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Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Link Dump

Spielberg Wants To Be God, How To End The Simpsons, Condoms in Porn, Demi Moore’s 911 Tape, and the Secret Life of Frogs.

What? Your toilet tank doesn't have a bunch of frogs in it? FUCK YOU!

Our good friend Jane Blow was recently interviewed about that pesky “Condoms in Porn” law. It’s a sexy read.

Steven Spielberg is close to signing a deal which would make him god, more or less .

The Simpsons as “The dream Fry from Futurama had when he was in cryogenics” and other ways to put down the oldest dog in television.

OMFG: Power. Rangers. Hoodies.

Speaking of Homer and crew, some French website did a side by side analysis of every art reference in the show, ever.

Survival of the fittest time: 17-Year Old Rushed To The Hospital After Eating Nothing But Chicken Nuggets And Fries for 15 years. Why is this a bad idea?? Oh wait, I remember what nuggets are made of.…

What do you do when one of the most beautiful movie starlets in the world signs on to your movie? Cover her from head to toe so people can see literally (well, mostly) none of her.

If you don’t eat these foods properly, move out of my America. (Note: I actually like candy corn, sue me)

Demi Moore was rushed to the emergency room after overdosing on a substance “similar to incense.”. Listen to the frantic 911 call here.

The Sundance screening of Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie resulted in angry moviegoers storming out of the theater while Tim and Eric laughed all the way to the bank.

I’m soooooooooo happy my mom isn’t this nutty. Presenting the ‘Forever Resentful Mother’ Meme.

I used to drum with my writing instruments in class all the time. This is what it sounded like in my head.

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Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Humor, Internet

Shit New Yorkers Say When They Move To Hollywood.

Yesterday we showed you our version of the “Shit ____ say” video-meme, “Shit Forrest Gump Says.” Late last night, right on the heels of our masterpiece I received a message from our good friend James Doheny about his take on the quickly fizzling sensation.

James and his Popped Collars and Tears production mates put together what is sure to be relatable to anyone whose uprooted their lives from NYC in search of Hollywood gold out west.

We were both late to the party, but I like James’ video better than ours. Take that DAPS!

FACE!!

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Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — The Megaplex

The Megaplex: One for the Money, Man on a Ledge, and The Grey.

You have no idea how happy I am that this is the last week of January releases. Once again, this is another lame weekend at the Megaplex, and I legit don’t really have any interest in what’s coming out, but it’s my obligation to tell you what’s up.

One for the Money is an action comedy film based on the novel of the same name by Janet Evanovich. It stars Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara, Debbie Reynolds, Daniel Sunjata and Sherri Shepherd. It tells the story of the unemployed and newly-divorced Stephanie Plum who lands a job at her cousin’s bail-bond business, where her first assignment puts her on the trail of a wanted local cop from her romantic past. The only good thing about this film in my eyes is that if I was watching it, I would use my creative imagination of how I would hate fuck the shit out of Heigl. She seems like such a bitch, but her titties and smile get me every time.

Man on a Ledge is a thriller film starring Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell and Ed Harris. I love this cast, but nothing is original about this plot. It’s like they took a bunch of shitty movies, and put this one together. Sam Worthington, what is your deal with selecting to star in crap? Anyways, its tells the story of a fugitive claiming his innocence who feigns an attempt to commit suicide by jumping off a ledge, while his brother carries out a massive diamond heist, to prove that he was set up…

The Grey is a 2012 action thriller film starring Liam Neeson. It follows a number of men stranded in Alaska after a plane crash, and forced to survive using little more than their wits as a pack of wolves comes after them. At the end of the day, I don’t know exactly how I feel about this film. I mean I would check it out, but there is just so much better out there. The plot, while being intriguing, just seems like something I have seen before. This is definitely the best the week has to offer. So if you see anything new this weekend, this HAS to be it.

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From the Web
Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — From the Web, Geek, Humor, Movies & TV

Andy Dwyer from ‘Parks and Recreation’ is HILARIOUS in the new Star Wars Kinect Commercial.

First off: STAR WARS KINECT?!?! Why has no one told me that this was in the works? Finally my chance to make a fool of myself like that dumb ass Star Wars Kid. Unfortunately, I lost my Xbox 360 in the divorce so I think I need to pick up a new one. Lord knows those older Xboxs sound like a jet taking off so I think I’ll get one of those Falcon 65nm chips.

What makes this Kinect commercial great is how it makes fun of the mythical battle between Darth Vader and old Obi Wan Kenobi. And who better to do that than Andy Dwyer who’s one of the funniest Television characters of our time. How can I make such a bold statement? Because it’s true GODDAMN! Don’t believe me. Well, I have photographic proof:

Plus, here’s a pretty awesome Andy Dwyer montage clip. How did I turn a Star Wars Kinect post into a Parks and Recreation post?? I’m that damn good.

via guyism

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Average DAPS Reader
Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Average DAPS Reader

Average DAPS Reader: Believes That Fran Drescher Was Abducted By Aliens

she'd still get it IMO.

Former Nanny, and current Happy Divorcee, Fran Drescher surprised America this week by revealing that she was abducted by aliens and implanted with a chip, just the same as her current husband. The chips, she claims, are meant to program the two to find and be with one another.

“You know, it’s funny because Peter and I both saw [aliens] before we knew each other, doing the same thing, driving on the road with our dads. We were both in junior high. We realized that we had the same experience. I think that somehow we were programmed to meet, we both have this scar. It’s the exact same scar on the exact same spot.”

While Drescher firmly believes in her abduction, her husband is playing Scully to her Mulder. He thinks the scars came from some accidental mishap, which, based on current evidence (and government denial) is the much more reasonable conclusion. Drescher’s responce to her husband’s skepticism: “The aliens programmed us to think that.”

How convenient is it that Drescher is able to get past the alien microchip mindcontrol and see the truth? Why isn’t the Government studying her in order to better understand the enslavement/mind occupation of the human race? Unless of course the Government is in on it…

Maybe Drescher was under the influence of Monarch programming, and was given the common false memory of an alien abduction?

via Zap2It

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Cute and Cuddly Critter
Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Cute and Cuddly Critter

Carlo’s Cute and Cuddly Critter: Musically Inclined Kitten in a Neck Tie

Few animals have made the transition from “cute pet” to “musical genius”. Off the Top of my head, I can only name Keyboard Cat. This cat attempts to become the next crossover star, and much like it’s predecessor, he has an impeccable fashion sense.

This is a little more Animal Collective (LOL) and a little less Bruce Springsteen, but I’ll still give credit where it’s due. If I had the ability to book acts in Williamsburg or Portland, this furry avant-garde artist would surely headline any show.

As for the tie, I think it’s an ironic statement about corporate greed in the current climate of the music industry, emphasized by the nearly unmarketable music played by a very marketable (and cute) artist. I think this is the most important act of our generation, move over Lady Gaga.

via Best Week Ever

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From the Web
Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Bizarre, From the Web, Geek, Humor

The Zynga Game Company is Basically Pure Evil.

Ha! OK not as evil as the Empire from Star Wars, but I believe they might be up there in the evilness scale.

Why would I believe this? Because of a picture I found from another gaming company. Another gaming company wouldn’t drag Zynga’s good name through the mud for financial gain! No sir. Companies never do that. NEVER!

Did Zynga just blatantly steal from Nimblebit the creators of TinyTower? Probably. But as we’ve all learned, stealing/ copying happens all the time and usually leads to better products. Watch Everything is a Remix to see all the awesome things we love that was just straight up copied from others.

Here’s exhibit 2 from the theatlantic.com, which is a reputable literary and cultural commentary magazine, entitled The Zynga Abyss. They compare the social aspects of Zynga’s games to the psychological conditioning of Pavlov’s Dog and B.F. Skinner. Jackson the author of the post boils it down to this:

one of the most compelling parts of playing Zynga’s games is deciding when and how to spam your friends with reminders to play Zynga’s games.

Evil? Probably. I’ll let you make your own decision though.

via theatlantic

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Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Pipe City, Sex

Pipe City: Maryse Ouellet

We got love for French Canadian babes too. If you follow wrestling, then Maryse is  probably very familiar. She went from being a sexy glamour model to an even sexier WWE champion. Recently, Maryse left the WWE in order to pursue a career in fashion. Perhaps you’ll be seeing her clothes and smelling her perfume in a year or two. She’s a gal with many talents. The only real negative about Maryse is her relationship with The Miz. Life is unfair.

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Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — Bizarre, Gaming, Geek

An Xbox 360 Controller That Holds And Dispenses Hot Pockets

Engineer and Robert Gibbs lookalike Ben Heck, host of The Ben Heck Show, is a gaming console mod expert who has come up with something that is so cleverly stupid that out of everything he has and will ever build, this is going to be the thing he is remembered for: a mod to an Xbox 360 controller that lets you eat a Hot Pocket, hands-free, while you play video games.

Genius I say! You can watch the entire 15 min build (or skip to the end result) below.

That’s quite insane. Also, why do those Hot Pockets look delicious? I don’t know, maybe it’s the way he’s eating them, maybe I’m just aroused by dudes eating Hot Pockets, but whatever it is, I like this guy.

In any case you can check out more of Ben’s stuff over here and hopefully be able to buy this glorious hot pocket device in six months.

Now, because we’re legally obligated to, here’s this.

via GammaSquad

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Posted on Jan 27, 2012 by — AM-DJ, Music

AM-DJ: Everybody Knows That Life Is Hard

According to their website,

Con Bro Chill. What started as a nickname has developed into a ridiculous dynamic of fun, absurdity, creativity, and loving life. Con Bro Chill is a band, an alter ego, a clothing brand, a pro lacrosse player’s nickname, a creative group, a YouTube personality, and a sweet party. It can get complicated

You’re telling me! What this breaks down to kids is that a man named Conner Martin, who plays pro Lacrosse, is also the founder of this band, Con Bro Chili. Their visual style is totally LMFAO, but the sound is way more indie/dance for the Hipster set. I’ve watched enough Portlandia to know this guy’s legit and by “enough” I mean two clips on Youtube.

So give in to both your inner-Party Rock and your inner-basement rave to enjoy some delicious Con Bro Chili.

via @SenatorRH

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