolerable swine!!!

Being a doctor seems like a lot of fun. You get to save lives and help people, not to mention all the fun flashbacks and high concept fantasy sequences you have…I’m no supermannnnn.

Number 5: Cop

Breakin' the law!

Breakin' the law!

When you’re a cop you get to grow a mustache and be a complete dick all day, yet still not accomplish very much. It’s mostly about killing time and looking busy. I would love pulling people over on the road and asking them, with as much condescension as I could muster “Do you know why I pulled you over?” Wait no. I actually just looked down my pants and remembered my penis isn’t baby sized. I guess I can’t be a cop.

Number 6: Screenwriter for porn

IT'S VERIZON FIOS!!!

IT'S VERIZON FIOS!!!

(The door rings. Enter DREW the verizon fios guy.) DREW: Hey miss how are you today? GIRL: I’m good, I was just about to take a dip in the hot tub. DREW: That’s interesting, do you have the fiber? GIRL: What kind of fiber? DREW: This kind. (Drew takes out penis, Music begins)

Number 7: Local politician

Enough for both your marriages, my liege.

Enough for both your marriages, my liege.

Being a local politician is kind of like being Richard Lewis in the movie “Robin-hood men in tights” you run stuff on a small level and just reap the benefits of it all day. Anything you want, whores, drugs, gambling, life is just one big ball. Do you hear my kids, if you want to make a difference in this crazy world (and have a little fun) go into the wonderful world of politics! Just don’t be a republican. Unless you have a really small penis…like “cop small.”

Number 8: Criminal

Make a move and I will ass-rape this frog!!!

Make a move and I will ass-rape this frog!!!

I wouldn’t want to be into anything bad, I’d wanna do fun stuff like be a jewel thief. Then again who’d buy the jewels after you steal them, you can’t just walk into a pawnshop with diamonds and expect to not be caught…hhmm, on second thought I just I’d just be a rapist.

Number 9: Bono

World Hunger BLAH BLAH BLAH...I'm a baby.

World Hunger BLAH BLAH BLAH...I'm a baby.

Being Bono would be great. I get to be a charming Irish rock-star. I can wear really stupid glasses all the time; and have no respect for the situation I’m in. Like when the mailman says good morning and gives me my mail, I can start lecturing him on global warming or being a vegan. Being Bono comes with such power, you have the ability to truly turn people on or off. Mostly off though.

Number 10: Panties

Where do I plug in my controller???

Where do I plug in my controller???

That’s right I want my occupation to be “panties.” You can wear me all day and I’ll keep everything nice and warm and safe, then at night you can hand wash me in the sink and let me dry on the shower rod. Just don’t wrap me around a dude’s dick while your blowing him; that would be weird.