Dude who pisses on women gets arrested.

Nitinkuma Patel is probably the awesomest (my spell check just went nuts) criminal ever.

According to WPIX, Nitinkuma Patel was nabbed after a plainsclothes police officer saw him peeing on a 16-year-old girl at a bus stop. Patel allegedly would strike “between the hours of 7 a.m. and 9 a.m., when young women were headed to work and school,” targeting females in their teens to early 30s.

from gothamist

LOLOL so not only does he piss on women, he does it at the WORST PART OF THE DAY to get pissed on. PURE ARTISTIC GENIUS.

It turns out he’s pissed on at least 7 women in the past three months. This guy is seriously a laugh fucking riot.

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Chatroulette Dead Guy

What happens when you pretend to hang yourself on Charoulette?

Watch and learn.

What would YOUR reaction be if you saw that randomly pop up?

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Happy Meal doesn’t age at all after one year. COOL!

I fucking love McDonalds. fuck you for judging me. BUT one thing is kinda gross.

No Worries
NOPE, no worries at all. My Happy Meal is one year old today and it looks pretty good. It NEVER smelled bad. The food did NOT decompose. It did NOT get moldy, at all.

This morning, I took it off my shelf to take a birthday photo. The first year is always a milestone. I gave it one of my world famous nonna hugs as we’ve been office mates for a year now! (Okay, maybe my sanity is in question.)

What? WHAT??? That’s fucked up. I wish I had known this before. Next time I’m buying two double quarter pounders w/ cheese (one for that moment and the other for a week later!)

No really though, that’s fucking gross.

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Carlo’s Cute and Cuddly Critters: OMFG Baby Pandas!

Pandas are pretty dumb imo. Many people have pointed out how they wont screw to save their species or whatever, which really just makes baby pandas more precious, literally.

OMFG look at these guys. Actually, look at them, they seem kinda down… awwwww. Why so sad panda bear? You are ADORABLE and that’s really all we want from you!

BTW: Shout out to my moms, who told me yesterday that she’s a big fan of this segment!

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F*#k Tim Burton, Kiddfuture Will Bring You Alice in Wonderland

from KiddFuture

The BFI National Archive has restored the original ‘Alice In Wonderland’ film, in 1903 which is over a 100 years ago. For those who understand the timeline of film, that’s only 8 years after film was invented. Check it out and go see the 2010 version 107 years later, this is mind blowing.

Watching this reminded me of how innovative early film makers were. Most people attribute these “low tech” special effects to kitchy 50’s b-movies and other of the ilk, but it really was the first generation of film makers exploring all the things that could be done with a camera.

Nowadays this idea is kind of lost. With green screen technology built into MacBooks, out-of-the-box special effects filters, Michael Bay, and CGI Movies winning “Best Cinematography”, it’s hard to come across a genuine attempt at expanding the medium. (Actually Avatar DID expand the medium, just poorly).

Watch Alice in Wonderland (1903) here.

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NCAA is gettin CRAYZEEEE

Apparently there were two, count ‘em TWO intentional nut shots in college basketball a few days ago.

The first one comes from Jackson State’s Phillip Williams when he punches Mississippi State’s Dee Bost in the dick.

The second is Seton Hall player Herb Pope punching Texas Tech player Darko Cohadarevic in the dick.

Awesome… basket ball is officially the worst sport ever invented.

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Average DAPS Reader: Jesus Christ I’m hung the hell over

If you are anything like me, you are probably feeling like shit right now, sitting at your tiny desk, reading this, wishing you were dead. Or at least that you didn’t have that last pint of Jameson. (actually, I didn’t go out and drink, and I don’t sit at a desk, but come on. Let me try to connect with you guys.)

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret hangover cure I have. 1 large Lemon-Lime Gatorade and a bacon egg and cheese. This is scientifically proven to cure hangovers. Let me explain…

Drinking dehydrates you, right? Well, not really. It actually depletes your sodium levels. (why do you think you eat pretzels w/ beer?) Electrolytes are actually supercharged sodium. You NEED salt in your body, just not 4 ramen packets worth. The bacon egg and cheese is more of the quick fix while you wait to process the Gatorade. Greasy foods are proven to trick your body int thinking it’s not dying of alcohol poisoning. Don’t argue, its PROVEN.

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Pothead/Drunk tries to cook his baby.

I wish I was joking, but it seems like this guy got way too high, and way too drunk and put his baby in the fucking oven.

Well, kinda.

He put the baby in the oven, and left the door slightly open and never turned it on. To be honest, I can’t count the times I got way too high and forgot to turn the oven on, only to end up eating soggy, half-frozen french fries. Actually, now that I think about it, there are also time that I forgot I had turned the oven on and actually burned my food. Luckily, this wasn’t one of those times.

After smoking marijuana at the restaurant where he works as a cook, Larry Long, 33, returned home to share a fifth of whiskey with the baby’s mother, Brandy Hatton, McCracken County Sheriff Jon Hayden said in a statement.

Hatton had four or five shots and went to bed while Long finished the bottle, Hayden said.

At 5:30 the next morning, Hatton awoke to the sound of the baby’s cries coming from the oven. He had been in it for several hours, police said.

from CNN

Yeah sure, your weed wasn’t laced bro. Just be lucky that you were high and didn’t cook the shit out of that baby. Hmmm, I wonder how long it takes to cook a baby? I’d imagine it’s about 25 mins at 350. Not much meat though, so maybe like 20 mins. anyway, this guys fucked.

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Jesse James blindsides Sandra Bullock with “Bombshell” McGee

Honestly, I don’t give a shit about celebrities lives.  Their lives have absolutely no effect on me whatsoever.  They either make a movie I want to see, don’t want to see or get dragged to. You have probably heard about the rumors that Jesse James was cheating on Sandra Bullock with Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee while Sandra was shooting “The Blind Side.”

Seriously none of that is important.  All I want to know is who do you think is hotter?  Is Sandra hotter than Bombshell? Here name is bombshell for Christ’s sake! She better be banging!

We have the good girl, the girl you can take home to your parents:

Look at that smile!

MORE PICS AFTER THE JUMP!

Continue reading this post →

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AM-DJ: Oh Johnny Boy…

Good Morning, I don’t have much time…

Don’t show this to your mother:

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